Please Kill Us: YouTubers Are Idiots, Part III

Charles Nelson Reilly! - WonketteHow much worse can it get? In the last few minutes, we've had a talking ice cream cone and some Bay Area libtard crying in her bathroom about the fluorescent light tubes. How did you personally sacrifice somebody for the sake of Mike Gravel taking the train and taking the bus?


8:30 -- Ha ha, they all took private nuclear-powered spaceships to the debate, and each flight melted 10 million miles of ice cream.

8:31 -- The YouTube doesn't work so well at CNN, either.

8:32 -- TAKE THAT OBAMA.

8:32 -- "That" being "talking about liquid coal" or something. A few months ago, about 50,000 people forwarded some e-mail about Obama making "liquid coal", which sounded racist to us so we deleted them all.

8:32 -- Hey Hillary, will your husband still be BFF with George H.W. Bush when you're dictator?

8:33 -- Shut up, Melissa, and quit moving your fucking hands.

8:35 -- Biden's "YouTube-style video" is just a crappy teevee commercial. He should've done one with the Mentos and Pepsi.

8:36 -- THE RIGHT DECISION IS TO DRINK EARLY AND OFTEN.

8:38 -- An expat commenter says CNN has blocked the online feed in Europe, I think. Why does CNN hate Europe?

8:40 -- The minimum wage is going up tomorrow! Pareene, we're RICH!

8:40 -- Okay, I just texted for peace. Do we have peace yet? Also, is Kucinich making money off this scam?

8:41 -- Ha ha, "Mitt Romney Money" is a sorta funny insult.

8:41 -- Oh shit, Biden's got less money than I do. Does that include his house? Surely he owns a couple of houses.

8:42 -- Look, here is some truth: 80% of people are making less today than they were, in inflation-adjusted dollars, in the early 1970s. Wages for 4/5ths of the country have been declining for 30+ years. So raising the minimum age another buck in three years isn't going to do anything. Plus, you don't have to pay minimum age to illegal laborers!

8:44 -- Oh I heard this shitneck singing this stupid song on NPR the other day and I almost wrecked the car, on purpose.

8:48 -- And now something that makes about a hundred million people sad: No health care, sick, etc. And none of these people at this debate will do anything to help the poor sick people. Maybe Kucinich, but he doesn't get to be president ... unless we vote by text message!

8:50 -- Uh oh, did Edwards just do the "casting aspersions" thing on Obama? What does it mean??

8:51 -- Countdown to John Edwards saying his daddy worked in a mill ... one, two, three .....

8:51 -- Oh my god the guy could not talk until he was 53 years old that is kind of terrible.

8:51 -- Hillary Care! It's back! It's better! But Hillary cares.

8:52 -- What you learned, Hillary, is that it doesn't matter what you want and what every other developed country has, because this country is owned by the health insurance & pharmaceutical corporations.

8:53 -- Fight fight fight! Well, it looked like Dodd was about to punch somebody for a minute.

8:55 -- Hillary says it was "a problem" that Bush was elected in 2000 and that Gore was actually elected. Has she just endorsed Gore? Oh wait, I think she just endorsed everybody onstage, maybe Anderson Cooper too.

8:56 -- Mike Gravel knows the truth: Hillary and Bill sold out the Democrats, to the Hedge Funds! (He is actually right, but he acts crazy so nobody will pay attention.)

8:56 -- Obama is upset because even the YouTube vidiots are all cynical about how all these people (except Gravel, presumably) is a Wall Street hack.

8:57 -- So quick, let's change the subject to "god and guns," because that's a pressing issue.

8:58 -- Hey, this dipshit can read a coin! (CAPTION FOR COMPLAINING COMMENTER: A DIPSHIT READ A COIN IN A YOUTUBE VIDEO; THE COIN SAYS GOD, LIBERTY, ETC. HOPE THAT HELPS. PS -- TEEVEES ARE PRETTY CHEAP THESE DAYS.)

8:58 -- Here's another video, with a kid saying he hates god. Well, don't we all?

8:59 -- John Edwards: "I love Jesus so much."

9:00 -- So the kid asks them if they'll avoid all this god/christian ass-kissing and they respond by all spouting platitudes about Jesus.

9:00 -- It's over, right? It can't go over two hours.

9:01 -- It's still going on. Speaking of gun control, where's that gun?

9:01 -- Now let's pander to the gun nuts. That should get everybody upset enough one way or the other to completely forget about the whole sellout.

9:02 -- HAHAH ... Finally, a candidate puts down the stupid YouTube morons! The video cretin is caressing his machine gun and calling it "my baby," and Biden responds by calling him a mental case. Outstanding! And then says the guy shouldn't have a gun at all, and is a dangerous lunatic. Ha ha.

9:03 -- Oh, great, "lighten up the mood a bit."

9:04 -- It's like Lou Dobbs! Hug hug hug!

9:04 -- (CAPTION: THE CANDIDATES ARE ASKED TO TALK TO THE CANDIDATE NEXT TO THEM AND SAY A GOOD AND BAD THING ABOUT THAT CANDIDATE, OKAY?)

9:04 -- Mike Gravel served with Chris Dodd's great-grandfather.

9:05 -- John Edwards likes Hillary's pink jacket. OH JESUS SHE'S WEARING THAT PINK JACKET AGAIN I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

9:06 -- Almost ... over.

9:06 -- Bill Richardson will make ALL of them serve as his vice presidents.

9:06 -- Bill loves Biden and will have him be his secretary of state.

9:06 -- Biden: "The thing I like best about Dennis is his wife." APPLAUSE, GUNSHOTS.

9:07 -- Dennis loves Mike Gravel.

9:08 -- Wonkette likes Anderson Cooper's shoes. Ha ha, Wonkette likes nothing. Good night!

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