What Congresswoman Is This Married Georgia Congressman Peening, And How Is It *Not* Marjorie Taylor Greene?
It's good to see them doing the people's work. (Fucking)
Sometimes we direct so much of our attention to the loudest nuts in the House of Representatives – your Marjorie Taylor Greenes, your Lauren Boeberts, your Jim Jordans – that some of the quieter lunatics slip past us. We apologize to our readers, but the House Republican caucus has a metric fuckton of loons and there are only but so many hours in a day.
So let us gaze for the first time upon the majesty that is Rep. Rich McCormick, a freshman from Georgia who announced this week that he is divorcing his wife of 12 years. A lot of things have to go wrong for a marriage to implode, but we don’t imagine it helped that McCormick has apparently for some time been shtupping fellow backbencher Rep. Beth Van Duyne of Texas.
It doesn’t look good, as The Daily Beast reports:
Asked by the outlet about her husband’s reasons for the divorce, Dr. Debra Miller replied in a text that she wasn’t sure McCormick would be “forthcoming.”
When pressed about the possibility of an affair hanging over their relationship, Miller replied, “You should ask Rich and his colleague.”
Dammit, Rich, congressmen aren’t supposed to cheat with someone equally high profile. You’re supposed to bang a lobbyist or an intern or someone else relatively anonymous so the relationship can have that natural power imbalance. Like your coworker Matt Rosendale did when he allegedly impregnated a 20-year-old staffer and had to drop out of his Senate race. You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and we will not have it!
Anyway, we looked up McCormick and are pleased to report that we may finally have a worthy successor to the big fratboy energy of former California congressman Duncan Hunter and his vape pen. In his short 16 months in office, McCormick has:
Been accused by Greene of what she called “assaulting” her and what McCormick said was merely a playful shake of her shoulders.
Become known as the douchebag middle-aged man who rides a skateboard through the halls of Congress. Sigh. Everybody has to have a bit. Duncan Hunter’s was vaping in committee meetings and committing massive fraud. McCormick’s staff should keep an eye on his campaign accounts.
Gotten in trouble for doing pull-ups somewhere up around the top of the Capitol Dome, allegedly over a drop of a couple of hundred feet, while his staff filmed him. McCormick claims he was not dangling over a drop that would have killed him if he’d lost his grip and said the story was “overblown.” Either way, pullups in the Capitol Dome for what sounds like a social media stunt for his followers? Does he not have better things like, oh, the nation’s business to do? This guy is starting to make Matt Gaetz look dignified.
And now the affair with Van Duyne, about which they have not been subtle, having allegedly been spotted holding hands on the House floor and under a table at a caucus meeting.
McCormick is a former Marine, an ER doctor, and the type of Breitbart poisoned brain whose campaign website proudly announces:
Whether its (sic) Communist China abroad, or the radical left in America, Rich knows the next fight is to stop socialism – He’s ALL IN.
Great, another macho jarhead who thinks the greatest threat facing America is the horrific scourge of gender ideology. The Republican caucus is overflowing with them.
Van Duyne has also had a pretty quiet congressional career, though she made Wonkette some years ago when she was the mayor of Irving, Texas, and accused a 14-year-old Muslim student of bringing a bomb to school. (It was a homemade clock.) Good Lord, but her pillow talk with McCormick must be something to behold.
Well, congrats to the crazy kids on their blossoming love, and also to the soon-to-be-ex Mrs. McCormick. She shed 200 pounds of useless skin and we bet she’s looking and feeling healthier already.
Help support Wonkette’s coverage of the sleazy sex scandals of jerks.
Maybe McCormick just wanted to spice things up.
Oh, Christ, I remember that poor kid with the clock. That idiot fell up to the House? Well, the House GOP is nothing if not a wretched hive of scum and villainy.