Charlie From Willie Wonka And The Chocolate Factory Is All Grown Up! Tabs, Tues., Dec. 5, 2023

No shit, that movie's fifty years old. Morning news roundup.

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Oh shit they’re gonna peach Joe Biden for “son paid him car payments.” OH SHIIIIITTTTT. — Gift link Washington Post

Vice President Kamala Harris is apparently relentlessly lobbying/negotiating for a two state solution with Middle Eastern leaders. Most of this is about the politics of how nobody (outside us and some Californians) really knows who Harris is except that she’ll be president in about four minutes according to Fox News. (And hell, she might!) (Thom Hartmann)

Today the Supreme Court will hear its latest LIEsuit (no really, all lies), this one with the aim of invalidating a wealth tax and presumably all federal taxes whatsoever (for the rich)! Won’t we have fun. — Lisa Needham at Public Notice

From what I can gather, Texas AG Ken Paxton is suing Pfizer for the frauds for … not protecting Americans from the pandemic who refused to get vaccinated? (MSNBC)

Our Liz says we all have to get off Twitter now. (I mean, we really mostly already did.) — Law and Chaos

Here’s an awesome: California is making direct cash payments to help released felons reenter society. I LOVE IT. (CEO Works)

One to lie on the floor to:

No, of course not all homeschoolers abuse their children. (When my son was a boy, our cross the street neighbors were the absolute loveliest evangelical homeschoolers. Their mom did actual lessons with them, they were gorgeously cheerful and well-behaved, and one time I paid them $5 to feed my dog for the weekend, and they also walked her, brushed her, and picked up her poo.) But people who want to abuse their children are first going to pull them out of school. And in Michigan and 10 other states, there’s no check-in whatsoever, and the homeschoolers associations will fight to the death for that. — Gift link Washington Post

Here, have a poem to wash your heart. (Weston Parker)

Here’s one. Photo by Shy.

Hey, did somebody say VACATION?

The middle one has a crab. I will give fivewonkbucks to the first person to find it. (Wonkbucks have cash value of no.)

Even more here and here (I think Shy’s, the second link, is public).

I’m really really really tired and I have an eye infection so my eyes hurt and I just had some little palpitations and my mom just fell on her face and smashed up her mouth. I’m out. Hell yeah SHORT TABS, NO HOMEWORK!

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Bye.