OMG Has Michael Cohen Already Started Singing Like The Big Dumb Canary He Is?

Story time! Once upon a time, back in March of 2017, when the shit was hitting the fan over how Michael Flynn had been a literal actual foreign agent while serving (at least for a few weeks!) as national security adviser, the National Enquirermade up a nice story about how Michael Flynn was OMG A RUSSIAN SPY! Is he literally that? Meh, we think of him more as a "Russian intelligence asset," but you'll have to ask Robert Mueller for his final determination. But regardless, it was funny because if the Enquirer, which is run by Trump pal David Pecker, was saying that, it meant Trump was officially trying to create distance between himself and Flynn, because Trump always does that when somebody who could hurt him gets in trouble. Michael Flynn? NEVER HEARD OF HER! Under the bus you go!

Of course, we found out Flynn had flipped mere months later, and to this point has (so far) only had to cop a guilty plea on one little charge of lying to the FBI.

Well lookie lookie, here comes Pecker!

O RLY? The Enquirer is ALREADY throwing Trump's longtime thug fixer idiot, who is the subject of great big criminal investigations right now, under the bus? The man they used to read in on all of their "catch and kill" stories about how Trump was porking this bunny or that? Sad, they used to be so close!

To be clear, they wouldn't be doing this unless they felt -- or were instructed, but that's just conjecture -- they were doing Trump a solid by tossing Cohen out the back door and locking the door so he can't get back in. HAS HE FLIPPED HAS HE FLIPPED HAS HE FLIPPED?

How sad this must be for the man who misses his boss man so much he just might cry! But also, very interesting that the man who's the receptacle for constant abuse from Trump, who has to know somewhere in his "SAYS WHO" brain that Trump doesn't give a damn whether he lives or dies, and will only help him if it personally benefits Trump, is on the cover being outed as THE REAL CRIMINAL with the SECRETS and the LIES! And if you're wondering why that matters, considering how the National Enquirer is grade-A bullshit, remember that you're not a deplorable who actually buys the stuff in the checkout line at Kroger.


Because we all know he's gonna flip.

In related news, ABC has a thing about how turns out the Trump campaign has paid about $228,000 in legal bills for Cohen, which means A) guess he's been reimbursed for that 130K to Stormy Daniels after all and B) HELLO SOME MORE POTENTIAL CAMPAIGN FINANCE VIOLATIONS MAYBE, considering how Cohen was technically never part of the Trump campaign.


We are just asking.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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