GOP Senators Issue Threats Over Trump Conviction, Resulting Giant Yawn Threatens To Swallow Earth

Oh no! Please don't refuse to vote for anything! The Republic needs you!

If a bunch of Republican Senators claimed they were going to blow up the Senate in protest of convicted felon Donald Trump getting convicted of a whole bunch of felonies, would anyone even notice?

Well, we noticed, but it’s our job. Generally speaking, however, the United States Senate is a useless body filled with useless infants, so what’s one more temper tantrum from the Whiny Republican Caucus?

Anyway, 10 Republican senators are making a huge deal about how they will no longer cooperate with letting the Senate function, in protest of how Joe Biden has made a mockery of the rule of law by not having Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg thrown into Leavenworth or something. But considering none of these 10 cooperate in making sure the Senate runs smoothly at any other time, the threatening letter they released last week has about as much air under it as a possum that’s been flattened by a speeding 18-wheeler.

Let us gaze upon this masterwork and laugh, spitefully:

The White House has made a mockery of the rule of law and fundamentally altered our politics in un-American ways. As a Senate Republican conference, we are unwilling to aid and abet this White House in its project to tear this country apart. To that end, we will not 1) allow any increase in non-security related funding for this administration, or any appropriations bill which funds partisan lawfare; 2) vote to confirm this administration’s political and judicial appointees; and 3) allow expedited consideration and passage of Democrat legislation or authorities that are not directly relevant to the safety of the American people.

In other words, pretty much exactly what all of these same Republican senators have been doing for years anyway. This whole stunt is just masturbation material for the hardest of hardcore wingnut constituents.

But just for kicks, let’s take these “threats” one at a time:

Allow any increase in non-security related funding for this administration, or any appropriations bill which funds partisan lawfare.

You’re in the minority so your votes aren’t needed to pass any such measures, but okay.

Besides, appropriations bills for the rest of the fiscal year were signed two months ago and the debt limit has already been suspended through the end of 2024, and the Senate is in recess for all but about three weeks between the beginning of August and the middle of November, all of which limits any opportunities to stop funding anything between now and the election.

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Guilty, Guilty, Guilty, Guilty

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And even if there are such opportunities, do you want to go into the last month before the election being solely responsible for shutting down the government during what is going to be a tight race across the board? You do not, no matter what you tell your constituents.

Good try, though.

Vote to confirm the administration’s political and judicial appointees.

Oh no, how will Joe Biden’s judicial nominees get confirmed without the votes of Tom Cotton and JD Vance? And to think that, if Sam Alito keeled over from dyspepsia tomorrow and had to immediately retire, Josh Hawley would have otherwise voted for whomever Biden nominates to be his replacement. Oh, woe is us.

Allow expedited consideration and passage of Democrat legislation or authorities that are not directly relevant to the safety of the American people.

Note that they only say “expedited consideration,” not consideration at all. In other words, they will do everything they can to slow down any bills that are not safety-of-the-American-people related, not stop them altogether. Which what they do with most legislation now, and have been doing since the Obama administration.

Now, there are degrees of uselessness in the Senate ranks. For example, Dick Durbin is enormously useless in so many ways. (Get rid of the blue slips and stand outside Sam Alito’s house with a bullhorn until he comes out and talks to you, you loser!) But as a Democrat in the majority he’s a reliable vote for basic stuff like appropriations bills and confirming President Biden’s appointments, and he was an early proponent of the DREAM Act and opposed to invading Iraq. So over the course of his decades in Congress, he has not been completely useless.

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Donald Trump Free At Last, Free At Last, And Other Deep Thoughts About The Convicted Felon

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If Dick Durbin Is Too Much Of A Coward To Hold Alito Accountable, He Should Step Aside And Let A Stronger Senator Do It

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But these 10 senators? If there is a level of uselessness past “beyond useless,” they have already sped past it and are well into “no functional difference between them and inanimate objects, especially Tommy Tuberville, so you might as well prop up blowup sex dolls at their desks, those at least have one useful function.”

Y'all just stuntin’.

The only surprising thing about this letter is that, at least as of Monday morning, Rand Paul and Ted Cruz haven’t signed onto it. And those two are second to none in both uselessness and, in Cruz’s case, excessive pandering to right-wing voters.

[Mike Lee’s Twitter page]

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