fox news

Jesse Watters Just Asking Who Will Turn Letters On 'Wheel Of Fortune' If All The Women Go On Strike

Just another edition of The News.

Who ever knows what imaginary news the rubes are bitching about on "The Five"? The last time we visited with them they were whining about imaginary late night shipments of illegal immigrants to the Westchester airport north of New York. Yep, that's how easily led and racist they are.

And now Jesse Watters is holding his thumb and forefinger just so, angrily jerking himself off over certain woman members of Congress suggesting maybe all the women should go on strike after Sam Alito, Clarence Thomas, Brett Kavanaugh, Neil Gorsuch, and Amy Coney Barrett decided to have a judicial circle jerk all over freedom and bodily autonomy when they overturned Roe.

But because it's Jesse Watters, a man who by his own accounting tricked his now-wife into getting into his car by letting the air our of her tires, it has to be laced with incel-style contempt disguised as funny good time sexism jokes about all the things that won't get done if women go on strike.


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polls

Raphael Warnock MAYBE POSSIBLY Doing Very Well But Maybe He Isn't, You Don't Know

ONE POLL.

Look, there are a whole bunch of disclaimers, and this is news that should make absolutely nobody relax and go eat a peach and forget to vote in November, but it is possible Senator Raphael Warnock is doing very well in Georgia.

A poll (ONE POLL) from Quinnipiac University (ONE QUINNIPIAC UNIVERSITY) says Warnock is 10 points ahead of professional robot ballerina rocket scientist cowboy porn star Power Ranger spaceman Herschel Walker.



This would be very good! But again, it is one poll (ONE POLL) and it doesn't look like this race has been polled very much, and this is definitely the biggest lead that's manifested for Warnock, but on the other hand this is the only major poll taken after the past month of total fucking embarrassment for Herschel (who's got multiple personalities? JESUS OUR LORD), so maybe that's really the way the numbers are trending.

But on the other other hand, secret Wonkette operative "Florida numbers guy" says Quinnipiac polling blows a whole goat in the South.

So who knows?

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SCOTUS

Supreme Court Kills Tribal Sovereignty Too In Case You Thought It Was Just 'Women' And 'Classrooms Of Kids'

What was that about our nation's history and traditions?

The Supreme Court tossed out decades of precedent (again) Wednesday, granting state governments wider authority in prosecuting crimes on Indian reservations than had been allowed under previous court decisions. The decision, written by Brett Kavanaugh, deeply undercut a Supreme Court decision from just two years ago. In that case McGirt v. Oklahoma, Neil Gorsuch believe it or not wrote a very good decision in favor of tribal rights.

As a result, big parts of eastern Oklahoma, including Tulsa, were declared to still be tribal land, where tribal or federal courts had jurisdiction in cases involving Native Americans. Oklahoma state government didn't care for that, and sued to have some of its prosecutorial power returned. Wednesday's decision accomplished that, at the price of undermining tribal sovereignty and tossing out much of established precedent.

ICYMI: Neil Gorsuch Wrote A Really Good Supreme Court Opinion. Wait, Where Are You Going?

As with other SCOTUS decisions this term, Wednesday's decision in Oklahoma v. Castro-Huerta hinged on Donald Trump's addition of one more rightwing jerk to the court. In 2020, Ruth Bader Ginsburg was still around to join the majority in McGirt, but this week, Amy Coney Barrett joined four other rightwing justices to roll back McGirt in a serious way. This time around, Gorsuch wrote a very angry dissent, joined by Justices Elena Kagan, Sonia Sotomayor, and Stephen Breyer.

At issue in this case was a matter that had long been treated as settled law: What power do states have in criminal cases involving non-Indians? (We're going to use that dubious antiquated word more than we usually do, following the usage of the Court and some prominent Native American legal writers. Usage is always evolving, unless you're talking federal courts, right?)

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WonkTV

Live From Madrid, It's The President Of America!

WonkTV is back, baby!

President Joe Biden has been at the NATO Summit this week, and according to various websites he is holding a news conference in Madrid. Allegedly.

We are sure he will have a lot to talk about, or maybe he will just make fun of Vladimir Putin's nipples the whole time -- oh no, there is a reason for that joke, it is important international business -- who even knows.

Let's watch it together and find out!

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