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OMG BREAKING CASTRO IS MAYBE DEAD AGAIN!!!

Adiós a Cuba - WonketteGood news, America! Our long half-century war with Cuban sensation Fidel Castro may finally be over, because he's dead. Maybe. Our blogging comrade Perez Hilton (who is Cuban, and from Florida) is reporting exclusively that he heard a rumor that U.S. officials will soon announce Castro's death. Another exclusive report is here, making it all the more exclusive.


We sort of thought Cuba would announce it first, but who knows. Maybe the USA can sort of feel like it "won" by rushing the announcement. Oh, and the riot cops are all ready to go in Miami, which is home to tens of thousands of really old people who are still worked up about Castro. They might have strokes or something, so you can't be too careful.

Fidel Castro has outlived the following ten U.S. presidents who always tried to kill him: Dwight "I like Ike" Eisenhower, John "JFK" Kennedy, Lyndon "LBJ" Johnson, Richard "Dick" M. Nixon, Gerald "Jerry" Ford, Jimmy "James Earl Jones" Carter, Ronald "Nancy" Reagan, George "Wimp Factor" Bush, Bill "Monica" Clinton and George "Junior" Cheney-Bush.

An Official Announcement Is Coming [Perez Hilton]

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