If JD Vance's Kink Is Public Humiliation, Then He's Having Hottest Week Ever

Booed by firefighters, Tweeting sexist garbage, unable to answer questions on CNN, yep, campaign’s going great!

Remember when Jeb “Please Clap” Bush was the awkwardest man alive? Well, here comes JD Vance, making him look like Perry Como! 

Last night, the man who orders a doughnut like he’s getting a colonoscopy got repeated hearty boos and heckling at the International Association of Fire Fighters conference in Boston. Starting from when he said, “Thank you guys, thank you so much.” 

BOOO! 

“Semper fi guys, sounds like we’ve got some haters here!” he squawks, like a sixth grader who accidentally walked into the eighth graders’ bathroom and is getting lifted by the ankles for a swirlie.

Firefighters got the BURN! This was a mere day after Governor Tim Walz got lusty cheers from the same group, yowch! Here, let’s watch that instead of JD Vance.

And now we are fortified for the perils ahead.

Firefighters are not known to be a particularly woke bunch; Vance even did get a cheer when he said he’d abolish vaccine mandates. But they were not happy about his ridiculous lie that the Republicans are some kind of workers’ rights party.

“President Trump and I are proud to be the most pro-worker Republican ticket in history!”

BOOO!

It got awkwarder, he tried a joke.

“At the Republican convention we featured everyday American workers and of course we had Hulk Hogan. And while it’s temptin’, and I’m sure it would make some big headlines, but don’t worry, any, er, ah, everybody, I’m not going to try to take off my shirt here.”

[Awkward pause and crickets for laughs that did not come.]

Anyway, contrast that to the reception to Tim Walz, who got zero boos, just roaring cheers all the way through for his speech to the same firefighters.

Vance then took to Xitter ahead of Harris and Walz’s CNN interview, to post this doozy of garbage that he thought was a real kneeslapper. 

It’s funny because Harris is a pretty woman, and pretty women are really dumb, get it? Ha, ha! Please laugh.

The clip is from the 2007 Miss Teen USA contest, in which then-Miss Teen South Carolina Caitlin Upton gave a garbled answer about why Americans can’t find the US on a world map. Because she was an extremely nervous 18-year-old who was overwhelmed, heaven fucking forbid. (We at Wonkette have made a lot of fun of it too. It was a very bad answer!)

Upton became a meme, and got commented about by all the gross sexist assholes, such as Tucker Carlson (who was 38 at the time): “She'd probably be a pretty good wife. If you had a wife that dumb, would it be good or bad?” and “She's so dumb. She's vulnerable. She's like a wounded gazelle separated from the herd.” Predators on the Right aren’t just a bug, they are a proud feature. 

Upton later signed on with Donald Trump’s creepy-ass modeling agency, and moved into the Trump apartments. She later said in an interview that the notoriety the clip generated made her suicidal. 

Yep, bullying a lady over something she said 17 years ago to make a gross remark about the vice president, just the rizz to lure back the votes of all those childless cat ladies, barren teachers, and postmenopausal women he’s managed to piss off in record time, you betcha.

Vance followed it up this morning with a painfully awkward interview on CNN, where he was unable to answer if Trump had just reversed himself by saying he opposed six-week abortion bans, and if Trump was now going to vote against the six-week abortion ban in Florida. Vance even pulled the “I can’t hear you, driving through a tunnel!” Or maybe it was just a coincidence that Vance had technical difficulties at that exact moment. 

“The president, I’m sure, will tell the American people how he’s going to vote on it eventually, but he wasn’t making an announcement last night.” 

CNN’s John Berman: “It was a grammar thing, it was a speech thing, it was somehow confusion with the words that he chose? Senator Vance, can you hear me?”

After Vance’s audio got fixed, or “fixed,” he went on to not be able to answer how Trump might pay for the free IVF treatment that he just promised everybody the government was going to pay for. An expansion of Obamacare? A mandate to insurance companies? How are you going to leave abortion to the states but mandate IVF? What if states pull an Alabama and say that fertilized IVF eggs are actually infants who just happen to live in a freezer? And didn’t you yourself, JD Vance, vote in the Senate against protecting and increasing accessibility to IVF like not even like two months ago?

Er, ah, er, Vance couldn’t answer those questions too good either. 

Oh, and then there’s how he defended Trump ghoulishly giving a grinning thumbs up on the grave of dead soldiers in Arlington, “You’re acting like Donald Trump filmed a TV commercial at a gravesite!” he spat, at the exact same moment Trump released a campaign commercial of himself at the gravesite.

If he wasn’t a flaming asshole, you might feel a little bad for the guy. He has no idea what the fuck he’s doing, he clearly hates public speaking and is terrible at it, and even his barber is out to humiliate him.

But he is a butthair bonfire, and an adult who chose this life of lies and poor grooming. He can quit any time he wants!