Paul Ryan, remember him? He's the jackass Mitt Romney picked to shore up the conservatives who think Mitt Romney is a goddamn commie liberal. He likes to exercise, and whine and show alpha dog Joe Biden his belly. Well, recently, he's been on an "I'm a big bleedingheart Catholic so my thing now is poverty" thing, and he proved it at CPAC today by sadsplaining that poor families (and also liberals) do not love their kids.

This, of course, is all happening because the GOP, in its infinite wisdom, has found a surefire electoral strategy, and that is being angry that poor children get to eat.

So first Paul Ryan made a Take Obamacare ... Please! joke, good one Paul Ryan, and then he started concernsplaining about free lunches, and how they make the Babby Jesus -- the one who multiplied the loaves and fishes and then sold them to the highest bidder in a perfect market -- cry.

Paul Ryan heard this story from this lady who works for Scott Walker who is presumably not the lady who loves to email all the hilarious lazy-black-people jokes. And the story goes that a totally not fictional Tyke, whom this lady totally met and definitely exists, explained he does not want chicken soup for his belly, he wants chicken soup for his soul, and that is to have parents who care about him enough to make his lunch for him and not let him get covered in communist goverment cheese.

"What they're offering people," Ryan homilizes, and he is talking about liberals, "is a full stomach and an empty soul."

Well. Okay. You go run a Salvation Army, Paul Ryan, and force the hungry homeless people to listen to just as much scripture as you'd like before they've earned their belly full of mush. But we'll see your tyke and raise you one of our own. When our son was in school, he begged and pleaded to be allowed to have free government lunch even though we were the editor of a newspaper and were TOTALLY RICH (he would have qualified anyway, because "boring reason here"), because all the other children got free lunch, because the school was poor and he did not want to stick out as a rich boy. (We were SO RICH.) (We did not let him have free lunch.) (Because that was for the children who needed it.) (Like we said, we did not.) (NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.)

Our point is, that lady's dumb fictional tyke has just been matched with our dumb un-fictional tyke. Guess what? BOTH OF THEM ARE STUPID. CHILDREN ARE STUPID. THAT IS WHY WE DON'T LET THEM DECIDE THE THINGS THEY GET TO DO, UP TO AND INCLUDING HOW THEY HAVE THEIR LUNCH.

Because if it was up to them, they would be eating FUCKING CANDY for lunch!!!EXCLAMATIONPOINT!

So spare us your "and a child shall lead them" bullshit, Paul Ryan, and just admit that your Ayn Rand hard-on gave you syphilis in your brain to the point where "children are takers" = electoral WIN. Sheeit, even George W. Bush wasn't that dumb. Idiot.

Also, Paul Ryan, New Pope hates you and says you are going to hell. : (


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Once upon a time, Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers at least claimed to focus their efforts entirely on immigrants involved in criminal activity. Those days are long gone, and now they're going after anyone, including law-abiding people who are just trying to drive their pregnant wives to the hospital to give birth.

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I'd mentioned this week that there's definitely probably a tape out there of Donald Trump referring to a black person as a "nigger," because Trump is a racist and that's sort of what they do. Sarah Huckabee Sanders won't even affirmatively deny such a tape exists, and she's from the "two plus two equals five" school of communications management. I also speculated that once the tape was released, Republican supporters of the president would flock to defend his vile words: "Hey, if you rearrange the letters in "nigger," you get "ginger" and who doesn't like redheads and the occasional Dark 'n' Stormy?"

The shameful display has already started and the supposed recording isn't even available for pre-order on iTunes. Georgia State Senator Michael Williams stated in appearance on CNN's "New Day Saturday" that if Trump -- who's the president, by the way -- did say "nigger," it would certainly concern him as an "individual" but "not necessarily as a person that is running our country." So, uh, what the hell is that? This has been a standard argument from Republicans ever since Trump crawled his way out of the sewers of birtherism and onto a major political stage: "We think Trump is a terrible human being -- seriously, we have to shower immediately after meeting with him -- but we still think he's a suitable steward of the most powerful nation on the planet."

Normally, you'd think this would work the other way. You know, your brother-in-law is a nice enough guy. Your sister certainly could've done worse. You don't mind the slightly rambling sports-ball discussions with him at family gatherings. He's good for looking after the kids (as long as your sister is present or reachable by cell), but you'd never invest your hard-earned money into whatever half-assed business venture he's trying to get off the ground nor would you back his run for any serious political office.

I've long had issues with the "brilliant asshole" archetype in TV and movies. It's almost always a white male (because women and minorities must be perfect) whose emotional immaturity and overall jerkass behavior we're told to overlook because they're so goshdarned awesome. Do you want some PC "cuck" or do you want Dr. House to figure out that the MS symptoms you're suffering are really just because you ate a stale doughnut? Sherlock Holmes doesn't have time for your feelings or social niceties -- not while he's solving mysteries and being dreamy.

Trump, however, isn't "brilliant." He's just a guy who says "nigger." They're hardly a scarcity in the market. You don't even have to venture out to a klan rally to find one. You can order online -- same day social media delivery.

Williams argues that Trump didn't use the word "nigger" when he was in the "office of the president." It was just some youthful indiscretion when he was almost 60. I don't even know where he's going with this. Does he think Trump has changed? He routinely insults and belittles black people. He also calls black NFL players who peacefully protest "sons of bitches." Was that his way of weaning off calling us "niggers"? Has he been wearing a "nigger" patch on his arm to control his cravings for the racial epithet?

"He used the word in his personal life," Williams said. (It was actually in a workplace context -- SER) "Now if he were president and were to go on TV and use the n-word, I'd have a major problem with that."

It's heartening repulsive to see that Williams draws the line at Trump holding an official "nigger" press conference. I think once we reach that point, Trump will probably also reveal that his buddies on the Supreme Court discovered a typo in the Thirteenth Amendment and black folks' work-life balance will start to really suffer.

"I will always say using the n-word is wrong, and it's bad, and should never be accepted in our society. But just because (Trump) might have done it years ago, not as our president, doesn't mean we need to continue to berate him because he used it," GOP state Sen. Michael Williams, who is white, told CNN's Victor Blackwell on "New Day Saturday."

Blackwell, who is black, had to sit there and listen to this crap from a white elected official who is just 45 years old. You know, the word "nigger" doesn't even appear in the Dred Scott decision, for example, but that's not necessary for reasonable people to understand that it was racist as hell. We all know Trump is racist, but now Republicans can't even repudiate the worst demonstrations of his racial animus. The first black president hasn't even been out of office for two full years and already "nigger" is being redefined. What would once end a campaign in its tracks when Blackwell and I were growing up is now just an "oops, my bad."

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