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Person Responsible For The POLITICO Will Decide The Best Writing And Reporting, Now

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Oh ho ho ho, big victory for banal reactionary Mad Lib The POLITICO, as executive editor Jim VandeHei was just elected to serve on the Pulitzer Board. He is the first person from the Internet to ever do such a thing! Reports... the POLITICO, cynically: "'In many ways, the Pulitzer Board is on the same mission as POLITICO: to embrace new media while fighting to protect the highest standards for writing, reporting and accuracy. I am honored to be a part of this effort,' VandeHei said." Ten Pulitzers in the category of fiction for Jim VandeHei. [The POLITICO]

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BREAKING ACHTUNG EVERYBODY CRY AND PANIC AND HAVE ROLLICKING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, BECAUSE ROBERT MUELLER DID THE THING.

We don't know what the thing means yet, but we know that he gave the thing to Attorney General Bill Barr, who is presumably looking at the thing right now. Donald Trump is at Mar-a-Lago, so he does not have the thing, because NO THING FOR ILLEGITIMATE PRESIDENTS. Studies show that according to sources close to the investigation who may or may not be close to the investigation, we might have some real information on what is inside the thing sometime this weekend.

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Whatcha doin' down there at Mar-a-Lago, Mister Normal President Of America?

OK ... huh?

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