Tim Walz Is Vice President Of Calling Tommy Tuberville Dumb As Dog Dicks
Tim Walz Is Vice President Of Calling Tommy Tuberville Dumb As Dog Dicks
It will be one of his main duties.
You are not ready for how vice presidential nominee Tim Walz is about to steal your heart (again).
Tim Walz said at a fundraiser in Boston last night, “I feel like one of my roles in this now is to be the anti-Tommy Tuberville, to show that football coaches are not the dumbest people.”
When we heard it we laughed for a good 30 seconds.
It’s clear that Tim Walz, just by being who he is, is getting deeply under MAGA men’s very thin and delicate skin. But OPE! these zangers and bangers!
And now this former coach, who Kamala Harris regularly refers to as “Coach Walz,” is openly calling Tommy Tuberville, who prefers to be referred to as “coach,” the absolute moron that he is.
We just wish we could have watched him deliver the line. You know how he gets when he says a funny.
Tommy Tuberville is well-known in America as the dumbest, most inbred cowfuck in the whole entire Senate, and probably the entire South and probably the entire US and A.
He mercilessly stole the title of Senate’s Dumbest Republican from Wisconsin’s Ron Johnson, and he’s been cuddling it in his arms like a prize-winning poo, even as all the other children are yelling “Flush it, Tommy! Flush it!”
He thought Russia invaded Ukraine because Russia is communist and it needed Ukraine’s farmland to feed its people. Don’t worry, though, he quickly shifted course and became the Kremlin’s dumbest senatorial cumsock mouthpiece.
He thought his brave Daddy fought in WWII to “liberat[e] Paris from socialism and communism.”
At one point he was under the impression the three branches of the US government were the "House, the Senate and Executive."
He called the cops because the former director of the CIA made fun of him on Twitter.
Should white nationalists be allowed to serve in the military? Tubs didn’t call them that, said Tubs. He called them “Americans.”
Remember that time he spent a year stupidly skullfucking American military readiness by holding up all the military promotions, because he was having a poopy in his pants about President Biden’s policy on abortion in the military? When he caved, he caved in exchange for nothing.
Tuberville is, quite simply, the stupidest PE major ever to escape from a locker room.
PREVIOUSLY ON THIS PUD!
On top of all of that, Tommy Tuberville is a guy who looks as stupid as he is inside, a guy you literally can’t draw a caricature of because you couldn’t possibly make him look stupider than he is. The caricature is just his literal face.
And though Wonkette is the official governing body that controls and grants the title of Senate’s Dumbest Republican, we are far from the only entity to notice that Tuberville is as stupid as he is and use it as the basis for entire articles.
And now here comes dear Tim Walz, declaring that one of his roles right now is to show Americans that not all football coaches are dumb mouthbreathing pigfucks like Tommy Tuberville.
God bless him.
By the way, inbreds and degenerates who are stupid as Tuberville are in the comments of Igor Bobic’s tweet above, saying things like “DUUUUUUURRRRRRRR WHICH SEC TEAM DID TIM WALZ COACH?”
As if there’s some kind of long tradition that says SEC coaches are inherently intelligent men.
In related vice presidential news, new audio came out yesterday where JD Vance, Donald Trump’s embarrassment of a running mate, agreed with a podcast host that “the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female” is to help raise children, and that that grandmotherly child-rearing is "weird, unadvertised feature of marrying an Indian woman."
We’ll have a whole ‘nother post on that on Wonkette later this morning.
So that is your news of the two vice presidential candidates.
Oh, also that Walz has agreed to debate Vance on October 1. Vance hasn’t agreed yet. But Walz says he plans to use the time to fuck Vance up about Project 2025.
Hopefully Vance can get unstuck from the couch and show up.
[video via Heartland Signal]
Evan has a new side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
Straight savage!
One of the dumbest things I find about Tommy Tuberville is that his family decided it should be pronounced Tubberville, which is so much stupider than Twoberville, the way most people would automatically expect it to be pronounced.