Our Presidential Candidates Are Nasty To Everyone

John McCain and Barack Obama are two of the rudest men alive, and the proof is that one likes to bawl out his colleagues in the most unprintable terms imaginable while the other one refuses to write on childrens' hands. Let's learn more about these savage creeps and the many rules of etiquette they have broken.


  • At first it looked like Barack Obama refused to trade terrorist fist jabs with a little boy, but in fact he was refusing to write his name on the kid's hand. (Video here.) This is probably because he knows what kind of price an Obama-autographed human hand would fetch on eBay, and he is an elitist who doesn't want the Poors to get rich on his autographs.
  • Barack Obama called a reporter "sweetie" and then issued an insincere-sounding apology.
  • He also yelled at a racist old lady once.
  • John McCain called his wife That Word that one time.
  • John McCain is also constantly flying into fits of rage, usually when he's feeling defensive about the latest terrible thing he's done.

America should have a do-over on this whole election and nominate the courteous, clean-cut dog torturer and the lady who repaid almost $90,000 worth of gifts from her shady friends when it became too embarrassingly tacky to hold on to them.

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