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Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free

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Do you dig Mike Huckabee? Who doesn't, really? If you do, you'll definitely be into his speech at the Conservative Value Freedom Summit God Bless America Property Rights Jamboree thing over the weekend, sponsored, of course, by Citizens United and Americans For Prosperity. Huckabee, like every other conservative there, was stroking himself off to the thought that there might be an insurrection uprising shootout fun time over Cliven Bundy's refusal to pay fees to graze his cattle on public land, because everyone knows that God meant for Americans to use every last bit of land for their personal gain whether they own it or not, because freedom. But Huckabee took his haranguing one step farther, and managed to do a conservative greatest hit concert and hit every imaginary grievance those people have. Oh, and he also decided he'd rather live in North Korea because of all their freedoms.


Oh my god, check out that crowd of old white people. They keep hopping up to give Mike a standing O for his stirring words, but then they sit right down again, only to pop up a few seconds later. A bunch of them probably had to take their heart pills after that.

Now you might think "oh hey, I kind of wouldn't feel free in a place where people are starving to death and get shot by the Dear Leader for disagreeing, or for being his ex-girlfriend, you know how it is, chicks man, but that is because you are not Mike Huckabee, and you have not suffered the slings and arrows of Fast and Furious, which is a thing conservatives are still mad about, we guess? Also too BENGHAZI!1!, which we did not think could relate at all to cattle grazing, but in the fevered mind of Mike Huckabee it does because we have no idea why.

Mike Huckabee is also very mad about Brandeis students protesting the proposed commencement speaker, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, because they realized she is maybe kind of a bit too firebrand-y about hating Islam. And oh, Mike is positively overcome with sadmad about Brendan Eich having to leave Mozilla because of the gay marriage hating. We are not really sure how examples of two private institutions making decisions about speech in their own private institutions equal government tyranny, but again, we are not Mike Huckabee. Perhaps he thinks that Bamz amassed some ATF and FBI agents at the doors of Brandeis and Mozilla and made them do it?

So Fast and Furious plus Benghazi multiplied by Brandeis and Mozilla equals less freedom than North Korea, especially because Mike Huckabee has to show ID at the airport.

“My gosh, I’m beginning to think that there’s more freedom in North Korea sometimes than there is in the United States,” he continued. “When I go to the airport, I have to get in the surrender position while people put hands all over me. And I have to provide photo ID in a couple of different forms, and prove that I really am not going to terrorize the airplane.”

Huckabee added: “But if I want to go vote, I don’t need a thing. All I got to do is show up and I can give them anybody’s name, and that’s okay.”

Sound argument! Except for the fact that there is no constitutional right to fly on a plane, but the whole voting thing is kinda enshrined in the Constitution, but otherwise those things are exactly the same indeed.

Given that we don't yet have the technology to send Mike Huckabee on a rocket into the sun, we'll have to settle for crowdfunding a plane to take him to the Worker's Paradise that is North Korea. Help us out, won't you?

[Raw Story]

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On Monday, someone attempted to murder George Soros by putting a bomb in his mailbox. Also on Monday, someone threw a rock into House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy's office. Also, I spilled some hot coffee on myself. These are all things that happened on Monday, and were by some measure unpleasant. While most people might say, "Yes, all of those things are unpleasant, but they are not equal degrees of unpleasant," most people are not Chuck Schumer.

In what appears to be an attempt to get someone on Fox News to describe him as a "reasonable guy," Schumer sent out a tweet today lamenting the "despicable acts of violence and harassment" being done by "both sides."

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Republicans are KILLIN' IT in Florida, you guys! No worries about election day, Gators. It's all smooooooth sailing for the Sunshine State GOP. Just take it from Governor Rick Scott's lead pollster Wes Anderson, who produced a whimsical, unskewed poll for the campaign, featuring nostalgic jams about high Republican turnout in those good old days, telling the Tampa Bay Times,

As the linked slides indicate, Governor Scott currently leads Senator Nelson 51% to 46%, a lead that is outside of the margin of error.

It should also be noted that this sample from last week is very robust at 2,200 interviews of likely voters, stratified by county to reflect historic mid-term turnout. Our sample shows the Republicans with a one-point turnout advantage, even though we believe we will end up with a two- or three-point advantage. For historical context, in the past two mid-term elections Republicans had a four-point advantage in 2010 and a three-point advantage in 2014. At R+1, that makes our current sample a very conservative take on the likely partisan composition of this year's electorate.

NEEDZ MOAR BILL MURRAY.

No other pollster has replicated those numbers, with SurveyUSA, Quinnipiac, and CNN/SSRS all finding Bill Nelson in the lead, but if OnMessage, Inc. says Scott is running way ahead, then it must be true! Only OnMessage promises to "take your principles, your experience, and your opponent's weaknesses to develop a winning message plan that the voters will embrace." And who wouldn't trust a push pollster, right?

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