Yesterday, there was a hearing in the Republican-led House Judiciary Committee with Attorney General Merrick Garland. That’s it, that’s the story. The attorney general sat there, Republicans babbled incoherent grunting noises about witch hunts and heaven knows what else, and then they went home to spend more time with their incoherent grunting noises.
Eric Swalwell had some fun with ‘em, though, and in the process showed us how fun it is to make that little escaped junior varsity coach Jim Jordan so very, very angwy.
Swalwell was just doing some “If you do X, then you might be a redneck” jokes, but instead it was about being in a cult, the kind that worships Donald Trump. Then he started saying he’d like a president who isn’t, as a convicted felon, banned from enterning the following countries.
And Jim Jordan hooted. And Jim Jordan hollered. And Jim Jordan pulled out his whistle. (Not to stop the team doctor from molesting his college wrestlers, he doesn’t care about that. To stop Jim Jordan from saying blasphemies toward Republicans’ lord and savior.)
But mean Eric Swalwell did not stop. Here’s you a video.
“If you believe in states’ rights, except for when a jury in that state convicts your nominee for president,” Swalwell said, you might be a redneck.
“If you claim you back the blue, but want to defund the police when the police go to your nominee’s house to retrieve national security secrets,” Swalwell said, you might be a MAGA pigfuck.
“If you’re supporting a guy whose felony convictions prevent him from getting a security clearance,” Swalwell said, “you might be in a cult.” (That was the real quote, our other ones we were just teasing!)
“And if the guy you’re supporting for president has felony convictions that prevent him from going to Argentina, Australia, Brazil …”
This is when some Republican pisswit started bitching and moaning for Swalwell’s terribly sacrilegious words to be taken down.
“Cambodia, Canada, Chile, China, Cuba, Dominican Republican, Egypt, Ethiopia, Hong Kong, India, Indonesia … “
It was on the ‘I’s where Jim Jordan started wiggling around his impotent dick, demanding that Swalwell’s time was expired and he would stop talking. He ignored it.
“Iran, Ireland, Israel, Japan, Kenya, Macao, Malaysia, Mexico, Morocco, Nepal … “
“GENTLEMAN’S TIME IS EXPIRED,” Jim Jordan yelled, to no one who respects his authority.
“New Zealand, Peru, Phiippines, Singapore, South Africa, South Korea, Taiwan, Tanzania, Tunisia, Turkiye, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, and the UK … you might be in a cult.”
On those last 10 countries or so, Jim Jordan was smacking his gavel down rhythmically in an irrelevant fury, probably much like the rhythmically irrelevant fury his wife experienced when they conceived their children.
Poor guy.
What was so offensive about Swalwell’s words? All of it, if you are a shame-filled Republican whose life has been reduced to this. And even when Jim Jordan started crying, Swalwell just kept on keeping on.
There just isn’t any respect anymore for Republican white guys like Jim Jordan. And there never will be again.
Good congressin’, Eric Swalwell! No notes, would watch again.
[video via House Judiciary Dems]
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Eric Swalwell has a wicked sense of humor and can cut a bitch like Jim Jordan into a thousand tiny pieces before Jordan knows what's happening to him. Cry more, you whiny jackass.
After Trump gets his nomination, I believe traditionally this would make him eligible for intel briefings. Biden should announce, right now, that because Trump is a convicted criminal and is currently facing trial for mis-handling classified info, his administration will not be able to provide Trump with intel briefings, and that Republicans are thus advised to nominate someone else who WOULD be eligible for such briefings.
Republicans would of course holler, the "both sides" dumbfucks would question whether Biden should not make an exception here, but THE ISSUE WOULD BE FRONT AND CENTER and a reminder to swing voters that yep, Trump is a fucking convict, and a security risk, and hey do you really want four more years of his bullshit?