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Lauren Boebert Breaks Up With 'Beetlejuice' Democrat, Romance Officially Dead.
No more working across the aisle for the congresswoman from Rifle. :(
Just the worst news to share from the world of romance, everyone.
TMZ, the world’s preeminent news source on the goings-on of Republican congressmen, says Lauren Boebert is breaking up with Quinn Gallagher, with whom all the romance was shared and the beetles were juiced. And why? Exactly why we thought, it appears. The Daily Mail and others reported that he was a Democrat.
We joked (“joked”) the other day that maybe they hadn’t discussed whether or not she was a vile bigot (she is), when it was reported that sexy Quinn was the co-owner of a bar in Aspen, Colorado, that threw drag shows and other events for the LGBT+ community. Obviously there was a lot they hadn’t discussed.
Lauren Boebert's Theater Date Had Drag Show At His Bar. How Does Vile Bigot Lauren Boebert Feel About That?
Who among us hasn’t had to break it off with somebody after the Daily Mail or TMZ pulled us aside and said “Girl, listen.”
Here is your video of Lauren Boebert discussing the past week with TMZ:
Has it been a tough week, TMZ asked?
“It’s always hard whenever there’s gravity put on the voters, I’m here to provide levity.”
No, she really said that.
“And lift burdens off people, so any time they’re carrying mine, it’s something that I kinda feel deep inside.”
“So ultimately all future date nights have been canceled, and I learned to check party affiliations before you go on a date.”
Oh dang, Beetlejuice was a first date?
“But all in all it was mostly a lovely time, and I’ve taken responsibility for my actions.”
“Would love to know how the musical ended, and I encourage people to go and see it.”
Well sometimes when we don’t know how to conduct ourselves, we miss the second half. But it’s based on a famous movie, so …
“It was a great time back in the district seeing voters.”
That’s not her district. Where did she see voters?
We are for confused.
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Boebert ended the interview saying that her romance with Quinn was not over because of anything in the news, but because “he’s a private citizen,” and that they have “peacefully parted at this time.” Good to know they reached a peace agreement.
Which may conflict with how she said five seconds earlier, “Well, TMZ, I’m pretty sure you told the world I went on a date with a Democrat!”
In other news, Boebert’s name has suddenly mysteriously disappeared from the roster of speakers for the Texas Youth Summit, some Jesus idiot right-wing confab for Jesus idiot right-wing teenagers.
Is she not a good role model anymore? If not, why not? Please explain in detail what has changed in the past week.
Was it the vaping? It must have been the vaping.
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.