Time for another episode of the your favorite Law Porn Procedural, starring Stormy Daniels, Michael Avenatti, Michael Cohen and Keith Davidson. Don't panic, Cohen and Davidson will keep their clothes on! And yet, today's show is definitely the nastiest, dirtiest one to date. Seriously, double bag it, kids -- this shit is gross!

When last we left the crime scene, Avenatti had just filed suit against Cohen and Davidson, alleging that they conspired against Davidson's former client Stormy Daniels. And he had the texts to prove it!

Davidson responded by saying he considered the suit a "full and complete waiver of the attorney-client privilege." Which is ... not how that works. And yesterday, Davidson sued Daniels and Avenatti for slandering him and ruining his very good name. To which your Wonkette says, "LOLOLOL! Good luck, buddy!"

This is a guy who got Charlie Sheen to fork over $2 million to keep his HIV status quiet. Davidson's own client, adult film actress Kira Montgomery, says he encouraged her to take photographs of Sheen's medications because, "It'll help your case."

This is a guy who narrowly escaped indictment after the FBI caught him trying to sell a stolen sex tape to wrestler Hulk Hogan. The Smoking Gun reports that the infamous Gawker clip deliberately omitted the portion of the tapes where Hogan used racist slurs:

While viewing the tapes, [Hogan's attorney David] Houston said, Davidson made a comment to the effect that, “The tapes that were released were the shot over the bow, but not the shot that would take the ship down.”

This is a guy who made his living selling celebrity sex tapes and diaries, including of Paris Hilton and Kanye West.

This is a guy who told an undercover FBI agent that his business mainly consisted of closeted gay people paying handsomely to avoid being outed.

And, lest we forget, Davidson is also the guy who brokered Karen McDougal's whopping $150,000 hush money agreement and the Elliott Broidy $1.6 million babydaddy Playboy bunny hush money agreement.

SO WEIRD that he's representing himself pro se in this action to recover for damage to his absolutely sterling reputation!

But Davidson is nothing if not ballsy. He's also suing Michael Cohen for secretly recording their phone conversations in violation of California law. Yes, a lawyer who makes his living selling surreptitiously recorded sex tapes has been grievously injured because Michael Cohen violated his privacy. We anticipate Davidson's imminent arrest for MURDERING IRONY DEAD.

Davidson's most credible allegation against Avenatti pertains to this tweet.

In point of fact, Davidson seems not to have been arrested after the FBI sting operation where they caught him telling Hulk Hogan, “I don’t know if [the sex tapes were] stolen... And, quite frankly, I don’t want to know if they were stolen.” But, please, tell us more about mean old Michael Avenatti ruining your good name, Keith!

Avenatti responded by publishing a Dropbox compilation of Davidson's greatest ethical hits, including the 90-day suspension of his license to practice law in 2007 for failing to properly represent two medical malpractice clients and for assorted, ummm, ooopsies with his client trust account. So there's that!

You can read all about Davidson's extra-super-ethical history in this long piece by William Bastone at The Smoking Gun.

And now Yr Wonkette will go do some deep breathing exercises and try to forget that these assholes made us read about Bubba the goddamn Love Sponge.


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Please click here to give us money for brain bleach! These people are NASTY!

[Davidson v. Avenatti / Davidson v. Cohen / The Smoking Gun]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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