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Politicians From America's Weirdo Unattached States Form Unholy Alliance

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There has often emerged from the American electorate a sort of vague, inchoate idea that more "bipartisanship" is needed in our politics. Elitists who are heavily connected to the financial services industry but are cool with abortion and gay people think, completely incorrectly, that this indicates that there's room for some sort of middle ground third-party, when it probably actually just means that people want Congress to not treat every little vote about trade policy or whatever like it's the debate over the Fugitive Slave Act, and at least pretend to be nice to each other. Sadly, the only elected officials still capable of doing this come from the dispersed American Pacific Empire, as we can see in a new ad in which a Republican congressman from Alaska endorses a Democratic congresslady for Hawaii, for Senate. What terrible debts are being repaid over the course of this low-budget 90-second ad?


Aww, look how cute it is, these two getting along!

Isn't it cute how Alaska Republican Don Young literally spends the entire ad begging to be allowed to call Nancy Pelosi a rude name? WONKETTE GUESSING GAME: Does this name start with "b" or "c"? You be the judge! The Washington Post "She The People" politics ladyblog calls it "refreshing," so we know it's all in fun.

Anyhoo, Mazie Hirono (D) is still running in her primary for Hawaii's open Senate seat this year against Ed Case, who's actually more of a centrist than she is. Former Hawaii Governor Linda Lingle is unopposed for the Republican nomination, and the Republicans think this is a good opportunity to pick up a seat, which means that someone must have pissed off Don Young pretty bad to get him to do this. Probably something about the education for native Hawaiians and Alaskans they mention in the ad, which sounds exactly like the sort of reverse racism that the brave heroes of the Republican caucus have sworn to defeat.

Anyway, let's see what America's most thoughtful political commentators, the people who post comments on YouTube, think of this outbreak of bipartisanship:

We all of course knew that Hawaii wasn't really part of America, but it's just sad to see Sarah Palin's Alaska joining it, in hell. Enjoy quietly seceding from the union and pressing on with your trans-Pacific lovefest, losers! [WP]

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Ann Coulter is not impressed with Donald Trump's presumptuous plan to stop ripping babies away from their mothers and sending them to infant prison. For quite a while, Ann has been obsessively lamenting the very idea that American people even have children to "fill their lives with joy," but now (lol, "now") Ann has shifted her rage to immigrant people. Every time you watch her waving her alien-length arms around in a ritualistic frenzy over how shitty liberals are, just remember that we have already seen the emptiness of her soul laid bare. Remember that time she wanted to eat your baby because you got a tax credit?

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Screenshot- Right Wing watch via Fox News
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It's just another Wednesday in an America that snatched kids from their parents and locked them up in old Walmarts. Trump just signed an unneeded executive order ending his heinous child separation policy, but his "the bad guy mobster in a mobster movie" tactics might've had some permanent damage. What remains of the shriveled-up soul of the grand old poor-screwing Republican party has finally had enough.

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