Hunter Biden's Penis Must Resign The Presidency! Your Make-Believe Biden Impeachment Liveblog!
Hunter Biden's Penis Must Resign The Presidency! Your Make-Believe Biden Impeachment Liveblog!
LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO!
Gooooooood morning!
Should we fucking DO THIS?
House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer has promised no new evidence against the Bidens, and the cheapest hack in all of DC, Jonathan Turley, is testifying for the Republicans!
JINGLE JANGLE JINGLE JANGLE BANJO BANJO STRUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMM! James Comer is in session, y’all!
For every background link you could possibly need for how full of shit Comer is, and for all the hottest tips on how to mock Comer and the Republicans click here. Watching Democrats today — especially Jamie Raskin and Dan Goldman — should be hilarious.
LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
10:04: The Committee On Dumbfuck is in session!
Comer begins with his opening statement. We will try to cover all the exciting evidence against Joe Biden Comer says.
LMAO just kidding.
Comer’s evidence is that HEY LOOK OVER THAR! Hunter Biden got a paycheck from China! He used his dad’s Delaware house as his permanent address when Communist China sent him a Chinese Venmo!
10:08: James Comer is opening an impeachment inquiry into Joe Biden to see if they can make up any evidence against Joe Biden.
This is different from the Russia hoax, which was a hoax because the then-Republican-led Senate Intelligence Committee found there was a shit ton of collusion between Trump people and Russia.
Wait, no not that.
Comer just said, “As Joe Biden was sold around the world” LOLOLOLOL amazing.
10:11: This is GOP Rep. Jason Smith.
You don’t need to know anything about this priss except that he queened OUT yesterday when an NBC News reporter asked him to explain the timeline of his Joe Biden accusations in a way that made sense from the perspective of linear time. It stands to reason Comer is pushing him forward today. He’s equal in talent to Comer.
10:13: One good thing to remember is that all of this just sounds like lunatics loudly playing with poo to all normal people who aren’t aging white Boomers who imbibe Fox News 24/7. You will hear one million nouns today, random names (Mexican president Carlos Slim! Burisma! Devon!), but pretty much zero action verbs.
This isn’t even throwing shit at the wall to see if anything sticks.
Anyway, Jim Jordan is currently babbling.
10:17: Jamie Raskin has a parliamentary inquiry about how this impeachment inquiry hasn’t been authorized. Comer is already confused.
10:19: Raskin: Republicans are about to shut down the government, but they’re doing an “impeachment drive!” They don’t have evidence, but whatever! Foreign enemies have never shut down the government, but these guys have!
Here are Raskin’s visual aids of Republican reps talking about what lunatics Republican reps are:
And here is Raskin’s letter about James Comer’s year of kicking himself in the dick.
10:21: Raskin now going through how Republicans are taking orders for Donald Trump like “flying monkeys for the wicked witch of the West,” and how this is a Trump-ordered shutdown and a Trump-ordered impeachment. “No smoking gun. No gun. No smoke!”
10:24: Raskin notes that none of the Republican witnesses are actually witnesses to anything, or has any knowledge about Biden’s activities, or anything. Has his aides bring out the 12,000 pages of bank records they’ve gotten on Biden, zero of which show any payments or wrong doing by Biden.
Raskin says they don’t have a smoking gun, they ain’t even got a “DRIPPING WATER PISTOL.”
10:27: Reminder: all Comer’s conspiracy theories have been debunked, as Raskin is explaining, but the former president of Ukraine debunked all this to a dumbstruck dumbfuck Brian Kilmeade on Fox News just the other day.
So this is fun!
10:32: Raskin demanding testimony from Rudy Giuliani, since it’s his Russian spy hallucinations that started all this. Also his former associate Lev Parnas, who is totally excited to testify about how this is all a bunch of bullshit.
Comer is so pissed off.
Democrats are forcing a vote to subpoena Parnas and Giuliani, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Dan Goldman are being mean, this is hilarious.
What they’re voting on how is Jim Jordan’s motion to table the motion to subpoena Parnas and Giuliani.
10:39: Comer announces the witnesses. Jonathan Turley, the enduring shame of George Washington Law, and some other Play-Doh-eating nobodies. Weirdly none of them know anything about Joe Biden.
The Democrats have a witness too.
10:42: Jonathan Turley explains that Republicans are always calling him when they need a hack to testify in an impeachment inquiry. He does admit that Republicans don’t have any evidence to impeach Joe Biden.
Again, the Republicans’ first impeachment witness has just admitted that Republicans do not have the evidence to impeach Joe Biden.
10:47: The Republicans’ second witness, some person named Eileen O’Connor, is spending her opening statement to complain about the Hunter Biden investigation into whether Hunter Biden is Hunter Biden, an allegation that disturbs her something fierce.
She has made no allegations against Joe Biden, although she’s trying to confuse people by sometimes just saying “Biden” instead of “Hunter Biden.” She really wants us to read her Wall Street Journal columns. She says people really liked them. Have you read them? They are the best columns.
Also? Laptop.
10:52: The third Republican witness also says he is not going to make any allegations against Joe Biden, so that’s three for three. He’s a CPA, though, so he’s going to tell us how funny money corruption stuff works. Not about the Bidens. Just in general.
He says where there’s smoke there’s fire. Now we just have to figure out if there is smoke, and also fire.
10:56: Here comes the Democratic witness, to debunk all the Republican allegations against … just kidding there weren’t any.
10:59: Democratic witness lists all of Jim Jordan’s accusations about Hunter Biden, noting that at none of those times was Hunter Biden the same person as his father.
11:03: The questioning FINALLY begins.
There are 47 members questioning, five minutes apiece.
We are not going to last, but that’s OK, because the American people aren’t either.
A good way to pass the time is to listen to how bad James Comer is at speaking. “Willington Delaware.” “Mr. Raskins.”
Anyway, he says Hunter Biden knows some Chinese people, IMPEACH.
11:06: James Comer prays you don’t notice when he accuses the Bidens of “influence peddling” that he hasn’t presented actual evidence.
Jonathan Turley says that in order to find some Biden impeachment articles, they should look to find out if Joe Biden did some crimes.
11:08: Well, Comer shot his shot. It didn’t shoot very far.
Raskin’s turn.
11:09: RASKIN: Is it WEIRD to do impeachment inquiries without evidence and without the authorization of the full House?
PROFESSOR GERHARDT (the Dem witness): Yeah weird!
RASKIN: Is it weird when none of the witnesses say there’s evidence?
GERHARDT: Weird!
RASKIN: If you do an impeachment based on a Russian spy conspiracy theory from Rudy Giuliani’s big B-hole, shouldn’t we talk to Rudy Giuliani’s big b-Hole?
GERHARDT: Seems like!
Good talk.
11:13: Raskin says if Joe Biden had incited a terrorist attack against the Union, it would def be impeachable.
Republicans don’t want to see Lev Parnas debunk their conspiracy theories, so here he is.
Now it’s time for the whiny prissy Jason Smith one who had the big tantrum yesterday. He hasn’t said anything interesting.
The Democratic witness noted, by the way, that you’ll hear Rs say “Biden family” a whole bunch of times, and nobody knows who the hell that means, because Rs don’t either. So Smith just said it a bunch.
11:18: Smith shot his shot, it landed on Comer.
Now on to another Democrat! Eleanor Holmes Norton!
Should we do impeachments without evidence or nah? That is her question. Democratic witness again says nah.
11:20: Dem witness also says this hearing would have more credibility if we heard all the evidence about Burisma (he means not just the Russian spy conspiracy theories Comer snorts off Rudy Giuliani’s tramp stamp).
We don’t know if Rudy Giuliani has a tramp stamp.
Hahahahaha what would Rudy Giuliani’s tramp stamp be if he had one?
Anyway, Raskin and the Dem witness are talking again about how full of shit this all is.
Also about how Jared Kushner got $2 billion from Saudi Arabia, and how it wouldn’t be fair to make baseless assertions that those $2 billions are Donald Trump’s moneys without any evidence.
11:23: Jim Jordan babbling like the loser escaped coach he is. Don’t send a coach to do a real person’s job, that’s what we always say.
11:26: Jordan says what we are investigating is Hunter Biden calling Joe Biden on the phone. Sure thing, FRFR.
11:30: Dem. Rep. Stephen Lynch of Massachusetts calls the Republican hack witness on how she quoted her Wall Street Journal “You’d Go To Prison For What Biden Did,” without specifying that she was talking about American Dictator President For Life HUNTER Biden, not Joe.
Aw shucks! She says it was an accident.
Maybe.
11:34: The rest of that questioning was pretty much about how Rudy Giuliani has zero credibility or integrity.
Now let’s see where GOP Rep. Mike Turner shoots his shot and where it lands. (We didn’t say where Jim Jordan’s went because he shot a blank.)
11:36: Yet another babble session from Jonathan Turley to explain that if you want to impeach somebody, you should see if there’s a crime, and if there’s evidence, and you should look for some evidence, and hypothetically, if there was evidence, there might be a crime, and you could impeach somebody.
Turner is bringing up Joe Biden’s classified documents, which is kind of weird considering how Donald Trump is under federal indictment for stealing American secrets and refusing to give them back. You’d think Turner wouldn’t want to remind people of that.
Mike Turner shot his shot and it landed on a Top Secret folder in Donald Trump’s underpants drawer.
11:40: LMAO Dan Goldman is introducing testimony from Devon Archer’s testimony — which Republicans were SO EXCITED ABOUT until Archer, Hunter’s business partner, testified that Hunter didn’t sell access to Joe Biden and Joe Biden did nothing improper — into the record, and James Comer is so mad.
Gerry Connolly is playing a game where he says things Donald Trump and Jared Kushner did but swapping out the names for Joe and Hunter Biden.
11:46: Hahahahaha, Dan Goldman keeps introducing things into the record, James Comer is FURIOUS. Says points of order aren’t allowed, but only for Goldman, says Goldman needs to just sit back and hear ALLLLLL THISSSSS EVIDENCE!!111!
Goldman says actually he’s introducing evidence into the record. HM!
Now it is time for Byron Donalds to shoot his shot. He has a chart. It doesn’t actually say things.
“We are going to start talking evidence now,” he says. So that’s an admission that the first hour and 49 minutes of this hearing did not feature that.
11:51: Donalds just showed a bunch of texts that proved nothing, but he really sneered at them a lot and made them sound scary. We don’t have a joke about where he shot his shot and where it landed.
Y’all, the way James Comer just pronounced Krishnamoorthi … wow.
11:55: Anyway, Krishnamoorthi yet again confirms with Turley that nobody has shown any evidence against Joe Biden, the president, and is now quoting people like Marco Rubio and Mitt Romney, saying similar things.
And showing LinkedIn posts from deranged Republican witness Eileen O’Connor about invasions at the Mexican border and fake electors, because we guess she’s fucking insane.
And op-eds from Jonathan Turley about how polygamy is awesome, and how he defended a polygamist convicted of pedophilia and rape.
GOP Rep. Andy Biggs is very mad Krishnamoorthi did malicious impugning to the GOP witnesses, by quoting tem.
11:58: Time for two-faced hack Nancy Mace. This should be stupid. “Today we’re going to bring the evidence,” said Mace, tacitly admitting there hasn’t been any of that yet. Also she said a CUSS! And she said it in a very persnickety way.
She isn’t actually presenting evidence, just saying “Biden family” and “Bidens” and a bunch of proper nouns, but no verbs or actions.
Man, she practiced this five minutes of questioning in front of the mirror a bunch of times.
And she said “bullshit” again, because she thinks it makes her look cool and EDGY!
12:04: Nancy Mace shot her shot and it landed on some bullshit.
Jonathan Turley really wants to respond some more to allegations that he’s big polygamy defender guy. Doesn’t get to do that yet.
12:07: Ro Khanna very meanly points out that Republicans won’t put a vote for an impeachment inquiry on the floor because they don’t have the votes, and then gets Turley to talk some more about how Republicans don’t have any evidence.
12:09: Some GOP idiot named Lisa McClain. Dunno. Trying to get soundbites for Fox News tonight. Talking about Romania for some fucking reason. More proper nouns. No verbs.
Blah blah blah, somebody’s not a TV star yet, but she sure do want to be.
12:12: Hunter Biden! Romania! Robinson Walker! One million dollars! And who is Joe Biden? HUNTER BIDEN’S FATHER.
Coincidence? I think not.
These people are sniffing glue, y’all.
12:15: LMAO, Kwasi Mfume starts by deleting the questioning from the previous GOP idiot Lisa McClain, noting that the very Romanian person she was naming in connection with Hunter Biden is ALSO a person Rudy Giuliani worked for.
12:18: And now they have to vote again on whether they should bring Rudy Giuliani in and James Comer is so fucking mad again. Bringing in the guy who hallucinated the evidence James Comer is relying upon would ruin everything!
Pissy ass Nancy Mace comments that bringing in Giuliani “doesn’t seem to have a lot to do with this!” because she’s a classless liar.
By the way, the way James Comer pronounces any name that isn’t as easy and white as “Smith” would be offensive if it wasn’t so freakishly sad. He sounds like he’s standing outside the “Hee Haw” studios begging for an audition.
12:25: The vote to bring in Rudy Giuliani fails again, so Kwasi Mfume resumes his questioning with this sign:
Good question. It’s his Russian spy farts that made up all these Biden allegations and insinuations.
The witness for the Dems says he doesn’t know who “MAGA Republicans” are, Mfume says he can point them out, and rent-a-cop GOP Rep. Clay Higgins babbles his way in to demand Mfume point them out. Mfume rolls his eyes and reclaims his time.
12:28: Jamie Raskin again notes that former Giuliani associate Lev Parnas wrote them a letter recently saying James Comer should call off his wild goose chase, since it’s all bullshit. Comer feigns ignorance.
Now late-stage GOP Rep. Virginia Foxx is here to tell us how very serious this all is, and how the Democrats should stop playing games and interfering with their efforts to impeach Joe Biden because he’s a Democrat.
12:31: All of Virginia Foxx’s questions are about known president Hunter Biden.
12:33: Hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha James Comer is so fucking stupid.
Instead of entering into the record Lev Parnas’s letter, he enters into the record the headline for when Lev Parnas was sentenced to prison.
To which Raskin replied, “Yeah, he worked with Rudy Giuliani!”
12:35: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez reconfirms with all Republican witnesses that there are no allegations against Joe Biden. And says we should hear from Rudy Giuliani and Lev Parnas.
12:37: Ocasio-Cortez calls out the Republicans for using a fabricated image of a text message earlier in the hearing, which was WAY out of context, and suggested a meaning far different (and nefarious) from the meaning of the full text message, which Ocasio-Cortez just put into the record.
12:40: GOP Rep. Glenn Grothman is very worried the American people do not understand the seriousness of the allegations the Republicans have not presented today.
12:43: Jonathan Turley says the most concerning evidence we have heard today are the debunked Russian spy farts about Biden bribery VERY SERIOUS ALLEGATIONS! described here.
It’s amazing that George Washington Law has the courage to walk around outside without hanging its head and crying, considering how this guy humiliates them every day.
12:46: Jonathan Turley has never seen corruption allegations like the ones the Republicans have not presented today!
Now we have Democratic Rep. Shontel Brown, reminding everyone that we are doing this while Republicans are about to fuck the shit out of the American people by shutting down the government.
12:49: Brown notes that the Trump Republican Justice Department investigated all this — Trump’s Justice Department! — and debunked all of it.
12:50: Haha, now it’s time for Dems to start yielding to Goldman, so he can prosecute the Republican witnesses and do the death penalty to their reputations.
He is in the process of exposing Eileen O’Connor as an assclown.
Country bumpkin Rep. Gary Palmer from Alabama is very upset that Goldman and other Dems are exposing these witnesses as clowns. He says it is because they cannot handle the truth of the evidence the Republicans have (not) presented.
12:54: It’s weird watching the collective brains of the GOP rot in real time.
OK we are ready to hear Dan Goldman more.
12:56: Jonathan Turley says he wants to explain for the benefit of his three children why he defends polygamists so much.
This is part of a concerning pattern of smearing witnesses as hacks, just because they are hacks!
James Comer apologizes to Turley for the false allegations the Democrats did, by quoting him and talking about articles he wrote.
12:59: Democratic Rep. Melanie Stansbury thanks Donald Trump for convening this hearing, then makes fun of Rs for their inability to govern, for how all these conspiracy theories were debunked by the Trump administration, and how Rs are only doing this to distract from/render meaningless the impeachments of Trump for trying to extort Ukraine to help him steal the election, and for inciting a terrorist attack against America.
The witnesses don’t think there’s evidence to impeach, their own members don’t think so, they don’t even have the votes to open a real inquiry.
She’s good.
1:05: Haha, she says we can see Trump’s long arms and “little hands” all over this.
Now we go to Clay “Little Man Syndrome” Higgins, who is doing some sort of hick-warbling with Jonathan Turley, trying to have an intellectual discussion about “What is impeachment?”
He’s not using his five minutes wisely.
1:07: Foghorn Leghorn’s brain damaged cousin is SORE offended people are saying they don’t have credible evidence, because bank records is the most credible of all!
Of course, it’s helpful when those bank records actually say things, but whatever.
1:12: Garcia of California focuses his questioning on WHAT ABOUT JARED AND IVANKA? You know, those people who actually worked in the White House. Said maybe if we weren’t having a MAGA Republican shutdown next week, they could do a hearing with Jared. Oh well.
1:14: Jim Jordan is VERY MAD people are impugning Jared Kushner who was a “KEY PLAYER IN THE HISTORIIIIIIC ABRAHAM ACCORDS!”
LOL as if Jared actually did a fucking thing. Christ.
GOP Rep. Pete Sessions is pissed people keeping saying there’s a MAGA shutdown, because they haven’t even done that yet.
1:17: Pete Sessions looks like if somebody was sculpting Mike Pence but the sculptor stopped halfway through to die.
1:23: Jimmy Gomez of California is just spending a lot of his time putting in perspective the “Biden family” and its 20 shell companies. Well, really they’re Hunter Biden’s. And Trump has 517, and they’re “structured like a set of Russian nesting dolls.” And look at what the judge in New York just said about all that!
And so forth.
But Republicans don’t care about that.
Seditionist Andy Biggs’s turn. He’s going to show how Hunter Biden’s business partner said Hunter Biden talked some shit and hope you don’t notice there are actually no allegations against Joe Biden, just Hunter Biden talking shit.
1:30: Andy Biggs is trying to get Jonathan Turley to confirm for him that it’s cool to impeach people if you think something just looks kinda bad.
1:33: Mean Dem Rep. Maxwell Frost says you can’t even impeach people based on vibes.
Also is insisting on finding out if something happened to change Kevin McCarthy’s mind about whether they should have an impeachment inquiry, if some kind of crime evidence showed up. It is a trick question to make Kevin McCarthy look like a trifling piece of shit.
1:36: Hahahahahahaha, Frost says one Republican witness is asking questions as opposed to giving answers, the other guy “knows some things about accounting,” Jonathan Turley is just doing this on his way to his next Fox News hit, and the only allegation against Joe Biden so far is that he’s a father.
Fuck.
Oh yeah, and before that was all about how Kevin McCarthy is an Eric Swalwell Swear Cuss.
1:38: Nancy Mace “engaged in personalities” against Rashida Tlaib by offering her asshole fucking commentary, because she is an asshole, and Jamie Raskin and AOC called her on it. Being a total fucking Nancy Mace is against the rules of Congress.
Now we have to listen to another interchangeable white Republican whose constitents are a cow orgy somewhere in the heartland. Let’s see what his name is, looks like Jake LaTurner.
“Jake LaTurner” sounds like something AI came up with. We decline to liveblog it.
1:45: Rep. Summer Lee, like many others, notes that Republicans haven’t presented a shred of evidence, neither have their witnesses.
James Comer jingle jangle hillbilly quacks over her to bitch and moan and ask if she can “read a bank statement or a text message.” Wonder why he thought he was allowed to interrupt Summer Lee when he managed to refrain from interrupting others who weren’t young Black women.
She wasn’t fazed. She’s reading how much money the government shutdown will cost in individual districts of seditionist anti-American Republican hacks on the other side of the room. Marjorie Taylor Greene couldn’t stop herself from opening her trash mouth at that point.
Summer Lee wasn’t fazed. Said Americans don’t give a fuck about Hunter Biden’s laptop either. Is explaining who all this is really hurting. She’s awesome.
1:50: And now we take a break so we can all go talk about how awesome Summer Lee is!
2:16: Oh dang, we were in the shower when the hearing came back and we missed another incidental, interchangeable, entirely extraneous white man impeaching and removing Hunter Biden from the presidency.
Dang.
2:19: Dem Rep. Greg Casar of Texas is doing a good job of explaining the real purpose of this, to completely take away all meaning for impeachment, so that Trump’s impeachments don’t matter, and so voters look at them and just think oh well they’re both corrupt. It’s extremely Putin-esque, and honestly it may be where they learned it.
1:25: LOL Casar asks everybody to raise their hand and agree that both Hunter Biden and Donald Trump should be held accountable for their crimes if a jury of their peers convicts them.
Hmmmmm.
Fucking Marjorie Taylor Greene steps in to ask “what about the January 6 defendants?”
What about them, Marge? They’re terrorists. Bury them under the prison. After fair trials, of course, which they are all getting.
Casar takes his time back since MTG doesn’t understand rules or decorum or how to act in public and can’t shut the fuck up.
Time for Scott Perry of Pennsylvania, one of the most anti-American seditionists of them all! He is going to lie more about Devon Archer’s testimony, since what Devon Archer actually said embarrassed Republicans so much.
2:30: Raskin is reminding everyone that Republicans can’t actually account for the chain of command of Hunter Biden’s laptop and whether it’s been tampered with. Casar reminds everyone that when Devon Archer testified, he actually didn’t say “Joe Biden” was the “brand,” but rather “DC.”
And now Rep. Jasmine Crockett is re-reminding everyone that the FBI form James Comer rubs on his down-theres is just Russian spy farts from Rudy Giuliani, and says repeating these lies over and over again doesn’t make them true, citing how Trump is still the loser of the 2020 election.
“Let me give y’all a little tea right here,” said Crockett.
The white redneck Republicans did not like it.
Then she tried to put a fact sheet about all Trump’s fraud and corruption with China into the record, and they didn’t like that either.
“Of course y’all are gonna object, but we’re gonna talk about it,” said Crockett.
The white redneck Republicans are not ready for who Democrats are in the year 2023.
Crockett just said that if we were playing a drinking game and had to drink every time Republicans said “If” or “Hunter,” she’d be drunk by now.
Y’all
2:36: And now she’s showing pictures of Trump’s stolen documents in “looks like the shitter to me!” and reading out all Trump’s current indictments.
What is Joe Biden guilty of? “Loving his child unconditionally!” Says she hopes her parents love her that much.
Daaaaaaamn y’all.
You guys, surprise, but it’s time for a white man with no distinguishing features or redeeming qualities.
Skip ahead.
2:42: We’ll get y’all some videos soon, but first it’s DAN GOLDMAN THIRTY.
Goldman is explaining that there are no fact witnesses because they didn’t say what Republicans wanted them to behind closed doors. Now Goldman is reading all the things those people said about how they have no knowledge of any wrongdoing by Joe Biden.
“You bring in the fact witnesses and your case goes down the drain.”
2:45: Y’alllllll look how mad the Republican asshole woman witness woman was when Maxwell Frost was being mean and calling them all goddamned clowns.
Video via Acyn.
GRRRR ARGH!
2:47: LMAO time for Marjorie Taylor Greene to try to Do Congress.
Maybe next they can give her a scalpel and see if she wants to try brain surgery.
2:51: Greene isn’t even trying to make this about Joe Biden, she’s just going on with allegations about Hunter Biden and sex.
2:52: Jamie Raskin interjects to make sure Greene is instructed not to show any porn on TV this time.
2:55: LOL Jared Moskowitz just said “As a former director of emergency management, I know a disaster when I see one!”
And now he’s making fun of Republicans because Steve Bannon went on the radio today apparently and is talking about what a fucking turd this hearing is and saying maybe Comer should have put a witness who didn’t immediately say there’s no real impeachable evidence against Biden.
Awkkkkkward.
2:57: And now Moskowitz is just showing very good quotes from James Comer and Chuck Grassley, about how they have no evidence:
Brutal.
And then he starts making fun of Republicans for trying to one-up each other by filing articles of impeachment against more and more people. Good lord.
3:00: Now to friend of the Nazis Paul Gosar, who does not appear to be doing so well these days.
3:04: GOSAR: People are saying nobody has evidence, and we don’t. But shouldn’t we go find some?
3:06: LMAO Dems just keep entering into the record the star witness testimonies for the Republicans, the ones who didn’t say what they wanted them to behind closed doors. And Raskin just entered Trump’s indictments into the record.
Rashida Tlaib starts by invoking the former chair of the committee, Elijah Cummings, back when the committee was run by somebody honorable.
3:07: Hahahaha Tlaib just made the Republican idiot woman witness MAD.
Asked her about the number of (someones) in Kentucky who would be screwed because of the shutdown.
Surly witness says AND WHY WOULD I KNOW ABOUT THAT?
Tlaib says “That’s the point. You have nothing to say here.”
Fuuuuuuuuck.
3:11: So Tlaib was on fire.
Now it’s weirdo Tim Burchett of Tennessee who wants to talk about … Hunter Biden!
Blah blah blah “Biden family crime spree.” OK, dude. Go back up on the mountain now.
3:17: LMAO the Republican witness O’Connor cannot answer whether she thinks this impeachment inquiry is legitimate. Fox News personality Jonathan Turley thinks it’s cool.
3:22: Katie Porter firmly established that according to Kevin McCarthy’s own words, this hearing and inquiry are totally illegitimate.
Lauren Boebert is going now, bet she wrote her questions during the second act of Beetlejuice.
3:24: Boebert is being so dramatic. They’re all doing it, but it’s hilarious how they are saying absolutely nothing but they’re SAYING IT INDIGNANTLY!
3:35: We wandered off, sounded like a Democrat was explaining a bunch more ways how Republicans are full of shit. And now another underdeveloped Republican white male brain is babbling about that FBI form Comer likes to rub on his underpants, the one with the debunked Rudy Russian spy farts.
In between Democrats entered another letter into the record signed by Republican senators calling for the firing of that batshit Ukrainian prosecutor.
Of course, those Republican senators probably did that to protect Hunter Biden too.
3:40: It’s almost over! We can tell because all the Democrats are done and now we are just cycling through Republicans with increasingly tragic hair and faces.
Like this guy Chuck Edwards who looks like he’s trying to make his hairpiece look like Donald Trump. He just pronounced the word “oligarch” as “o-glee-uh-gark.”
3:46: It’s almost over so let us please remind you that making Wonkette and making liveblogs costs money, so please use the buttons on this page to tip, donate, subscribe, and all the other things!
If we don’t update again, that means we got bored because this is an unmitigated failure and we want to look at Twitter for videos and tweets about Republicans talking shit about what a stupid loser and flaccid dick James Comer is.
4:01: Raskin doing his closing statement, starts by noting that everyone online is making fun of this shit hearing.
The last Republican to babble was some prissy Republican boy from North Dakota who was clearly thrilled to listen to himself speak. And like a common Boebert, he was indignant but he said nothing.
Raskin notes that GOP people are very frustrated today, because they know they have no evidence, and their witnesses didn’t even pretend they did.
Here’s a sample of what Republicans in Washington are saying:
Yikes.
4:09: Comer is finishing off the hearing by saying … nothing new. Then he hands it to failed coach Jim Jordan, who is just lying. Not a star athlete, not a star congressman.
In summary and in conclusion, James Comer looks like if Tim Burton’s Tweedle
Dee and Tweedle Dum banged the entire cast of Deliverance and made love babies, the end.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
Ok. Substack is broken.
I can’t understand if it’s me or the GQP who’s more insane. I am flabbergasted that this clown show is going on while Trump is going to walk into a nomination. I’m not one who likes seeing the very worst candidates as Repub nominees because the worst case scenario…