Paul Ryan Pretty Sure Scientists Too Dumb To Be Sure about Global Warming
Paul Ryan one-upped the rest of the Republican Party in a debate against his Democratic challenger Monday night. Most R's have been content to say that they don't have to express an opinion on the reality of climate change because "I'm not a scientist." But Paul Ryan went one better and said that neither are scientists.
When the moderator asked the candidates if they thought climate change is real and caused by human activity, Ryan went bold:
"I don't know the answer to that question," Ryan said. "I don't think science does, either."
Ryan also said that efforts to combat climate change are costly and are unproven, a popular position among Republicans.
After all, why would scientists know anything? Only 97 percent of climate scientists agree that global warming is real, caused by human activity, and already having effects on sea level, growing seasons, migration patterns, and other phenomena. So far, it has had no effect on the ability of Republicans to lie with a straight face, however.
Ryan's challenger, Rob Zerban, wasted his CO2-laden breath attempting to point out dumb factual science stuff (and noting that a shift to greener energy would actually boost economic growth).
Zerban said climate change is serious and man-made. He also said it's an opportunity for Americans to invest in renewable energy that produces fewer greenhouse gas emissions, which scientists blame for climate change.
"These severe weather events have local consequences," Zerban said, pointing to potholes on Wisconsin roads that were the result of a brutally cold winter.
But if the winter was cold, doesn't that just prove that there's no such thing as global warming? Next you'll be saying that people can have chills and a fever at the same time!
Because nobody loves irony nearly as much as those wags at the Pentagon, a few hours prior to the debate in which a former candidate for vice president of the United States said that nobody knows if climate change is real, the Department of Defense released a report that said that climate change is an immediate threat to national security:
With increased risks from terrorism, infectious disease, global poverty and food shortages. It also predicted rising demand for military disaster responses as extreme weather creates more global humanitarian crises.
The report lays out a road map to show how the military will adapt to rising sea levels, more violent storms and widespread droughts. The Defense Department will begin by integrating plans for climate change risks across all of its operations, from war games and strategic military planning situations to a rethinking of the movement of supplies.
Well, damn, it looks like the bleeding-heart Greenpeace hippies at the Pentagon are in on the big Global Warming Hoax, too. Shouldn't they be off bombing stuff instead of considering how poor hungry people whose land is vanishing might cause trouble?
We're looking forward to Paul Ryan insisting that the Pentagon, like those greedy climate change scientists, is just a bunch a politically correct shills for Big Climate.
Also, too, the debate included one other exchange that we are compelled to mention:
"This was my first debate. I hope I did all right," Zerban said as the debate came to a close.
Ryan told his rival that he did fine.
"You're much more pleasant to debate than Joe Biden," Ryan said with a smile.
Oh, yeah. We liked that too. Malarkey!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.