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By now, we all know what happened that fateful night in Benghazi. Hillary Clinton made FOUR DEAD AMERICANS while she ate bon bons and phone-lesbianed Huma Abedin, because she was home alone THE WHOLE NIGHT that night. She also brought Vince Foster back to life so she could send him to Benghazi so she could murder him, and then she did a shady Whitewater land deal, and made an email to Sidney Blumenthal that just said "LOL doin' Benghazi right now" and Bill Clinton didn't care because Monica Lewinsky was giving him a hummer right then and he was busy.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/595254/what-the-benghazi-hearing-taught-us-republicans-are-dicks-hillary-already-president"></a>[/wonkbar]And Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-Dumbass) KNOWS this happened. He just can't prove it. He admitted that his hilariously awful Benghazi hearings produced No New Information which would render Hillary #guilty. In fact, he just ended up looking like a whiny ass titty baby, and made Hillary look Presidential As Fuck. But Gowdy didn't give up. He is still investigating Benghazi, because one of these days, he's going to find his smoking gun and YOU'LL SEE!

Well, apparently the Pentagon is officially tired of Gowdy's shit. The Department Of Defense sent him the bitchiest letter ever, for us to LOL at. Here's an excerpt:

In case you can't click on the letter to read it in all its pissy glory, because your boss thinks PDF files are NSFW, or if you are just lazy, here are some key phrases that will give you an idea of the overall tone:

  • "I write in response to the Select Committee on Benghazi's recent crescendo of requests ..."
  • "While we understand that investigations evolve over time, it is unfortunate ..."
  • "The Department is working diligently to accommodate your staff's multiple and changing requests; however we are concerned by the continuous threats from your staff..."
  • "Subpoenaing our service members ... when no service member has refused to appear voluntarily, is unfair to our uniformed men and women, and an unproductive way to move forward."
  • "The committee has made requests of individuals who seem unnecessary even for a comprehensive investigation ..."
  • "I would respectfully request that you ensure pending interviews remain focused on obtaining facts rather than encouraging speculation."

Do you sense the SEETHING PISSED-OFF-ITUDE contained in this very polite and official letter? In other words, they are staying STOP fucking wasting everybody's time, STOP wasting taxpayer money, STOP bothering people, and go the fuck away, Trey Gowdy, you pitiful fucking man-child.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/595257/rep-elijah-cummings-america-is-a-better-country-than-this-benghazi-hearing-bs"></a>[/wonkbar]And why do we have this letter? Because the Democrats on the House Benghazi Committee released it, because you just know Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Badass) and the other Dems on the committee are even more sick of this shit than the Pentagon is.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/583694/gop-will-release-benghazi-report-in-2016-to-help-hillary-clinton-obviously"></a>[/wonkbar]But Gowdy and his moron GOP pals are almost finished with the investigation finally and will finally derail the 2016 election by proving Hillary is the real murderer, so that Donald J. Trump can be president of bombing the shit out of things. Gowdy did say last year that he figured they'd release their report this year, not that there's anything political about his investigation, heck no. Oh look, here is an article in The Hill that says they're getting "close" to spooging out the results of their exclusive investigation (and by "exclusive" we mean the LITERALLY EIGHTH BENGHAZI INVESTIGATION), so maybe this will all be over soon?

NAH, because Trey Gowdy isn't going to find a fucking thing, so he'll have to start a ninth investigation, and a tenth investigation, and an eleventieth investigation, and after that he will die from being too stupid to live.

[Department Of Defense letter via The Hill]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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