Bro, Do You Have A Date For National Bible Day? Tabs, Tues., Sept. 9, 2025
Don't worry, all the other days are still National Donald Trump Day.
Another day, more terribleness!
The Supreme Court did one of its “Shadow Docket, Suck Trump’s Cock-it” thingies yesterday, ruling that it’s totally awesome for Donald Trump’s Gestapo to profile people based on their highly discerning assessments of whether or not people seem dangerously Latino. Brett Kavanaugh, writing in a concurring opinion with the Nazis, said that racial profiling (AKA racism) is awesome, and Sonia Sotomayor, writing for the non-Nazis, said Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you people? [New York Times / Democracy Docket]
Oh good, some mouthbreathing Republican congressmen are introducing a bill to make September 12 National Bible Day, just what we’ve always wanted. BUT WHY CAN’T EVERY DAY BE NATIONAL BIBLE DAY, YOU IDOL-WORSHIPPING HEATHENS? Just kidding, it is because Republicans devote the other 364 to their real savior, Donald Trump. [GOP Rep. Michael Cloud]
The White House, in partnership with all the vilest white Christian nationalist pervert organizations in the US of A, is looking for a million people to pray for America and its people for an hour every week. But HAHA FUCKERLOSERS, they forgot to give exact instructions on what to pray for. Get after it, you idol-worshipping heathens! [White House]
Speaking of our holiest President Bibles McGee, he did a speech yesterday at the National Museum of the Bible where he bitched and moaned that they won’t let him say the crime rate is zero in DC now because — sit down for this — because “Much lesser things, things that take place in the home, they call crime. You know, they’ll do anything they can to find something. If a man has a little fight with the wife, they say, ‘This was a crime, see?’” Oh boy, Donald Trump hates it when you act like a little fight with the little lady is a “crime.” This tracks with everything the late Ivana Trump ever said about her former husband, whether or not it was later retracted for unknown reasons. [Really American on Twitter]
At the same National Bible Jackoff event, Justice Department Nazi Barbie made up lies and bullshit about how the Biden administration was “complicit” in “anti-Christian bias.” Same old lies they’ve been telling for years about the FBI spying on Catholics, but now the fascists are in charge. Wheee. [USA Today]
Meanwhile, during that event, Trump’s insane religious wackjob HUD Secretary Scott Turner was speaking to God, and he told God that God had “anointed and appointed” Donald Trump, and God was like “Fuck YOU, the fuck I did!” and then the Almighty started hurling lightning and frogs everywhere, it was really dramatic but we get it. [JoeMyGod]
Speaking of similarly apeshit proclamations, Fox News’s Harris Faulkner is a horrible person and she will go to hell just after God asks her, “Was that YOU who said with a straight face like a North Korean news reader on Fox News that Donald Trump’s agenda is a ‘divine assignment’?” And God will be like “Fuck YOU, the fuck I did!” and then the Almighty will start hurling lightning and frogs right at Harris Faulkner, it’ll be really dramatic, but we’ll get it. [Media Matters]
Oh golly, oh gee, Mike Johnson would like to emphasize again that he made a really big mistake when he suggested that Donald Trump was an FBI informant, what with all that would imply, oh golly, did he say “informant”? He meant, um, something different! Oh golly, oh gee. [AP]
Nazi Fillers Barbie Karoline Leavitt would really like you to believe that the release of the Trump Jeffrey Epstein birthday book booby pubis drawing letter — the House Oversight Committee has it, having been gifted it by the Epstein estate, which is weird because isn’t Trump suing the Wall Street Journal arguing it doesn’t exist? — PROVES that the birthday book booby pubis drawing letter is a DEMOCRAT HOAX, which is tough shit for Leavitt, because it doesn’t prove that at all. [JoeMyGod / The Hill]
Let’s talk about Tucker Carlson’s weird and prurient obsession with Pete Buttigieg, and why Tucker so dessssssssperately needs to believe Pete isn’t really gay. Spoiler, it is because Tucker is really kinda milquetoast and he cannot psychologically handle the fact that Pete is one million times more manly than he is, and still would be if he was dressed in full drag. Come over to my Friday newsletter joint The Moral High Ground to read and subscribe! [The Moral High Ground]
It would appear Lachlan Murdoch has won the war to control his father’s empire when that old fistula bites it, so that means six more centuries of Fox News-induced Dark Ages for humanity. [New York Times]
At this point when we talk about people in the Senate who are medical doctors, we feel like we should probably put an asterisk next to Roger Marshall’s name. [JoeMyGod]
Yesterday on the “Today” show my dear romantic boyfriend Carlos Alcaraz was there celebrating his US Open win, and Aryna Sabalenka was there celebrating her US Open win — they both won the US Open and they have the same birthday, which is May 5, isn’t that cute? — and she called him “Jannik” accidentally, can you even? But he laughed it off because he’s that kind of guy and we (he and I) have decided we will forgive her.
Here is a thing to listen to, no reason.
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Today’s gif source, hop to it! https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/grocery-inspection
And meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/15ed3d43-2dd9-4d44-9afe-0b151ecb483d?utm_source=share
JackJack (the cat) just brought me a gift as I was lounging here in bed, reading the news. That gift was a lizard. Nothing makes a gal leap from bed faster than a live lizard wiggling under the covers.