People Are Going Crazy On The Pot, Say Morons
Ah, the weekend. Time for yr Wonkette to get away from the computer and relax. Maybe drink some beers with friends or go hiking in the California sun or spark up a nice fat bowl of medicinal marijuana - we suffer from a chronic health condition our doctor has diagnosed as paralyzing existential anxiety with acute despair. Unfortunately our medicine has a particularly nasty side effect, according to an essay by Herman Cain’s web editor Dan Calabrese - it can also cause demonic infestation. We hope that’s nothing like the head lice we had once when we were a kid, because the medicinal shampoo we had to use for that sucked.
Take it away, not-at-all crazy person.
The use of mind-altering substance for “recreational” purposes puts a person at serious risk of demonic attack because what you’re doing is rejecting the natural chemicals God already put in your body as insufficient to satisfy you physically and emotionally.
What a killjoy.
Herman Cain had originally tweeted a link that Dan the Demon Slayer had posted on Cain’s own website about a recent medical study that ginned up all sorts of scary headlines this week about how even casual pot use could permanently alter your brain. Which is true! We didn’t smoke pot in our teens, but then we smoked quite a bit in our twenties and became way less of an asshole!
Oh, and also the scare stories like Calabrese’s that were written in response to this medical study? Yeah, maybe not so much, according to MedPageToday.
We had to read a little farther down in Raw Story’s piece to find out what Calabrese was really after.
“I don’t think it’s healthy for people to be obsessed with demons,” he concluded. “I understand what your website is, but I think it’s much healthier to be focused on Christ. Because that’s how you become free of those things.”
Whew, that’s a relief. We were sure you were going to say something about Xenu. Christian, Scientologist, tomato, toh-mah-toh.
Speaking of insane hell-demons, Nancy Grace was also on one of her periodic anti-pot crusades this week. The impetus was this truly terrible story out of Colorado about one Richard Kirk, who apparently suffered some sort of psychotic break and in the midst of hallucinating about the end of the world, got a gun out of the family gun safe and shot his wife in the head while she was on the phone with a 911 operator begging the cops to come. Early reports had it that Kirk might have eaten a pot brownie or some other kind of edible. Since people consume pot brownies every day without snapping like Amanda Bynes, one suspects there is something else at play here.
Nancy Grace, however, did not get where she is by cooly and calmly investigating mysteries and gathering facts first. She’s more of a “tweet first and let God sort ‘em out” kind of idiot, even if those tweets make her sound like William Randolph Hearst jacked up on meth.
After a couple more hysterical tweets along these lines, actor Seth Rogen stepped in and said what we were all thinking.
Somebody get Nancy Grace a bottle and put her down for her nap.
Follow Gary on Twitter. You gonna bogart that?