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PETA on the Hill: Mock Meat with Live Bones?

Wonkette's red blooded American boy operative got a fake wiener from some real Playboy models, and he lived to tell the tale. There's probably a Sandy Berger sock-stuffing joke to make here, but we're still getting over that whole Madison club thing. [Spitting noises, cough]


Highlights:

"I walked over to the Rayburn building and joined the line of 20 or so hungry, mostly young people awaiting veggie dogs, which were indeed being ladled out by two blond 'sexy centerfolds' with thousand-watt smiles, clad in lettuce-adorned bikini-type garments that displayed copious amounts of Playboy's trademark titanic round breasts."

"A CSPAN camera crew worked the line but skipped me over; apparently, they have little use for middle-aged white male wiseasses who look like they're just itching for a chance to spout off on camera. Instead, the interviewer focused on a brace of young female staffers or interns, one of whom saw nothing exploitive about PETA’s use of bikini-clad Playboy Soymates because, as she put it, 'nobody’s forcing them to dress like that.' Really? Nobody’s forcing them? Nobody? Hasn’t she ever heard of THE PATRIARCHY!?!"

"I suppose that I should attempt the predictable line about how 'those hotdogs are no more real than the breasts on the gals serving them!' but I'm no expert, and thus can't say for certain whether the models' protuberant, twin-radar-dome effect resulted from surgical enhancement or the latest developments in underwire technology."

Full account after the jump. And, obviously, if anyone has any pictures. . .

Playboy Playmates in Lettuce Bikinis Protest National Hot Dog Month [PETA]

Today, as they do once a year, the meat industry trade association gave away free hot dogs in the interior courtyard of the Rayburn House Office building.

And of course, that means that outside the Rayburn building, PETA staged its "Eighth Annual Veggie Dog Luncheon," featuring two gen-yoo-wine Playboy Playmates serving up veggie dogs while wearing nothing but "strategically placed lettuce leaves."

I'm no vegetarian, but I do make it a point to enjoy a "meatless Wednesday ... July 21, " and so on my lunch break I walked over to the Rayburn building and joined the line of 20 or so hungry, mostly young people awaiting veggie dogs, which were indeed being ladled out by two blond "sexy centerfolds" with thousand-watt smiles, clad in lettuce-adorned bikini-type garments that displayed copious amounts of Playboy's trademark titanic round breasts. They might not have been current Playmates, though: their bare midriffs, while admirably flat, lacked that chiseled, angular look of skin spay-painted onto ripped muscle that TV would have you believe is the norm, but which is actually found only on growing teenagers and borderline-anorexic exercise nuts who've never ingested a drop of beer. Instead, the veggie bunnies' bellies were more normally coated with an inviting layer of soft flesh, making them seem like real people ... at least until your gaze inevitably strayed upwards.

A CSPAN camera crew worked the line but skipped me over; apparently, they have little use for middle-aged white male wiseasses who look like they're just itching for a chance to spout off on camera. Instead, the interviewer focused on a brace of young female staffers or interns, one of whom saw nothing exploitive about PETA's use of bikini-clad Playboy Soymates because, as she put it, "nobody's forcing them to dress like that." Really? Nobody's forcing them? Nobody? Hasn't she ever heard of THE PATRIARCHY!?!

Sadly, the veggie dogs - made of soy and something called tempeh – couldn't hold a candle to their cruel, carnivorous competitors: only someone who's never savored a Hebrew National Kosher all-beef frank would find them barely acceptable. The Veggie Bunnies must have suspected this (despite constantly talking up the "spices" allegedly used to perk up their off-tasting wares), because they sagaciously advised us customers to load up on condiments. Indeed, the gustatory highlight of the whole affair was two heaping trays of delicious sauteed onions.

I suppose that I should attempt the predictable line about how "those hotdogs are no more real than the breasts on the gals serving them!" but I'm no expert, and thus can't say for certain whether the models' protuberant, twin-radar-dome effect resulted from surgical enhancement or the latest developments in underwire technology.

I might have gone into the Rayburn building where the Meat Lobby was handing out bonafide hot dogs made from genuine meat, but I knew I'd never get past the metal detector.

http://www.goveg.com/feat/veggiedog.html

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