Oregon Jerkwhistles, Bristol's Baby Daddy And Foreigner Ted Cruz. Your Weekly Top Ten.
She's got her toys to play with. You read your top ten.
Happy First Official Top Ten List of 2016, everybody! Are you ready to start counting down all the HILARIOUS stories that have happened so far in this new year, which is at this point, a barely developed fetus? Well then, let's go!
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SNAP CRACKLE POP, your money makes weird sounds hitting our faces this week! That's OK, keep tossin' it at us!
OK, here is your weekly weekend reading list, for you to catch up on. As usual, it was chosen by the scientific method:
1. For this week's Off The Menu, it was restaurant stories that made you just go ... WTF?
2. Hooray, one of our special New Year's Eve posts made the top ten, and surprise, it was the personal letter from Michelle Duggar, talking about how balls-out yucky 2015 was for that family.
3. Those Bundy family sovereign citizen loons have their own special constitution what says they're allowed to steal all our shit.
4. Open carry aficionado gets his gun stolen at gunpoint, and we can't stop laughing. NOTE: The story actually happened in 2014, we found out. NOTE AGAIN: It's still hilarious in 2016.
5. Bristol Palin's baby daddy sticked it up in her. That means he is now qualified for Palin grifting cash, yes?
6. Donald Trump, he is actually horrifying. For real.
7. Praise God and pass the maple syrup! Donald Trump has gone full birther on Ted Cruz.
8. Here's the Off The Menu from the week between Christmas and New Year's. This time it was about disastrously inept food service employees.
9. Whiny MRA jerk babies declare victory over "Star Wars": Your Saturday Nerdout.
10. And finally, who are Oregon's wildlife sanctuary occupiers, and what exactly do they want? A Wonksplainer.
So there you go, Wonkers. That's your assigned reading for this weekend.
Now you have one task left, and one task only. You should follow us on the FaceSpace, if you have a face and it is on The Space. It's one of the best ways to always be on top of what's going on at Wonkette, ooh we like it when you're on top.
Now go away from this post and read all the things we told you to, because we are your real dad.