George Clooney Says Boys Can Keep Voting Secrets Too
No one will ever know.
Yesterday, we talked about two great ads encouraging votes for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz, directed at one very specific voting demographic: women who are married to garbage human being MAGA men who pressure them to vote for Hitler, but who may secretly not want to personally vote for Hitler, especially after Hitler’s Supreme Court ruled that women don’t have the right to make decisions about what happens to their human bodies.
And it’s true! Women in America are allowed to vote for different people from their shitty white MAGA husbands, and they can lie to them about that, just like they lie about “Have you ever had an orgasm during our traditional Christian intercoursings?”
Whatever works best for keeping the sanity at your own household.
As you can imagine, every mediocre white Christian fascist Nazi loser dude with a beard is triggggggered by those ads. No links, just go slum it in the TheoBros section of the internet if you don’t believe us.
One of those ads was narrated by Julia Roberts, and came from the progressive evangelical group Vote Common Good. This one comes from the same place, it’s narrated by George Clooney, and it’s for the dudes.
The message? You can keep sexy secrets in the voting booth too, bros.
In this ad some gross sicko garbage MAGA loser dudes are voting together, probably after a cross-burning or a Nazi rally or something. The first loser says to his friends, DURRRRR LET’S MAKE MURICA GREAT AGAIN! He is quoting the MAGA version of the Hitler slogan about making Germany great again, but he doesn’t know it, because he’s a fool.
But one of his friends, you can tell, is like ehhhhhhhhh? Maybe I am NOT a monster who wants my daughter to die of sepsis because she couldn’t get an abortion that she needed? Maybe I do NOT actually think liberals are “the enemy within,” but rather just my friends and family? Maybe I do NOT quite understand why Donald Trump is always talking about the late great Hannibal Lecter?
The third friend looks at a picture of his family! And he seemingly doesn’t want to hurt them! What a very woke cuck!
The first possible non-monster suddenly hears his daughter say “Daddy!” because we guess she was there too. And he’s like “hold on!” and right there on his face, you can see him decide that yes, he is against hurting his daughter, whom he loves.
Afterward, the first MAGA dude is like BROS! DID YOU MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE?
And they did, because they were not MAGA garbage after all.
Clooney says, “Before you cast your vote in this election, think about how it will impact the people you care about the most. Remember, you can vote any way you want, and no one will ever know.” What he means is that if you are a guy surrounded by MAGA guys and you feel peer pressured to vote for Hitler, your vote is also secret, and you don’t have to tell those creepy loser bastards that you voted for a decent human being instead.
Also, extricating yourself from their lives is probably a good idea, but we all have our particular situations, and that’s easier for some than others.
We guess dudes in this situation can also keep the secret from their wives, in case they’re married to some big dumb MAGA meathead woman who does CrossFit with Marjorie Taylor Greene or something.
Whatever. Vote! For Kamala Harris, and not for Hitler.
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