Eric And Lara Trump Are Married To Idiots
Wonder how long it'd take them to understand that headline.
Last night, Jimmy Kimmel had a segment that juxtaposed the exact things we’re about to talk about, which just proves that great minds have the same correct ideas.
Eric Trump, the second dumbest son what sprang from the greasy pockmarked loins of Donald Trump, has had himself an interesting couple days. So has his moron of a wife.
We’ll start with Eric, who is now a super special honorary deputy extra-important helper to the real honest to by god sheriff, which apparently is his dream come true.
Please, take this gander at Eric’s Instagram:
He posted:
I have always wanted to become a Sheriff! Thank you @sheriffkeithpearson and the incredible men and women of the St. Lucie County Sheriffs Office. Truly an honor! #BackTheBlue #SheriffTrump 🚨🚨
We’re sorry, but is the failed former president’s son five years old? Does he think he’s still five years old? Did he ever emotionally mature past five years old? Was it “Take Son On Campaign Trail Day” at his dad’s work and Dad engineered something special for the little guy so he won’t throw a temper tantrum?
Ha ha, that’s not it, comes way too close to suggesting Donald Trump is a loving father. Our bad.
Eric went on to post pictures of his badge, and him with other people from the sheriff’s department, and OMG, OMG, after this we’re gonna have pizza, and OMG!
Make it make sense.
MeidasTouch tries, explaining that St. Lucie County, Florida, Sheriff Keith Pearson, an idiot Ron DeSantis appointee who’s up for re-election, did this for Eric. Ron Filipkowski writes:
Florida law does allow for the appointment of Special Deputies who fail to undergo rigorous police academy training and testing. It does, however, state that appointees must meet the minimum standards to be hired as a recruit-trainee. Perhaps most disturbing, Special Deputies are actually granted the power to arrest people under the same statute.
Great, Eric can arrest people.
If you look at Sheriff Pearson’s posts on Reels, you see that Eric got to hold a big gun, and that Sheriff Pearson posted the Bachman Turner Overdrive song “Takin’ Care Of Business” with his Eric pics, which … Jimmy Kimmel already made the Make-A-Wish joke, but for real this is starting to seriously feel like Eric stole an experience intended for a sick child.
“Our newest Special Deputy Eric Trump keeping St Lucie safe while Making America Great Again!”
Just … what?
Florida, listen. You’re going through a lot right now. If this man comes up to you saying he’s a policeman and he’s here to help …
… do not listen to him. Go find a grownup.
(Postscript to this story, yesterday a storage building next to the St. Lucie County Sheriff’s Department and it looks like some police cars were destroyed by a suspected tornado associated with Hurricane Milton. In a video Pearson posted, he said don’t worry, everybody is OK.)
In related news, the dipshit who married this dipshit went on the Laura Ingraham show this week and, uhhhhh, she had a fascinating explanation for why she doesn’t believe all the polls — like the new one from New York Times/Siena — that show Kamala Harris winning, including on questions of who is the “change candidate.”
“Well, I don’t believe that poll at all. Our commander-in-chief, the leader of the free world. No one buys that Kamala Harris has the capability to do that job. And polls like that, I think, are absolutely ridiculous. I get slipped beverage napkins every time I get on an airplane saying, ‘We can’t wait to vote for Trump,’ ‘Go Trump,’ ‘Trump 2024.’ Or people just coming up to me these days, Laura, everywhere I go, saying how excited they are to get out and vote.”
Numbnuts who use their exactly two (2) remaining brain cells to drunkenly scribble “GO TURMP” on bev naps tell Lara Trump that the polls are wrong. They slip her these napkins every time she flies. (No they don’t.) The napkins say “We can’t wait to vote for Trump” and “Go Trump” and “Trump 2024.” (It’s possible that she’s hallucinating these napkin exchanges, do y’all think that’s it? Or just lying?)
Do people also come up to her and say they’re from the sheriff’s department and you’re under arrest? Because in that case, we definitely do not want to hear about this sick couple’s little romance games, as that is absolutely disgusting.
Unless it’s not even a sex thing when he says he’s the sheriff, in which case bless his heart even more.
We don’t know what else to say about these godforsaken people, so fuck it, the end.
[MeidasTouch / JoeMyGod / video via Acyn]
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NOBODY SLIP ME A NAPKIN, OK?
I don't menstruate.
No, but seriously, this woman going on TV talking about people slipping her napkins. She's how old and she doesn't realize how that sounds?
That picture with the sheriff sent me. The guy maxes out at 5'2" in his boots, had to be appointed to get the role, deputizing the dumbest of the Trump spawn, and likes posing with weapons bigger than him....I'm sure he's completely stable and has no issues in his service history.