Flashback: November 3, 2020, The Day Joe Biden Outperformed Dean Phillips In His Own District
Put this data in your pipe and smoke it, Dean.
This is not news, but rather a World Almanack fact we stumbled across and deemed so important we wanted the world to know.
Dean Phillips, the Democratic congressman from the Third District of Minnesota, has been running around since October telling us how unelectable poor old Joe Biden is. Dean Phillips hates to say it, but Dean Phillips is 100 percent sure it’s true. Biden is a “good man,” Dean Phillips says patronizingly, like a guy who knows what’s best for you even though you’ve never met. Dean Phillips is one of those guys, clearly.
And Dean Phillips is absolutely certain he is the man the Democrats will embrace — this milquetoast loser pisswaffle who thinks Elon Musk and Bill Ackman are cool guys to shoot the shit with. He is absolutely certain he, unlike poor decent sweet old Joe Biden who is too old, can beat Donald Trump, by virtue of his hard work and his charming personality and his aw shucks Minnesota niceness, and again, because he’s one of those guys who thinks things like that.
He acknowledges he needs a bunch of months to build his “brand,” so that America can learn the thing Dean Phillips already knows in his heart, which is that Dean Phillips is special. Do we mind waiting months while Dean Phillips goes on a jerkoff tour across America, undermining the incumbent president the entire time in what appears to be a sick, perverted campaign to make sure the things he believes about Biden’s unelectability come true? It’s only fair to give him extra time to complete the assignment.
Then we’ll be beggin’ for Dean, you’ll see!
In 2020, Joe Biden outperformed Dean Phillips in his own district. Not by five votes either.
Minnesota’s Third is the suburbs that surround all the borders of Minneapolis that aren’t St. Paul. Bloomington, Eden Prairie, Edina, Wayzata and that whole incredible area around Lake Minnetonka and up north to Brooklyn Park and Coon Rapids.
In 2020, Joe Biden won that district — beat Donald Trump — 58.7 percent to 39.4 percent, according to data spreadsheets compiled by Daily Kos.
In 2020, Dean Phillips won in that district — his district, where voters know him, where he’s already built his brand! — 55.61 percent to 44.19 percent.
That’s right. We have data about a ballot that’s already happened where voters could pick Joe Biden or Donald Trump, and in a separate question, choose whether they wanted to re-elect Dean Phillips as their congressman. Damn near 60 percent of the district said yes to Biden, but more than three percent fewer went for old Dean during that same exact minute they spent in the voting booth.
And again we ask: Where does this son of a bitch get off?
By the way, Dean Phillips did better in the 2022 midterms. He even beat Joe Biden’s 2020 percentage by almost a point! (Minnesota’s Third just gets bluer and bluer and bluer.) Is that because Dean Phillips is just getting more and more thrilling as he matures as a politician? Or is it because in 2022, Democrats were fucking pissed the Supreme Court had just taken their abortion rights and they’ve continued to be fucking pissed in every election that’s come after?
And could that be a reflection of the fact that in 2024 in America, people don’t vote anymore based on how much they love candidates, but largely because of negative partisanship, i.e. how much they hate the other side? (Which was also the story of 2020?)
We should probably give Dean Phillips a sippy cup and a blanky and whatever else he needs for us to see the error of our ways. Obviously we don’t know how to handle brilliance as great as his.
Just kidding, that guy can get fucked.
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>>He acknowledges he needs a bunch of months to build his “brand,”
Mediocre White Guy is already an established brand. Problem is, when your brand is Mediocre White Guy, then you need to run as a Republican to win elections.
First we build our brand.
Then we seamlessly create future-proof processes, globally predominate one-to-one deliverables, and dynamically productivate national fungibility