Trump: Too Stupid To Pay Off Porn Stars Without Getting Caught, Too Stupid To Have Nukes
Trump: Too Stupid To Pay Off Porn Stars Without Getting Caught, Too Stupid To Have Nukes
There was a Frank Luntz focus group.
Ever since Donald Trump was convicted of his first 34 felonies — not the first 34 he’s ever committed, just the first 34 he’s been held responsible for — there have been idiots in the mainstream media (and of course in delusional MAGA land) insisting that maybe it won’t matter to voters. Maybe the one thing voters have been saying consistently in pretty much every reputable poll, about how they’re less likely to vote for Trump if he’s convicted of crimes, is a big lie.
The Beltway media needs to believe that because HORSE RACE! HORSE RAAAAAACE!
MAGA idiots need to believe it because of their feelings.
Of course, one of the first post-conviction polls came from Reuters/Ipsos, and it found that one in 10 self-identified Republicans is less likely to vote for Trump now.
But sure, whatever, MAGA. There is a silent majority out there that truly madly deeply thinks what happened in Trump’s trial was the end of the Republic, and they’re going to come out to the polls with tears in their eyes saying “Sir? It would be an honor for me to pull this lever for you, sir! If only I, a big strong man, could stop crying long enough to vote twice!”
Let’s see what the people in this Frank Luntz focus group say.
Luntz talked to 11 undecided, legitimate swing voters — you know, morons! — to see what they were thinking. And remember: These people are often those who actually decide elections, whether they ultimately vote, and for whom, or whether they throw their hands in the air and say fuck it. It’s all a question of who turns out, how many of them, what for, and often more importantly, what against.
Here’s how those 11 ding-donged their ideas around on how to vote post-conviction:
Nobody became a definitely Biden voter.
But a few of them said they were definitely not voting for Trump anymore, or that they were more likely to support Biden.
So that’s not the silent majority Trumpers are looking for.
There was Hilary, white lady, age 55, from California. She’s not excited about voting for Biden, because she’s bought into the Sleepy Joe myths about Biden being senile, but “I cannot have the president be a convicted felon. Full stop.”
She wasn’t the only one who felt like that either. Ben, age 42, a white dude from Texas, has bought into the same Sleepy Joe myths, and yet:
So now it’s down to voting for the convicted felon or voting for Biden, the super-old, out-of-touch guy. I don’t really like either of those choices, but I think I’m going to go with the old guy losing his mind over the convicted felon who’s probably going to be out for blood as soon as he’s elected.
He’s still not sure. But probably Biden. Even though he thinks this is like choosing between the Nazis and the Soviets. Good Lord, Ben.
(See Blazing Saddles reference above, again, and always.)
Logan, a 31-year-old white dude lawyer from Oklahoma, said this about the fairness of the trial, suggesting that the RIGGED! and STOLLEN! message might not be getting through with non-MAGA diehards:
I’m an attorney. Say what you want about the charging decision and the prosecutorial discretion of Alvin Bragg, but at the end of the day, 12 people in a box — and you never know what 12 people in a box are going to do — were able to come to a decision.
Huh. Logan, like Ben, is also not exactly inspired by Trump’s plans to use a second term to exact revenge on people. Maybe that’s only really attractive to MAGA dudes who are extremely insecure. (He also says he cares about “reproductive rights” — that’s how he phrased it — so good for him, we think?)
Wendy from New York, a 57-year-old Black woman, said this is the worst of democracy, but not because Trump was unfairly treated — because “The fact that a felon can actually run for president hurts the general population.”
When one guy from Florida, a 37-year-old Black guy named Jonathan, started yakking about how THE LEFT is just trying to scare people into not voting for Trump, Frank, a 65-year-old white dude from Arizona was like LOL oh fuck no:
No left-wing party or person or individual caused Donald Trump to do a payoff.
Frank do have a point.
This was also when Logan, the Oklahoma lawyer, chimed in to explain that “Alvin Bragg is the only person that is deciding these things. That is not a left-wing agenda, Jonathan.”
Jonathan asked: “Is Alvin Bragg not trying to curry the favor of those on the left wing by targeting Donald Trump?”
That is not how anything works, Jonathan.
Shantel, age 33, a Middle Eastern woman in California, had practical concerns:
“How is he going to run the presidency from jail?” is what I’m thinking. It kind of doesn’t make sense to vote for him.
Shantel do have a point.
Frank, the 65-year-old Arizona white dude, said Trump is disqualified for him, not because this crime was so bad — “Everybody bribes someone, somewhere,” excuse us, WHAT, FRANK? — but he noted that Trump has all these cases pending against him, for much more serious things, like trying to overthrow the government to steal an election.
Frank just bursting with points!
Go read it all — it’s a long interactive New York Times thingie — and see who might vote for “brain worm Bobby” now, and who definitely thinks the trial was rigged. (Only ONE of them, a 58-year-old white idiot from Pennsylvania named John. That absolute dipshit also said “martyred” when the focus groupers were asked to give one word to describe Trump.)
Plus you can see who would vote for whom, were the election held today. (Five for Biden, three Trump, two Kennedy, one would stay home. Biden wins!)
But we’re going to give the last words in our piece to Ben from Texas.
Ben is particularly disappointed because “If any of us all did, like, one-thousandth of what this guy did for being on trial, the financial stuff, the forms, the bribes, the meeting with people, we all would have been fired.” Correct, Ben.
And Ben had a point to make about the ridiculous conspiracy theories about the trial being rigged:
A couple people have mentioned a massive judicial conspiracy of everybody going after him. OK, let’s talk conspiracy math here. The sheer number of people who would have to be working together to get something like this working just boggles the mind. And have you ever tried to get four people to agree on what to order for pizza? I just don’t see this working out. And at the end of the day, OK, fine. OK, I’m going to side with Jonathan on this one, saying, what’s the big deal about bribing Stormy Daniels? But I want a president who’s going to be able to cover up a $130,000 bribe to Daniels. If he can’t pull that off, I’m not going to trust him with the nuclear football. This seems like such an easy thing for him to screw up. I’m kind of leaning toward Biden now.
Too stupid to pay off porn stars, too stupid to have nukes!
Finally, Ben disagrees with Trump’s choice of porn star.
“There are so many wonderful porn stars out there,” said Ben.
Ben, ladies and gentlemen!
That’s Ben.
Evan has a new side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
It was not about bribing porn stars. It was about bribing porn stars with other people's money and then claiming it was your money.
So, basic theft, guys.
That rhythmic sound you hear is that of my head hitting the desk over and over. People of older ages, not just younger ones, are rather too lightly informed, misinformed, and maybe a bit checked out of what's been going on.
.
Thanks Evan! Great post. But fuck the NYT. And Frank Luntz can go fuck himself