Pat Robertson Fine With Cousins Marrying Just As Long As They Don't Make 'Mongoloid' Babbies
Pat Robertson is at it again, sharing the best possible Christian-y relationship advice out there. Like this viewer mail from "Jennifer," who wants to know if it's OK for her "close friend" -- sure, Jennifer, suuuuuure -- to marry a first cousin, because they are very much in love and feel like God has brought them together, why, they've even "received several prophetic words in favor" of the idea. Funny how when God talks to some folks, He never says "Are you out of your fucking minds? Your children will have tails!"
In any case, says Jennifer, “There is a clear, powerful call of the Lord on both of their lives. What do you think?” And then Robertson does science at her, first exclaiming “Kissing cousins! Hey, hey!” then telling her that nothing in the Bible says you can't marry a cousin (or in a pinch, if you're Adam and Eve's kids, your brother or sister, at lest until that chick from East of Eden shows up...). But you have to be careful about your jeans, he says, or you will end up getting your junk caught in the zipper:
"There’s nothing in the Bible that says you can’t marry your first cousin. Here you say everybody’s in favor of it. All right, go for it. But I would check the genetics ... just to be sure. You don’t want to have some mongoloid child; hrrmm, I shouldn't say mongohrmmm, well whatever."
If there were no Pat Robertson, we would just have to invent one, wouldn't we?
To be fair, which for some reason we do sometimes, Robertson did at least immediately check himself as soon as he said the completely outdated term for Down Syndrome out loud, because that is no longer the preferred nomenclature, dude. After all, he didn't go out and write an offensive song about it like those lads in the energy dome hats up above.
Then Robertson explained that there are "all sorts of latent genes that don't show up until two latents come together, and then you have a problem."
And that is where we will let you draw your own Punnett squares and make your own joke about latent people coming together, with or without Pat Robertson's involvement. Just remember to send pics to Steve King, or it never happened.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.