Judge Tanya Chutkan Reminds Idiot Trump Lawyers What Real Judges Are Like
COME BACK, IDIOT AILEEN CANNON! That's probably what they're saying right now.
Boy oh boy, Donald Trump’s lawyers must be missing his self-appointed butt-slurping hacks on the Supreme Court, not to mention Judge Aileen Cannon, the den mother for the Mar-a-Lago Cub Scout troop who recently dismissed Trump’s stolen treason documents case, only to have Special Counsel Jack Smith go directly to the 11th Circuit to politely discuss what a fucking idiot she is.
Yesterday, Trump lawyers had to appear in Judge Tanya Chutkan’s courtroom for a scheduling conference, AKA in front of a real judge, now that SCOTUS has ruled that Trump can shoot up the American government on Fifth Avenue, as long as he yells “OFFICIAL ACT!” while he does it. Also now that Smith has brought a superseding indictment in the case against Trump for trying to overthrow the US government and overturn the 2020 election, signed by a brand new grand jury, which conforms to the aforementioned dumbass ruling from SCOTUS.
It didn’t go so well for those Trump lawyers. Judge Chutkan? Not even amused by their shit. Doesn’t give a fuck that there’s about to be an election, considering how Trump’s lawyers have DELAY DELAY DELAYED this case ever since before God was born. Only seems interested in trying the case, like some fucking actual judge with self-respect.
The AP reports on some of the things that were said in Chutkan’s courtroom yesterday.
Trump idiot lawyer John Lauro bitched that “We may be dealing with an illegitimate indictment from the get-go,” and said “We want an orderly process that does justice to the Supreme Court opinion.” By their definition, they mean that Trump is the supreme leader of the universe, above God even, and that he is subject to no laws. (Actually, as hacky as SCOTUS’s partisan hack ruling was, it wasn’t in legal fact that broad.)
Lauro felt the case should be dismissed. Chutkan felt fuck off.
Lauro felt Jack Smith was doing “rush to judgment” with his new indictment. Chutkan felt:
“This case has been pending for over a year,” Chutkan said, referencing the fact that the matter has been frozen since last December while Trump pursued his immunity appeal. “We’re hardly sprinting to the finish here.”
Chutkan felt fuck off.
Lauro felt that it’s TOO SOON! to be doing this case right now, explaining that “This process is inherently unfair, particularly during this sensitive time.”
Chutkan felt …
“I understand that there is an election,” the judge replied. “I’ve said before … that the electoral process and the timing of the election … is not relevant here. The court is not concerned with the electoral schedule.”
What do you know! She felt fuck off.
But but but!
“We are talking about the presidency of the United States,” [Lauro] said. Chutkan shot back: “I’m not talking about the presidency of the United States. I’m talking about a four count indictment.”
She told Lauro that it appeared the defense was trying to delay the case because of the election. “That’s not going to be a factor I consider at all,” Chutkan said.
FUCK OFF.
Obviously it’s still not going to trial before the election, as Chutkan, among other things, has to decide for herself if Jack Smith’s new indictment conforms with the parameters set by Trump’s personal cock-gobblers on the Supreme Court. And she knows that whatever happens, Trump’s shitmouth lawyers are going to do everything they can to DELAY DELAY DELAY their client facing justice for his crimes.
But they’re moving forward, so fuck off.
As Joyce Vance reports, Chutkan ruled after the hearing that she wants Jack Smith’s opening briefs by September 26, Trump’s response and his latest bullshit about dismissing the case by October 17, and Smith’s response to all that by Halloween. Five days later, that’ll be the election.
For a deeper dive into everything that happened in court yesterday, all the things Chutkan has to sift through, all the bullshit she will have to endure from Trump’s lawyers, and what will happen to this case if God forbid Trump wins (bye bye), Joyce Vance has that too. She is a very good lawyer.
What we’re saying here is you’re finished here, go there!
Unless all you wanted was the broad strokes and the dick jokes, in which case Wonkette gotchu right here, as per usual.
[AP / Joyce Vance]
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“I’m not talking about the presidency of the United States. I’m talking about a four count indictment.”
My hero. *swooooooooon*
Lawyer: but it's so close to the election!!
Judge: and whose fault is that?
Love it.