Democrats need to hurry up and start treating minorities like crap if we're going to win elections.
The UK's Labour Party got spanked last night, and although I'm a devoted viewer of The Crown and Victoria, I'm not really qualified to make sweeping statements about British politics. Fortunately, conservative writer Andrew Sullivan is prepared to tell us what his homeland's self-destructive impulses can teach us here in his adopted country.
Yes, Democrats are DOOMED as we take a "hard-left" slide that's likely to end with nominating Joe Biden for president. The Twitter that Sullivan and other conservatives use proudly exists in the real world, but "Left Twitter" is apparently a holodeck simulation where 15-year-old SER makes out all day with Counselor Troi. If liberals are on a fake Twitter, then why are we always warned that criticizing Democratic candidates will help re-elect Donald Trump? It's obvious nothing we do matters.
It's cheaper to just buy his own country and stock it with loyal, non-soda-drinking subjects.
Democratic presidential candidates wake up each morning eager for the latest polls to reveal how little voters think of them. The Morning Consult poll from yesterday surveyed 15,000 people in the four "early" states (Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina). This was during the period since I lost Kamala Harris and any measure of hope. Here's the menu. It's set, no substitutions.
Swinging Joe Biden breaks away from the pack, but Bernie Sanders is still a strong second. Hillary Clinton was 20 points ahead of Sanders at this point in 2015, but the Vermont senator lacked the name recognition he enjoys now. Elizabeth Warren is a distant third. Pete Buttigieg is tied (!) for fourth place with Tom Steyer's solid gold charisma. Buttigieg's performing well in Iowa and New Hampshire, but Nevada and South Carolina voters are giving him the back of their hands.
Harris returns to life but can her campaign?
The one millionth Democratic primary debate took place Wednesday night in Atlanta, Georgia. Everyone watching received a free toaster. MSNBC and the Washington Post co-hosted the debate. The moderators were all women -- Rachel Maddow, Andrea Mitchell, Ashley Parker, and Kristen Welker -- so the questions were significantly less stupid.
There's no compelling evidence that these debates have much impact on voter choices. But we should talk about some of the key moments, like it's a reality show recap for Television Without Pity. Kamala Harris came out swinging from her carbonite prison. She's owed Tulsi Gabbard some payback after the Russian representative shivved her on stage during the July debate. Last night, Harris flipped her hair with style and dragged Gabbard to the curb for trash pickup.
Gabbard talks a lot of smack about the Democratic Party. She also loathes the former Democratic presidential nominee, Hillary Clinton. She frequently criticized Barack Obama during his presidency. Her own YouTube channel proudly posts her appearances on Tucker Carlson's white supremacy hour. Harris pointed out how odd this is for someone running for president as a
spoiler candidate supposed Democrat.
If the tag's still attached, then they have options.
People -- well, mostly white dudes -- like to claim that Hillary Clinton was a sucktastic candidate. However, there's a reason her only serious competition in 2016 was the socialist. It wasn't because the DNC "cleared the field" for Queen Hillary's coronation. People just didn't want to get their asses beat.
It's quite a different primary race this time. So many Democrats are running it's hard to notice when they drop out. It's like raking leaves. They still keep piling up. Joe Biden is the mostly undisputed frontrunner, and that excites no one, not even his wife. He was the non-threatening choice, perfectly capable of defeating Donald Trump with his high-octane electability. But according to a recent article in the New York Times, the "movers and shakers" in the party are having second thoughts. Maybe they finally Googled "Joe Biden." Regardless, according to the Times, they're asking themselves, "Is there anybody else?"
New York Times
Please stop already with the "Michelle Obama for president" nonsense. Michelle and Barack are out there living their best lives. She's not giving that up to become anyone's personal Oprah. There's an actual black woman already running in this primary. Support her.
The voters don't matter. The women in danger don't matter. The kids don't matter. The blessed NRA is all that matters.
In yet another signal that elections no longer matter in Wisconsin, Republican lawmakers held a special session of the state legislature yesterday. It lasted under 30 seconds, just long enough to gavel the session in and then adjourn. You see, Wisconsin law gives the governor, Democrat Tony Evers, the authority to call a special session, so he called one to bring forward two gun safety bills. But the law doesn't require the legislature to vote on bills or debate them. And that's why the Rs, who got their seats through some of the most outrageous gerrymandering in the USA, dismissed the legislation in less time than it took for cops to end this summer's mass shootings in Gilroy, California (under a minute) and in Dayton, Ohio (roughly 30 seconds). As much time as the Doolittle raiders spent over Tokyo, if you're an old. But hey, it took 10 times as long as it did for a cop to shoot Tamir Rice to death, so some things are faster.
We suppose the Republicans will now expect to be praised for not only preserving the holy Second Amendment, but also for saving Wisconsin taxpayers so much money on electricity at the Capitol.
Democrats need to start eating their vegetables and supporting moderates.
Michael Gerson wrote in the Washington Post yesterday that Elizabeth Warren's rise in the polls "should horrify Democrats." But these polls aren't data about climate change. They reflect voter preference, so Democrats are the ones responsible for Warren's "horrifying" rise. Of course, Gerson isn't talking about the Democrats who are silly and liberal enough to support Warren. He means "moderate" Democrats (and Republicans) who vote responsibly.
Gerson cites a New York Times Upshot and Siena College survey that showed Warren even with or losing to Donald Trump in the all-important six swing states that curiously determine entire presidential elections. Oh noes! Socialism on Krypton is doomed. If we had short-term memories, we might recall that a year before the 2016 election, Hillary Clinton was grinding most Republican challengers, especially Trump, under her heel. But now we believe in polls again or rather continue to interpret them narrowly, like the witches' predictions in Macbeth.
New York Times
It's weird that Gerson singles out Warren's performance in the Times/Siena survey. Joe Biden, our electable white knight, is within the margin of error with Trump in these states. He's only doing a point better in North Carolina than Sanders and Warren, which is interesting. Those two northeast libs were supposed to repulse black Southerners like unseasoned greens. This very same poll, by the way, had Clinton a full 7 points above Trump in Pennsylvania just a week before the election. Trump wound up carrying the state. This doesn't mean that polls are doo doo, but maybe moderate Democrats should stop holding them up as conclusive proof that so-called "far left" candidates are electoral poison. I'm not a big Sanders fan, which I'll express by not voting for him in the primary. I don't need to cosplay Cassandra about his chances in the general election.
What's Up Kentucky, Virginia, Mississippi Elections? Oh, There Are Kentucky, Virginia, Mississippi Elections?
Why do so many former Confederate states hold odd-year state elections? Why would they insist upon opening the polls every single year, spending millions of additional tax dollars and forcing voters to take yet another day off work, just to keep local and national votes separate? Yeah, it's a MYSTERY! It's almost like the system is deliberately structured to depress turnout and keep the electorate as rich and white as possible to ensure Republicans hold power forever.
Tomorrow Kentucky and Mississippi will hold closely watched gubernatorial elections, and Virginians will go to the polls to determine which party will control the legislature for the all-important redistricting after the 2020 census. Here's what to watch for.
Here, kids, have a toothbrush, a Chick tract, or a Klobuchar.
Corporate fat cats are soiling their solid gold pants over the possibility of President Elizabeth Warren. They've tried everything to stop her rise to frontrunner status. But no matter what they throw at her or how often they remind voters she's openly a woman, Warren keeps coming like the Terminator.
Politico has a hilarious article out today where "people of means" cry into their caviar about how Lizzie W. will take multiple whacks to income inequality. They're reportedly in a state of "existential panic" and feel helpless to do anything but fund mealy mouthed moderates and "pray."
"There's really not a damn thing you can do about Warren. There is nothing," said one prominent Wall Street hedge fund manager and Democratic bundler who is raising money for a Warren rival. "It's the same thing Republicans went through with Trump. You look at her and think what she is going to do is going to be horrible for the country. But if you say anything about it you just make her stronger."
Republicans in 2016 thought Trump was a bigoted moron and feared we lived in a country where bigoted morons couldn't win the presidency. They were only right about the first part. Mr. Prominent Hedge Fund Manager -- or "douchebag" for short -- is just worried Warren will heavily regulate an industry that periodically wrecks the economy and impoverishes the people who put his socks on for him.
Donald Trump knows more than you do. He singlehandedly defeated ISIS, saved the economy, and forced those lesser countries to respect us again. Plus he went to Wharton! As a transfer student, and because someone owed his brother a favor, but still. No one can MATH good like Donald Trump, so if he tells you that the polls are on his side, you can take that to the bank. (Valid at Deutsche Bank only.)
LOL, we are silly today! Although, just this once, the Tweeter in Chief is actually talking about a real number, not one he pulled out of his voluminous ass. The New York Times surveyed voters in Michigan, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, North Carolina, Florida, and Arizona and found that 94 percent of Trump 2016 voters opposed the impeachment inquiry. But six percent of his voters think it's Impeach the Motherfucker-Thirty, which is probably a fair indicator that they're not going to be pulling the lever for him in 2020.
If you don't like it, he'll have another one in a few months.
Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg was for Medicare For All before he was against it. Now, he's for it for all who want it, which we guess is not everyone. It's confusing. But the South Bend, Indiana, mayor is trying to torpedo Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, who support Medicare For All. Let's take a look at Buttigieg's current position.
Whoa, those are a lot of promises there, slick. It's similar to the Republican shuck and jive on health care. They were going to gut the Affordable Care Act but they were also going to keep everything voters liked about it, such as protections for people with pre-existing conditions. It was the sort of sleight-of-hand "magic" Marianne Williamson might've appreciated. I still haven't met the people who are so in love with their health insurance plans they fear the government separating them like immigrant families at the border. I do have friends with very generous, fully funded health care plans but they work for Amazon, Facebook, Microsoft, and Wonkette (individually, not all at once). That's a relatively small percentage of the country. So are the folks with sweet union plans Joe Biden vows to protect. But Medicare For All has great appeal for Americans who are stuck with plans they might as well have retrieved from a bubblegum machine (and also Wonkette). That's a bigger group than pundits and politicians want to admit.
She's got the centrists scared silly!
Elizabeth Warren is a frontrunner now in the Democratic primary, and this has a lot of foxes worried that a chick might wind up running the hen house. The "establishment" -- Democrats, Republicans, anyone with a morning talk show -- wants a return to the status quo, where the president was polite and no one complained about their student loan debt and medical-related bankruptcy. The "establishment" is convinced only Joe Biden can beat him. Warren, however, doesn't see the point of a primary if she doesn't try to win actually win it. This unorthodox campaign strategy has thrown Biden off his footing. He had a disappointing fundraising quarter, coming in behind Warren, Bernie Sanders, and Pete Buttigieg, and people are starting to worry.
"A lot of us are really concerned," another Democratic bundler said. "We think Biden is the strongest out of the lot, but he hasn't exactly shown that he can play the part yet."
They're desperate for a central casting president, aren't they? Biden just needs to learn his lines and commit to the part. But the show must go on and what it Biden can't perform? On "Morning Joe" the other day, Mika Brzezinski fretted over Biden's struggles. If he doesn't win, that leaves a "void" in the Democratic Party. Who can possibly beat Trump? Trump's approval rating is 42 percent. I was a liberal arts major but I'm still confident that's a minority of the electorate. People are acting like he's George Foreman before the Rumble in the Jungle.
BRZEZINSKI: I personally love Elizabeth Warren... I would potentially vote for her.
Your enthusiasm is overwhelming.
BRZEZINSKI: But you know what? The people who are really tired of Trump who are looking for an alternative, who would be very comfortable with Joe Biden, they're left without a candidate if Joe Biden can't make it through.
No, these people aren't "left without a candidate." There are enough Democrats running that every voter could have their own personally engraved candidate. OK, fine, I guess fragile white men need a Biden backup. Howard Schultz dropped out, but there's no dearth of rich white guys who think they know everything and can run the country. What's former New York mayor Mike Bloomberg up to these days? Bloomberg said in March he wasn't going to run, but that was before Biden launched his campaign. Uncle Joe was at his peak electability.
WE GOT US A FRONTRUNNER!
Elizabeth Warren can't win. That's what the dude punditry kept telling us even before she officially launched her presidential campaign. She's too left -- and who wants that in a left-of-center political party? She shares the same chromosomal makeup as Hillary Clinton. Donald Trump would destroy her with his politically savvy racial epithets.
We're still a few months away from actual voting, but today marks an important shift in the Democratic primary, one that perhaps will finally bury all this tired "conventional wisdom." According to Real Clear Politics' national polling average, Warren enjoys 26.6 percent average support. Joe Biden -- Mr. Electability himself -- comes in second with an average support of 26.4 percent. Yeah, baby, Planmaster Liz is our new Democratic frontrunner!
LOL, they totally are.
If you build it, they will come. Whether it's a baseball diamond or a case for impeaching the president of the United States, if you put in the work, the people will come around. Well, not the 35 percent of the country that falls into Trump's basket of diehard deplorables -- your drunken uncles are gone and they're never coming back. But our fellow citizens who aren't irredeemably brainwashed by Rupert Murdoch are slowly but surely coming to their senses.
In fact, a full 58 percent of them support the impeachment investigation according to a Washington Post-Schar School poll released yesterday. That's a full 20 percent swing over the summer, including among Republicans, whose opposition decreased from 59 percent in July to 38 percent last week. Here, have a look at the ugliest chart in the world.
Bigfoot was also interviewed and is still pro-Trump.
As the House moves forward with an impeachment inquiry of Donald Trump, pundits and "experts" have pointed out the many risks for Democrats. Peter Trubowitz, professor of international relations at the London School of Economics, reminded us that Republicans "in 1998 lost the House after impeaching Bill Clinton." That depends on how you define the word "after." Republicans lost some seats but kept the House and gained the presidency in 2000. They didn't lose the House until 2006. A similar outcome for Democrats isn't a "risk," it's a boon.
Now deleted tweetTwitter
The New York Times took the impeachment question to the public. It interviewed two dozen voters across the country -- roughly the turnout for a special election. Times reporters found them "elated and wary, unsure and already exhausted." Before Trump, they were inspired. Now they're sad and tired. The article itself is like a 1970s sci-fi film set in the future: There are no black people present. The Republicans they spoke with have stuck with Trump through Russia, Stormy, and "Access Hollywood." They even forgave his brief career as a rap artist. They were generally "unmoved by the possibility that Mr. Trump committed impeachable crimes."
DO NOT CONGRATULATE.
Guys, we think maybe Donald Trump is not very popular with people who are American. We know, we know, he had the hugest
number of free tickets available at the last minute to his inauguration, and he was elected by a solid minority of Americans in Buttfuck, Alabama, whose votes count more than those who live in cities, because reasons.
But he's never had an approval rating of 50 percent, and if the polls this week are any indication, he might have to stick with being impressed with himself when he manages to hit 40 percent.
Shall we look at some polling pornography, or as we like to call it, poll porn? We shall.
First, let's check in with President Reality-Knower:
PRAISE THE LORD.
We are breathing a sigh of relief, unless something really sucky happens before midnight tonight.
You see, tonight is the last night for candidates to qualify for the next Democratic debate, to be held in Houston on September 12. And as of this moment right now, only 10 candidates have qualified, which means that as per the rules, the debate will be One Night Only, Thank Loving Jesus In Heaven. Those candidates are: Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, Cory Booker, Amy Klobuchar, Andrew Yang, Julián Castro and Beto O'Rourke.
AND NOBODY ELSE. Goodbye, everyone else!
Because, you see, if 11 candidates qualify, then ABC is going to turn the damn thing into another two-nighter from hell, and you know what ain't nobody got time for on the night after September 12, which is a FRIDAY NIGHT, when we personally already have plans for our big yearly neighborhood festival? That's right, A FUCKING STUPID DEBATE.
The two candidates who still had a shot (and still technically do, we guess, if they can before midnight come up with a total of four qualifying polls where they get two percent support) were Tulsi Gabbard and Tom Steyer. Both have hit the donor threshold (130,000 unique money-givers), but Steyer needs one more qualifying poll, and Tulsi Gabbard (yes, crazy-ass Tulsi Gabbard) needs two.
Politico has some details on what these candidates are lacking, besides viability and any other redeeming quality that would make us want to give up our Friday night so that we can help nurture their pipe dreams of one day being president:
The last five polls, which have all been conducted among Democratic voters nationally, show Steyer at 1 percent or not registering at all.
That includes two new, deadline-eve polls out on Wednesday morning, from Suffolk University/USA Today and Quinnipiac University — both of which showed Steyer at 0 percent. Of the other DNC-approved pollsters, none has publicly said it would release a qualifying poll prior to the 11:59 p.m. deadline Wednesday night. [...]
Rep. Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii has also met the donor threshold, according to her campaign, but only earned 2 percent in two qualifying polls.
And OH, the humanity, and OH the whining about the DNC's rules, which, while obviously not perfect, all candidates knew going in. Gabbard released a statement on August 23 about how the DNC is #RIGGED, quoting Michael Tracey (yes, crazy-ass Michael Tracey), who has written much about how the DNC is #RIGGED. We are sure Tom Steyer is also whining somewhere, but we don't feel like Googling it.
The point is, unless something happens by midnight, we have escaped Two Nights Of Hell, at least until the October debate, which has the same qualifications as this one, and which could theoretically open the debate field back up beyond 10 candidates.
WONKETTE CALL TO ACTION: WHATEVER DARK GODS YOU BELIEVE IN, PRAY AT THEM WITHOUT CEASING BETWEEN NOW AND MIDNIGHT THAT NOTHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN FOR TULSI GABBARD OR TOM STEYER TONIGHT BESIDES PERHAPS HAVING A GOOD DINNER AND MAYBE WATCHING THEIR FAVORITE SHOW ON NETFLIX. JUST NOTHING GOOD RELATED TO DEBATES. PRAY THEY HAVE A NICE WALK AFTER DINNER WITH THEIR DOGS!
LOOK, TULSI GABBARD LIKES DOGS!
In summary and in conclusion, that is a very good dog and we are not coming in on Friday night to cover a goddamned debate so don't even try, TOM AND TULSI, IF THAT IS EVEN YOUR REAL NAME.
The end. And OPEN THREAD.
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