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Paul Ryan Scared He Won't Get To Starve Poor (More) Before He Retires

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Paul Ryan is still retiring, but…. Did you actually think we could get rid of him without him trying to starve poor people (more) on his way out the door? Of course not. Reverse Robin Hood Ryan is STILL trying to find some way, ANY WAY, to get those dollars that go towards feeding the poor diverted to feeding the rich. Because Christian. No matter how many time we remind Mr. P90X that Jesus fed the poor for fucking free, he still lives in the world of Mean Jesus, who rips the loaves and fishes from the hands of starving kiddies. Mean Jesus says blame their parents for being poors and not being able to buy them "brown paper bag" lunches.


We all know that Ryan's LIFELONG DREAM has been to end "Entitlement" programs, because in his world, stories like Oliver Twist were about teaching children that it's perfectly okay to starve them if they don't have a good job or if their parents are grimy poor people. So, get your bootstraps on and boogie on down to the funky sounds of Paul Ryan snatching the crusts of bread from a baby near you. No, really. He totally would.

Now, Ryan has little bit of a new problem when it comes to being able to "reform" programs like SNAP and TANF, and that problem is time. With retirement coming up soon, Ryan is just dying to reverse-Jesus these programs that poor people depend on to survive. Like many who consider themselves "fiscal conservatives," Paul Ryan is overcome with waves of orgasmic nostalgia when opining about the days when the GOP got "Welfare Reform" through Congress. But unlike Jack Kemp, a mentor of his, Paul Ryan agonizes over the fact that he was not there to witness and dirty his hands with the legislation. So he wants to sacrifice those lazy takers immediately to make up for them not having starved to death, found Jesus, or won a Congressional seat by now.

"This is about saving souls, not dollars," he said in the PBS interview, noting that money would be saved on the back end when more people are out of poverty and off government assistance."

Dear Paul Ryan, you are not Neo-Jesus, and we do not need your clean pot washing hands laid upon us to help us find biblical salvation through government cuts to poverty programs. Please do try getting the fuck over yourself. Or fucking yourself. Whichever you prefer is fine.

Since when is it the job of the Speaker of the House of Representatives to "save souls" like Congress is a revival meeting or a mass baptism center? Also, will Paul Ryan ever give a shit that many people currently using those poverty programs are working RIGHT THIS MINUTE? Maybe he should try to raise the minimum wage? Isn't he the Speaker of the House? Many people say it is his job to bring legislation up for votes.

Another roadblock Paul Ryan is running into is the fact that it is not only Democrats who oppose his plans to end entitlements. Republicans, as usual, are also blocking his "reforms." Why? Well, to hurt more immigrants, of course!! MAGA!

Roll Call discusses the recent Farm Bill he tried to pass:

"The strict work reporting requirements for food stamp beneficiaries included in the bill were never going to be easy to get through the Senate, given Democratic opposition. But Ryan couldn't even get that popular GOP policy through the House, with some moderate Republicans opposed to the changes and conservative Republicans objecting to the bill to leverage concessions in an unrelated immigration debate."

Oh, lookie! He fucking sucks at his job.

Because of the fact that precisely zero Democrats support his cuts to entitlements, and that Republicans never liked him anyway, Ryan is probably relying on Trump's attempts to reorganize government programs, which are based on proposals by The Heritage Foundation.

From Politico:


"[T]he USDA has veered off of its mission by working extensively on issues unrelated to agriculture. This is mostly due to the nutrition programs," Heritage wrote in last year's report about reorganizing the government. "By moving this welfare function to HHS, the USDA will be better able to work on agricultural issues impacting all Americans."

Basically, they want to move programs around so that the Department of Health and Human Services, which has already gotten the green light for Medicaid to start creating severe work requirements, can also authorize harsh requirements for those receiving food stamp benefits. And Paul Ryan, a man known for possibly using tales of fictional children to make policy points, is dying to make his college dreams of cutting assistance to the poor his legacy in Congress. But time is running short and his retirement is drawing near,

What is an earnest "policy wonk" (LOL) to do when he only has about six months left to make it extremely hard for poor people to survive in America? And also when the President he relies on to help him stick it to the poor is way too busy putting immigrants in cages to properly starve poor children here at home? Don't worry about Paul, y'all, he's on the "road to Dumbasscus" (SEE WHAT WE DID THERE!) trying to herd his cats in Congress so they can take another swipe at ending poverty. And if you are wondering if his plan to "end poverty" is to let poor people starve to death, you are mighty perceptive and I agree with you. Starve a child to save his soul; it's the GOP motto.

Take care of each other, and beware of soft handed politicians who tell poor people to work harder as they wash clean dishes for a photo op.

[DailyKos]

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Follow Wonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @Wonderbitch81, or email her at bianca@wonkette.com

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