Old Man Clinton Trots Self Out To Save Democratic Party


Oh, fiddlesticks, what have the Democrats gotten themselves intothis time? That's okay, Bill Clinton will squiggle out of the seaweed cocoon he keeps himself in and come to save them. Did anyone ask him to do this? Well, no, apparently Bill Clinton will just call you up and let you know he is here to rescue you and will show up to have a huge rally with you. Bill Clinton, you see, has a lot of ideas about what the Democratic Party's message should be, and he's going to tell it to the people of this country because he is convinced they all want to have sex with him. It's funny, though, that so many of his chosen candidates lose! Such as his wife, in his last major campaign push! Or, soon, Kendrick Meek, for whom Clinton has appeared "more than a half-dozen" times. Or, say, Gavin Newsom, who is pictured next to Clinton for this article as the old president does his best "I feel so good being your God!" pose.

"He literally sat down with a yellow legal pad," said McAuliffe, a former chairman of the Democratic National Committee, adding that Clinton told him: "Make sure, Terry, you get these talking points out to every candidate."

Jesus, is this what Terry McAuliffe does these days, sit around Clinton's office pretending the two of them are still in charge of politics? Yeah, makes sense. Who else would employ Terry McAuliffe? These two just sit by the phone calling world leaders from the 1990s who are no longer in office / dead, trying to broker imaginary peace accords with them.

"I keep thinking I'm too old for this," Clinton quipped to a crowd of 5,000 as the sun set behind him over the open-air Plaza de Espanola at a rally for New Mexico gubernatorial candidate Diane Denish.

"No! No! No!" the crowd cried out.

"Then I got out here and started stirring around and realized a lot of people were mad and even more confused, and I didn't want it on my conscience," Clinton said. "So I sort of loaded up and started strolling around."

Oh, how nice of him.

Still, yeah, that guy probably is the only person that can have a positive effect on the voters, however miniscule and not actually god-like. [WP]


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