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Sarah Huckabee Sanders Hired By Father Of (Trump's) Lies

So that's on brand.

Donald Trump is the king of lies, a sad and weak little man who lies so much that if his mouth slit is even minimally open, you can be pretty sure he is lying. And Sarah Huckabee Sanders, when she was his press secretary, was the most disgusting asshole liar ever to stand in the White House press briefing room and collect a paycheck for lying on behalf of a lying liar.

But before there was Donald Trump the liar, and before there was Sarah Huckabee Sanders the White House Press Liar, there was Fox News, which has seeded many if not most of the lies Trump and Shuckafuck have told in their time in the public eye. Way back when Trump was just a cranky white supremacist conspiracy theorist grandpa on Twitter, he was obsessed with Fox News. (Now he is a cranky white supremacist conspiracy theorist grandpa on Twitter who also lost the people's vote by three million who is obsessed with Fox News. So we guess we're saying he's even less of a man than he used to be, which is remarkable.) One might even say Fox News is the father of Donald Trump's lies.

So it follows, and is completely expected, that now that Sarah Huckabee Sanders has destroyed the White House press briefing and fucked off to Arkansas to get out of our face, that she would choose to get back in our face and demand cheese plates so she could collect a paycheck for lying on Fox News, the father of Donald Trump's lies.

That's right we Shithole Sanders is officially going to work for the Father of Lies. But hasn't she been this whole time, really?

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Environment

The Amazon Is On Fire. Bummer If You're A Fan Of Oxygen.

Thank God Brazil's president has a conspiracy theory to explain it.

We would hate to sound like alarmists, but it's probably a very bad thing that massive wildfires are destroying huge swaths of the Amazon rainforest. The Amazon has seen enormous rates of deforestation since rightwing president Jair Bolsonaro took office January 1, and Bolsonaro's response so far has been 1) to accuse the government agency that measures the deforestation of lying and being the tool of evil international NGOs trying to make him look bad; 2) to fire the head of that agency when he pushed back, and 3) to blame the fires on his political enemies. As of yet, Bolsonaro hasn't yet argued that someone needs to be raking the forests more carefully, but we imagine he'll get there. Perhaps he could blame fish, or maybe abortion, too.

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News

Very Shocking New Poll Shows Anti-Abortion A-Holes Mostly Just Hate Women

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

You are never going to believe this, but it turns out that, according to a new poll from Supermajority/PerryUndem, people who are against abortion actually don't seem all that concerned about unborned babies. If you are shocked, you have not been paying attention. We and many others have been saying for years that if these people actually gave a shit about fetuses, they'd support policies that actually reduce the need for abortion, as opposed to trying to criminalize the women who need them and the doctors who provide them. But no, it's about control, and it's about punishment.

The entire poll, which is called "Gender Equality, the Status of Women and the 2020 Elections," is worth a look-see, but we are most interested in the part about the correlation between people's views on abortion and how they feel about other gender equality issues. SURPRISE, but so-called "pro-lifers" mostly just hate women.

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Immigrants

New Trump Rule Will Keep Migrant Families Together -- In Jail! Forever!

'Oh, so now liberals don't want families kept together? Hypocrites.'

The Trump administration will publish new rules Friday aimed at gutting the Flores settlement agreement, the 1997 consent decree that set up rules for how the government can treat migrant children in detention. Stephen Miller will finally realize his dream of getting rid of the Flores provision that prevents the government from imprisoning children for more than 20 days, and a glorious new day will dawn when asylum-seeking families can be imprisoned indefinitely. Eliminating Flores has been one of Miller's top priorities, because he believes that not treating immigrants cruelly enough is the main reason people seek asylum in the first place. Now if Miller and Trump could simply eliminate the courts where the new rules will be challenged, we'd finally have an America to be proud of.

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Featured

Who Put The Dumbass Greenland Idea In Trump's Head? This Dumbass Did.

BAD TOM COTTON, BAD.

NOW WE KNOW WHO THE ASSHOLE IS.

When it was first reported that Donald Trump was waddling around the White House begging to write letters to Santa so he could say he's been a very good boy this year, therefore can he pretty please have Greenland, Rachel Maddow exhorted the people who surround Donald Trump not to play such cruel pranks on the president, filling his tiny little brain with ideas like this. Everybody knows by this point that if you tell Trump some hilarious bullshit, especially hilarious bullshit that could inflate his false sense of importance, he will take to it like a puppy with a bone or a full-grown dog showing lipstick, and he will not. let. it. go. Thus, Greenland.

Hell, the news came out, and it turned out Trump was so addicted to the idea, and soooooooo very not in on the joke, that he actually had a temper tantrum and canceled his upcoming trip state visit to Denmark when he found out he would not be allowed to close escrow on Greenland.

And now we know how he got that idea. The trouble is that the person who gave him the idea is at least as stupid as he is, so it feels a little bit cruel to tell Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton not to play jokes like this on the president, since he's probably not in on the joke either.

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Trump

Don't Get Assaulted By Nazis Or You Might Lose Your White House Press Pass

When it's Nazis versus journalists, you can guess who Trump is going to side with.

It's a day that ends in "y," and the Trump regime is flouting its disdain for the press, the US Constitution, and the American people. So Playboy White House Correspondent, CNN analyst, and general badass Brian Karem is suing.

In a lawsuit filed Tuesday in DC federal court, Karem alleges that Our Dear Leader, along with Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham, unconstitutionally took away Karem's White House press pass. And let me tell you, Karem's complaint and accompanying documents are a thing of beauty, with lines like this one:

As part of his sustained and unprecedented attack on freedom of press, President Donald J. Trump and his administration have yet again violated the fundamental due process and First Amendment rights of a White House Correspondent by arbitrarily and without fair notice or compelling reason punished him by depriving him of the liberty and property interests that inhere in his "hard pass" press credential that is essential to covering the presidency.
So, how did this all start? Back in July, Trump had a cute little fascist "social media summit" at the White House with a bunch of right-wing nutjobs to complain about journalists and whine about losing Twitter followers. Immediately following, Trump and his Twitter friends went to the Rose Garden so Trump could completely cave on the Census before a live studio audience. After that sad event, Nazi and former White House official Sebastian Gorka ran up to Karem to accost him and scream in his face.

Naturally, there were no consequences for the Nazi. The journalist, however, must be punished. #2019.

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2020 presidential election

Jay Inslee Ends Campaign To Spend More Time With Planet

Also available to be Climate Czar.

Washington Gov. Jay Inslee announced last night he's ending his presidential campaign after not reaching the polling threshold to be included in the September Democratic debates. On MSNBC's "Rachel Maddow Show," Inslee said he was glad his campaign had "advanced the dialogue" on climate change in the 2020 race, and that he believes America is finally ready to take the action needed to prevent the worst possible effects of global warming.

I've been fighting climate change for 25 years, and I've never been so confident of the ability of America now to reach critical mass to move the ball.

Inslee also said that his detailed plan to address climate change, which he said has been recognized as the "gold standard," is now "open source" and should should be adopted by other candidates. Quip points to Maddow, who said Inslee's multi-part program "isn't just a road map, it's an atlas." Whoever gets the nomination and replaces the guy Inslee called "the climate denier in the White House" now has available to them a thorough plan to meet the goal of getting the US to net zero carbon emissions by 2030 and resume the role of world leadership on the greatest threat to humanity. Here's hoping they take it.

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Congress

House Democrats Just Wondering If Someone In Munch's Shop Messed With Trump's Tax Audit

UNPOSSIBLE!

Can you sue the Chosen One? Do you have to go to Israel to get personal jurisdiction over the King of the Jews? Does the Lord Herself have to deliver the subpoena, or will Alan Dershowitz accept service? Lucky for House Ways and Means Chair Richard Neal he doesn't have to worry about any of that, since the Second Coming is the plaintiff suing the Committee to stop it from blasphemously accessing his sacred tax returns.

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2020 presidential election

If Joe Walsh Primaries Trump, Will We Stop Calling Him A Deadbeat Dad?

Unleash the 'Life's Been Good to Me So Far' Jokes!

Joe Walsh, the one-term tea party congressdick from Illinois turned passionate Never-Trumper on Twitter, is hoping to run against Donald Trump from the right. The Washington Post reports Walsh is "leaning toward announcing a campaign next month," despite Trump's near total takeover of the GOP, and last week Walsh wrote an op-ed in the New York Times making the case for a real conservative challenge to Trump, saying that as a guy who won a single term in Congress during the teabagger rebellion of 2010, he knows "a thing or two about insurgencies" and their potential to shake up the establishment. Which sort of ignores the tiny detail that Donald Trump remains an unstable insurgent even when he is the establishment.

Still, Walsh, who was booted out of Congress by Tammy Duckworth and her robot feet in 2012, has made a real effort on Twitter to present himself as a voice of "principled" conservative anti-Trumpism. In his Times op-ed, Walsh even sorta-kinda apologized for his very worst rightwing crap, because maybe he has some shame or something? Just look at the repentance!

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News

If Trump Is Really God's 'Chosen One,' God's A Dumbass

All of these things happened in the last 24 hours.

Scenes from the last 24 hours in the life of the anti-semitic human pubic thatch with the messiah complex, Donald John Trump!

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Media/Entertainment

Ted Cruz So Mad At New York Times You'd Think It Called His Wife Ugly

Haha, it's funny because that was Donald Trump.

Disney villain henchman Ted Cruz is has been having a full-blown Twitter tantrum all week long over the failing New York Times. The Texas senator is pissed because the Times has moved on from accusing Donald Trump of colluding with Russia (as if that's even a real country) to implying that white people once owned black people (wow, if true).

Cruz believes the New York Times is part of a liberal conspiracy to convince Americans that Trump is racist. These diabolical "journalists" will achieve this by covering all the racist things Trump says and does, and because Trump is so damn racist, the Times might have to create a whole new infrastructure to handle all the breaking racist news.

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Trump

Trump Can't Have Greenland, So Denmark Can't Have Trump, NEENER NEENER!

Wag the Musk Ox.

Donald Trump, with his characteristic sense of tact and diplomacy, abruptly announced on Twitter last night that he would cancel a planned trip to Denmark because the Danish prime minister said Greenland isn't for sale. Yes, that would be just days after Trump also said that while it might be fun to buy an autonomous Nordic territory, such a purchase wasn't the main reason for the planned September 2-3 visit to Denmark. And now it's only a matter of time until other nations' leaders announce parts of their countries aren't for sale either, in hopes of keeping Trump away.

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Immigrants

Pesky Employees Demanding 'Paychecks'? There's An ICE For That, Maybe!

Thanks a lot, ICE!

Just in case you thought there's something awfully hinky about the Trump administration's war on immigrants, here's one more suggestive anecdote: In New York, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents scooped up an undocumented Chinese worker while he was in the process of testifying in a deposition against his former employer, who he says owes him $200,000 in back wages. Isn't that, as Dana Carvey in drag used to say, convenient?

Add this one to the distinct lack of any charges -- at least not yet -- against the seven chicken processing plants in Mississippi that ICE raided earlier this month, resulting in arrests of nearly 700 undocumented workers. Why, it's almost enough to make a cynic think the goal is to help rotten employers get away with sleazy business practices, it is. Somebody on Fox ought to complain about what a poor moral example Donald Trump is setting for the nation's impressionable capitalists.

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SCOTUS

DOJ <3 Discrimination Against Trans People

And let's also discriminate against all women while we're at it, because why not?

Trump's DOJ is at it again! In a brief filed Friday, the Department of Justice argues to the Supreme Court in Harris Funeral Homes vs. EEOC that trans people deserve to be discriminated against. It also throws in some arguments that would allow all kinds of discrimination against all women, because why not?

Somehow, the DOJ's brief managed to be even worse than I expected.

Their logic seems to rest on two main contentions. First is that a transgender woman is actually a man who can legally be forced to present as male in the workplace. Second is that transgender people, as a class, can legally be discriminated against. They also argue that the court ruling for the woman in this case, who was fired simply for being a transgender woman, "would transform Title VII into a blanket prohibition on all sex-specific workplace practices" -- and that, apparently, is a bad thing.

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Media/Entertainment

Let's Talk About Kamala Harris's Awesome Rally Playlist, Some Other People's

Spoiler Alert: Kamala's is the best.

The New York Times has taken time from its busy schedule promoting racial discord to analyze the campaign rally playlists for the presidential candidates. It only bothers with the top 10 contenders and Donald Trump so we won't delve into the music preferences of the other Tim Ryans. We assume there's some Hootie & the Blowfish or Billy Ray Cyrus on there.

We like big finishes so we'll end with Kamala Harris's playlist, which is obviously the best. It's no contest. There's more competition for the worst slot. We almost gave it to Pete Buttigieg because he actually has Hootie on his playlist ("Learn to Live"). However, he saves it with a hit from Sir George Michael -- the Queen hasn't answered our letters but we assume it's a matter of time before she posthumously knights him. We would've chosen "Too Funky" or "Hard Day" instead of "Freedom! '90" but it's still enough to erase the lingering Hootie aftertaste. [Incorrect, Freedom '90 is the best George Michael unless Mayor Pete wanted to get his Father Figure on, SER is fired. -- Editrix]

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