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OMFG Your Precious Hand-Knit Etsy Hipster Item Is Totes Racist, LOL

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Don't have enough hipster racism in your life? Why not buy some bullshit "Americana" featuring every possible type of loving depiction of negros, as long as those loving depictions have big red lips and googly eyes? It's so easy, just go to Etsy!


Here is an easy rule of thumb to remember, in case you are worried "is this racist?" Just ask yourself: Are you a black person? Then you can buy all the Aunt Jemima products or golliwogs or this thing that you want! Are you not a black person? Then don't do that!

Maybe you have a childhood attachment to Little Black Sambo, because it was awesome how he tricked the tigers! That's fine! But it was 40 years ago for a reason.

Maybe you are a white person who wants your child to play with and love on dolls who are black, out of liberalness! That is excellent! Here, this doll who is black is a ballerina. Isn't that nicer?

Anyway, oof Etsy. We thought you were embarrassing before, when your only crime was encouraging young women to arts and crafts their hearts out. But now that we know you sell this, well, we will see you in hell.

[Change.org]

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Let's take a break from the awful terrible news for a moment and check in with Donald Trump Jr. and his unfortunate face. As you may remember, Junior and his wife Vanessa are getting divorced, probably because Vanessa Trump is tired of waking up from nightmares about being married to a guy with that face and immediately seeing him sleeping next to her in bed with that face just leaving imprints on their nice luxury pillows. And the divorce has apparently been getting DIRTY, because "somebody" has been leaking stories to the New York Post about how Vanessa Trump used to write love letters to her MS-13 boyfriend in jail and Vanessa Trump used to date 9/11 and Vanessa Trump doesn't need any Trump money because she is swimming in Marinara Buck$, and so on and so forth. Who is whispering these Vanessa Trump Secrets in the New York Post's ear? Definitely not Junior!

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House Republicans, apparently trying to remind America that they're capable of bad decisions on so many more issues than just immigration, have offered a bold new plan to balance the federal budget in just nine years, eschewing the usual 10-year timeline more typical of such rightwing wet dreams to prove they're serious this time. And what an exciting name the thing has: It's called "A Brighter American Future," and it offers such fresh new Republican ideas as massive cuts to Medicare, also privatizing Medicare, chopping Medicaid into little bits, and then stomping on the bits -- all assuming that they've, once again, repealed Obamacare.

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