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Party Report Card: Scott Lindlaw Leaves Town

its never a bad time to check the berryThe White House Press Corps, the most fearless questioners in all the land, came together Saturday night to send off AP's Scott Lindlaw, who is leaving town with his ladyfriend, Vanessa Loftus. But it's not like these people need an excuse to drink. Hosts Mike Allen (WP), Dick Keil (Bloomberg), Olivier Knox (AFP), Jon D. Garcia (ABC) and Jason Reed (Rueters) toasted Lindlaw with a full quorum of the liberal media elite including CNN's John King, FN's James Rosen, WP's Mark Leibovich, Time's John Dickerson(ian), NYT's Anne Kornblut, and Reliable Sourcette Anne Schroeder. The admin's First Lady brigade (Gordon Johndroe and Rachel Sunbarger) and Juleanna Glover-Weiss filled out the fair and balanced portion of the evening. We heard Joe Lockhart showed up later (joining fellow Glover Park Groupie Mike Feldman) but by that point we were so drunk we could have been at Lockhart's and not have known the difference.


Food: Stetson's. Greasy bar food served by moderately good-humored barkeeps. B-

Drink: Open fucking bar. Bartender reused patron's glasses -- environmentally aware? Cheap? We like not knowing what round we're on, though. A

Commerce Transacted: "You working tomorrow? Is there an election tomorrow?" People might have gotten laid, unclear. B

Key Fashion Accessory: Faux traveling press schedule and laminated "credentials." This is the kind of town we live in, we wear dorky things around our necks for fun. C

Where Would They Rather Be: Skiing in Tahoe (where Lindlaw's headed).

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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