(Original) Douchey No-Name Bush Speechwriter In Cahoots With Donald Rumsfeld!
New information has arisen concerning former mid/lower-level no-name douchey excerpt-mongering George W. Bush speechwriter, the very smart conservative person Matt Latimer! Last weekwe examined the useless, exploitative heap of self-preserving, unconfirmable anecdotes he passed along to GQ to publicize the release of his douchey tell-all piece of crap book, Speechless, which chronicles the Bush Administration's greatest failure of all: tainting this wide-eyed Michigan conservative's idealism, with its embrace of PETTY WASHINGTON POLITICS! Poor Matt! We hope this shittily written after-the-fact account of nothing makes a lot of money for him; he's suffered enough, having to work (= eavesdrop on private conversations) at that STUPID Bush White House for like two days... Anyway, that new information: so the guy who hired this punk at the White House has written an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal slamming Latimer and more or less calling him gay for Donald Rumsfeld.
Bill McGurn, ex-chief speechwriter for George W. Bush, writes a number of funny things in this column about terrible Matt Latimer, whom he hired. He also includes a lot of "Why I thought George W. Bush was an excellent President, in fact!" space-filler, so let's just ignore those parts.
As the senior staffer who brought Matt to the White House, let me start by adding some perspective. In a memoir that takes us from Matt's childhood in Michigan through all the morons and phonies he worked for in Washington, only Mr. Rumsfeld gets the full gush. Left unmentioned is that Matt is on Mr. Rumsfeld's payroll, working on the former Defense Secretary's memoirs. Not that Mr. Rumsfeld need fear. If this book is any guide, an employer will read how stupid Matt really thought he was only after he's no longer being paid.
GRRR! BAD KITTY!
In the same way, Matt neglects to mention that personnel took away his West Wing cubby when they needed space for someone more important. Or that he spent the next few weeks knocking on every door in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, looking for a room sufficiently grand to display his large and ever-expanding collection of framed testimonials to himself.
Ditto for Air Force One. Yes, he was on it, but not because he was important. To the contrary, I put him on it because he was failing.
Now get some popcorn for this closing blockquote, people. It is legendary.
In fairness, it's not all yucks. On the day Mr. Rumsfeld resigns, Matt recounts a scene in the Defense secretary's office. "You were my star," (emphasis in the original) he tells Matt. "And, uh, I probably never told you that." Right there in the secretary's office, Matt reports, "I started to cry.'"
The fucking BYBEE MEMO is less painful to read than this.