Stop Putting Dead Babies In Our Drinking Water, You Weirdos!
Even in the Musk Era, Twitter can still amaze.
The wonders of the internet are many. You can use a machine learning program to make a colorful picture of an aquarium full of freaky fishy embryos and sperm-eels, and you can use a variety of digital devices to reply “Jezuz Christ, Dok, you have to STOP.” You can find recipes for delicious clam linguine, and you can use a special code that gives Yr Wonkette a small commission, should you choose to purchase a favorite blogger a Kindle edition of a manga on his wishlist, using that blogger’s work email (doktorzoom at-symbol wonkette dot or period com) when prompted, and then you can even email that blogger to say, “Jezuz Christ, Dok, I’m not kidding, you’re belaboring the bit and you have to STOP.”
Heck, one of the few things you can’t do on the internet is comment on Wonkette articles.
Oh yes, and you can also see some incredibly strange people write weird shit on Twitter about aborted babbies in the drinking water, too. (We’re feeling nostalgic, so we’re going to just use the old name of the social media company.) For a few hours Wednesday, Twitter was weird fun again, as a nearly new account with zero followers insisted, again and again, that when ladies take the abortion pill, the resulting flow that gets flushed — similar to a very early miscarriage — leads to our drinking water being positively full of murdered babies, even though 1) not a baby and 2) not how municipal water delivery and wastewater systems work, not at all.
Gentle readers, it went on for hours.
As far as I can tell, the drama started well into a thread that started Tuesday, with yet another of those brilliant assertions that the word “fetus” is only a feel-good euphemism meant to conceal the fact that, from blastocyst to the delivery room, it’s a baby, with a soul and exactly the same humanity as those of us who are borned and walking around. That thread evolved from one on Christmas, in which the griping person also claimed that
Pro-aborties are so #AntiScience that they are currently arguing that the primary purpose of the uterus is NOT for childbearing. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried!
No, this person didn’t link to any such argument. Sad. In a Christmas miracle of time travel, when someone challenged her to show someone claiming that, she offered two replies to her first tweet as proof.
Somehow, the discussion of “fetus” vs “baby” led to this mind-bending non-sequitur from another person, not the angry fetus-definer:
That led to the first of many, many attempts to explain that, no, water from terlets does not go back to your tapwater, are you insane? (And if it did, all the poop might be of greater concern for public health than some “dead children.”) That user, however, soon dropped from the conversation (after further calls for repentance and calls to “Stop poisoning the water supply”).
The gauntlet was taken up by a new voice — literally, the account was created Wednesday — calling herself “Light of Faith Christian Bible Study,” and whoo boy, things went wacky from there. Unfortunately (a debatable term, I know), several of “Light’s” big thoughts were deleted soon after, possibly because she exceeded some daily limit for new accounts, but more likely, she surmised, because her TRUTH was being suppressed. Happily, I grabbed some screenshots before the deletia.
Here, someone tries pointing out that there’s a LOT in the sewers, all of which ends up at the treatment plant, only to be lectured about “dead baby residue from tapwater.” I have helpfully transcribed the weirdness in the alt-text.
We’ll note that the person who started the “dead babies in your water” talk also called people “sis” a lot, so we can’t rule out the possibility that “Light of Faith” is a side project.
A little more, because this is some nutty stuff. We’ll just transcribe for efficiency:
Light of Faith: dead children in our water supply isn't healthy. I think keeping your sex life sustainable without killing anyone would be ideal. Life is more than sex and killing children for convenience.
Skeptic: there are dead babies in my tap water?
Light: most likely if you're flushing them down the toilets. We need to bring ethics and sustainability back to America again. Life is more than sex and killing children.
Skeptic: that's... ...not how tap water works
Light: try asking an expert, not a bunch of baby murdering pro choicers. The facts and research says otherwise. If you wanna live in lies you do you tho.
Skeptic: It wasn't a question. That's simply not how tap water works.
Light: are you an expert on tap water? I don't think you are. Ask an expert about where the dead children go once they're flushed down the toilets.
And there you have it: Peak Twitter. You don’t know. You’re not an expert. ask a real expert about where the dead children go once they're flushed down the toilets.
We really enjoy imagining that phone call.
The stupid continued, with Light of Faith Christian Bible Study eventually posting — dozens of times, leading to more deletions for spamming — a link to a CNBC story about the two states, Arizona and Texas, that allow municipal water systems to send “highly treated sewage water” to drinking water systems, so ha ha, it does happen, just ignore that “highly treated” bit. But since the dead babies have immortal souls, surely those get right past the chemical treatments and the reverse osmosis or whatever, and then you drink them, pee the little babies out again, and they’re in the water FOREVER, like the dead babies embedded in ladies uteri when they’re on the Pill.
Also I learned from this exercise that some hip young forced birth advocates call their enemies “bro-choicers,” because terrible men force women to have ‘bortions so the men can have all the sex they want with no consequences. Here is an example, along with a poignant dig at The Family Guy for making cartoon Ariana Grande have an abortion and we just don’t understand what is in these weirdos’ heads, yikes:
This isn’t from the actual cartoon show, it’s a weird meme from some other part of the internet, and there’s just no predicting what people will find funny.
In conclusion, let’s remember that American science education needs massive investments, and also that, as Light of Faith Christian Bible Study reminds us, “Life is more than sex and killing children!”
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I’m drinking Cleopatra’s bathing water right now!
Hello, residents of Wonkettia,
I am an expert on water systems. I am also an expert on wastewater treatment. I am here to serve.
Love, PDL
Ps. "That is not how it works" was a factually accurate rejoinder.