25 Meow-sical Hymns That'll Have Your Cats Purrrrrrraising The Lord In No Time! Tabs, Tues., May 21, 2024
We hate ourselves for that headline LOL just kidding no we don't.
Good morning, here is some news. It is not all the news. If you want all the news, you must read all the internet.
The prosecution has rested in the Trump criminal trial, and the Trump defense immediately sawed its dick off with its first (and maybe only) witness. Wonkette will have the full roundup in a bit! [Washington Post]
Trump’s Truth Social is doing great, only lost $327 million during the first quarter. [Guardian]
Articles about the coming population crisis are interesting, but it strikes us that when the only politicians talking about such things are racist lunatics like JD Vance and Kari Lake — who are quoted in this article — and when those racist lunatics care about the issue for totally racist lunatic reasons, it might be hard to get non-racist-lunatics to listen. [Wall Street Journal / Jonathan V. Last at the Bulwark]
Eddie Vedder says the thing about Harrison Butker encouraging all the men to keep their masculinity and keep their wives in the kitchen is that he looked like such a fucking pussy when he said it. [Stereogum]
We’d say maybe Kid Rock could stand up for his man Harrison Butker, but he’s too busy getting wildly drunk and hurling the N-word around for Rolling Stone reporters who are there to interview him. [Rolling Stone]
Jen Psaki still says she doesn’t hate Peter Doocy when people ask her, “Jen Psaki, on a scale of So Much to Too Much, how much do you hate Peter Doocy?” [Daily Beast]
We haven’t read this one yet, but it says Reagan-era classroom battles were a preview for the current weirdass conservative war on all things “woke.” Which, honestly, there are a LOT of things we are currently living with that were previewed during that era. It’s not a surprise “Stranger Things” resonates so strongly, and if you know what we mean, you know what we mean. [Atlantic]
Something weird is happening with tornadoes, says science. Are they woke? Perhaps. [Vox]
Are we gonna have another civil war? Our pal Cassidy Steele Dale says no, and meticulously lays out why. [Think Future]
Airline lounges are the shit. Some better than others. But if you fly enough, yes, they are worth it. [Atlantic]
Um yeah so we started listening to this Olivia Rodrigo — THIS OLIVIA RODRIGO, as Boomers would say, “I don’t like you listening to THIS OLIVIA RODRIGO” — and her newest record GUTS (spilled) is kinda fuckin’ fun. [Spotify]
The New York Times might not have much journalism in it, but OOH EGG-IN-A-NEST SANDWICH? A source close to Wonkette with knowledge of what we like to eat but who requested anonymity says YUM. [New York Times]
Have you watched these cool spy movies called “The Bourne Malarkey” and “The Bourne WHOA NELLY!” and “Bend It Like Bourne” and so forth? We had never seen them before and now we are watching them, and we can say we officially Like Them. They’re streaming free on Apple TV right now if you have that. [JustWatch]
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It’s costumed cats selling kibble in yer hed gif today: https://open.substack.com/pub/martiniambassador/p/seanip-dinner
Will Wanderer approve?
Dental update, it's not good. Yesterday I went to get two implants that are meant to anchor my bottom denture. I didn't get them.
Minutes before my appointment the dentist noticed something on my xrays. There's a nerve that runs along the jawline that ends 3/4 of the way down before reaching the chin. I happen to have a nerve branch where it normally ends. That extra nerve branch goes halfway across my chin. Any damage to that nerve and you could permanently lose feeling in your entire jaw.
The implant would be very close to it, so the dentist decided to go ahead and cut my gums open, chisel away some bone just so they could "take a look around." That's when I was told I could not get an implant, the risk was too high, there could be damage to that nerve.
I broke down into tears. But all the dentist could say was that I needed to calm down. I said (not easy to speak) sew me up and get me out of here. He said no, you have to calm down first, patting me on the shoulder. That ain't helping and now you're pissing me off. I repeated, I want to leave, finish this.
I had to hide my anger, disappointment and sadness or this fucker wasn't letting me go. The anesthesia was going to be wearing off and I needed a lot of stitches. Finally he started stitching me up and it was hurting by the end of it. He still wouldn't let me go as he needed to explain it wasn't his fault, he was sorry but it was too risky. (I didn't blame him, get over yourself dude, this ain't about you.) Then he said "he doesn't make money off this" HUH? That made no sense to me, just shut up, give me the ice pack and my bag and let me leave.
So not only did I not get the implants that would allow me to chew food because my denture doesn't move, they made it worse. Now the brand new bottom denture most likely won't fit at all, they chipped away bone and changed the gum line. I got fucked in all the ways. I am crushed, sad and angry at the world.
Very grateful for my kitties right now.