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Mike Cernovich, an adult man who for some reason insists upon going through life talking like Baby Snooks, would like some goddamned respect here, please! And for some reason, despite becoming the BEST JOURNALIST in the whole entire world a mere few months after deciding to call himself a journalist, he can't get none! How is that even fair?


He has been doing all kinds of journalisty things lately, like investigating important stories like Pizzagate! He was even the first to "break" a big story about Susan Rice doing her job! He is a very objective and unbiased journalist, as demonstrated by the fact that he writes every story about himself on his Medium blog in the third person.

Like this very objective article titled "Bloomberg’s Eli Lake Must Apologize to Mike Cernovich for Lying About Him, then Become Friends" in which he accuses Eli Lake of stealing all his stories and being mean by calling him a conspiracy theorist. And in which he quoted himself to himself:

Cernovich bears no ill will towards Lake and has told this reporter they should become friends. “I like everyone,” Cernovich said, noting that, “Other than mindset, nothing is more important than friendship.”

In several articles, Reporter Mike Cernovich objectively reports on how various people and celebrities (like Christian Bale!) could be helped by adopting "Gorilla Mindset," which he claims is a real and totally valid thing to people other than Mike Cernovich. He also believes his book on the subject, which he invented himself, was a non-fiction bestseller in 2015, which I have been unable to find any evidence for outside of his own mouth.

Recently, Cernovich was granted access to the White House Press Room, where he was also unable to get any respect. Not even from his fellow journalists, even though they are not as good at journamalisming as he is! He bravely confronted scores of reporters assigned to cover the White House and the Trump administration to demand to know why they have not demanded that prominent Democrats publicly denounce the "violence against Trump supporters" committed by Antifa (anti-fascist) groups.

Now, to a person who is employed as an actual reporter or even your typical bright layman who knows how reporting assignments work, that answer might seem obvious -- that those journalists in particular are assigned to cover the Trump administration. One reporter even told him this. But Cernovich was not buying that, and wanted to know why they weren't interviewing Bernie Sanders (???) and demanding that he denounce this violence. He knows there is a massive coverup -- nay, a full on conspiracy!

Cruelly, all the mean, elitist reporters refused to even answer his question, and instead just laughed at him. As if they were at a White House press conference to ask questions about things going on in the White House, rather than to answer to Reporter and Documentary Filmmaker Mike Cernovich. Proof of a cover-up, for sure! Probably they are jealous of how good he is at journamalism, and also his Gorilla Mindset that he has. They do not even have the mindset of a gorilla, which is why they are so bad at their jobs!

Behold, Cernovich's own reporting on the situation!:

Cernovich, a White House correspondent and award-winning journalist, was attending a press briefing hosted by Sean Spicer. After the briefing was over, Cernovich asked the assembled “journalists” why they refuse to disavow political violence. Videos of the interaction have already been seen millions of times.

Many in the room laughed out loud. Others were engraged and showed a total lack of emotional control.

Someone Cernovich never heard of asked if he was a journalist. Cernovich politely took these attacks in stride, as the people in the room were filth who have no moral authority over him or anyone else.

What award Cernovich has won for his journalism is unknown to me, or to Google. Perhaps he is referring to the time when he graciously declined an imaginary Pulitzer award that no one was planning to give him?

That could be! You would think that people would have more respect for him, given that he nearly won the Pulitzer for news he just made up about how he thought Hillary Clinton had some kind of special variety of Parkinson's that caused her to cough sometimes, but alas. All he wants is for all the journalists to admit that they are corrupt and terrible, and to then be his friend and treat him like a fellow respectable journalist. And also stop acting like he just makes stuff up! And also start acting like Gorilla Mindset is a real thing that everyone knows about! Is that so much to ask?

[Media Matters]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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