PlameGateCrash: Possible Indictment Outcomes
The atmosphere in Washington right now regarding the outcome of the Fitzgerald investigation has an emotional pitch somewhere between the night before Christmas and the week before finals. Everyone's real excited (journalists) but, shit, what if you show up for the test naked (White House officials)? In any case, three long-time Wonkette readers have looked into the tea leaves and forecast the likely (and not likely) outcomes of indictments. Play along if you dare.
While White House has reportedly been making contingency plans in the event that the CIA leak investigation leads to indictments, they can't plan for everything, though...Or can they?More after the jump.
Rank the following from most- to least-likely to occur following any PlameGate indictments:
• Homeland Security Secretary Chertoff announces "real, credible" threat to Hoover Dam
• Attorney General Gonzales announces DOJ Task Force to investigate prosecutorial misconduct nationwide.
• Carter "attack bunny" returns to the White House grounds
• Bush withdraws Miers nomination, nominates Fitzgerald instead
• Bush agrees to appear at legal-defense fund-raiser for Rove, Libby
• Bush holds Oval Office meeting with Paula Jones, pushes "perjury no big thing" theme
• "Someone" nukes Syria.
• Bush announces that weekend military briefings fulfill National Guard obligation
• Bush, defending Rove, gives exclusive interview to "BarneyCam"
• A smiling Laura Bush, on Today Show, calls Fitzgerald "kind of queer"
• Armstrong Williams writes first draft of passionately pro-Rove column on back of White House check for $100,000
• Libby defiantly rejects the legitimacy of the grand jury, gives title as "president of Iraq"
• In clerical mishap, Cheney resignation letter mentions him having "Chandra Levy's heart"
• Ahead of key television interview, Wolfowitz offers Judy Miller: "Oh, I'll lick your comb."
• Fitzgerald clarifies: "No, no, I'm criminalizing politiCIANS"; Nation rejoices
• Handed staggering opportunity to eviscerate Bush White House, Democrats drop ball
• Sighing Israel strikes Iran nuke sites, says 'you owe us'
• Bush moves US capital to Idaho, 'where I'm loved'
• Cheney reveals Crystal, Billy, not Kristol, Bill, crafted Iraq war plan
• In weirdly passionless ceremony, Mehlman weds Rice