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If nominated for the presidency Paul Ryan will say "aw hell naw" and if elected he will not ... wait, what's this??? Oh, it is just a new ad from Paul Ryan, speaker of the House, about how liberals and conservatives should stop beating each other in the street and recognize they are all American and all human and he is sounding an awful lot like Barack Obama's "Purple States of America" speech that gave everyone such a boner for a Uniter Not A Divider and Paul Ryan is just saying, you know, he's JUST SAYING that HE doesn't hate liberals or black people (even though his first line in this ad was about "identity politics" which means black people who keep insisting on being black) and maybe they won't hate him either and if a contested GOP convention in Cleveland were to say "save us Paul Ryan you're our only hope," then 70 percent of the American people might not elect Hillary Sanders in the worst crushing since someone "ran" "against" Fidel Castro (if that has even ever happened, it seems like it would be dumb).


Paul Ryan is a bad man whose budgets denude your granny right down to her dentures, but his voice sounds very nice and thoughtful in this ad that is in no way an ad saying he is running for president, so he is probably a nice sober no-drama type just like the president and you can vote for him with a clear conscience since you hate Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders now, for being mean to the Vatican and swiping a Metro card wrong. PRAISE JESUS AND HALLELUJAH, Paul Ryan's the One!

[TPM]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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