2020 presidential election
Obama Finishes Up By Making Fun Of Crowd Sizes ... At Trump's Childhood Birthday Parties
LET'S GET UNCLE JOE BIDEN ELECTED PRESIDENT OF US AMERICA!
November 03, 2020 09:28 AM
It's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here, it's here!
Did you wake up this morning with that special feeling in your stomach, like you know that either Santa is coming today or possibly the apocalypse? Us too. But we actually feel pretty good, and are taking Wonkette's own advice to not wet the bed about it.
In Miami yesterday, Barack Obama closed out his Month Of Mocking Donald Trump Ferociously (and also campaigning for Joe Biden) by making fun of the fact that STILL, on Election Day in the year 2020, Trump is fixated on his tiny inauguration crowd size in 2017. Still!
Enjoy:
<div id="f8705" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e9a4fbbd971a58e8f24fadb313814a63"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet twitter-custom-tweet" data-twitter-tweet-id="1322681052763049984" data-partner="rebelmouse"><div style="margin:1em 0">‘Does he have nothing better to worry about? Did no one come to his birthday party when he was a kid?’ — Obama took… https://t.co/1O4yYw1SIo</div> — NowThis (@NowThis)<a href="https://twitter.com/nowthisnews/statuses/1322681052763049984">1604186711.0</a></blockquote></div><blockquote><strong>OBAMA: </strong>What is his obsession with crowd size? [...] He's still worried about his inauguration crowd being smaller than mine! It really bugs him! He's still talking about that! <span style="background-color: initial;">Does he have nothing better to worry about? Did no one come to his </span><span style="background-color: initial;">birthday party</span> when he was a kid? Was he traumatized? What's with <em>crowds</em>?</blockquote><p>Obama added: <br></p><blockquote>I've had crowds before. Had quite a few. </blockquote><p>He was just saying. </p><p>It's funny because we're pretty sure children like Donald Trump aren't allowed to have friends or birthday parties or to ever feel like they were loved by other children or their own father. </p><p>Oh well, hopefully if America finishes the job today, we won't have to pretend we care about what series of unfortunate psychological traumas came together to make Donald Trump the broken assclown of a person he is today.</p><p>Instead of talking about the rest of Obama's closing speech, we thought this would be a good time to tell y'all a bit about what we think you can expect from election results tonight, and how things are going to go here at Ye Olde Wonkette. </p><p>Because <em>yes</em>, we will be getting election results, early ones, a lot of them, even with all these mail/absentee/pandemic votes. </p><p>The first polls close at <strong>7 p.m. Eastern time</strong>, which is "time" in other time zones. Georgia, the Eastern time zone parts of Florida (which is most of it), South Carolina. Some others. </p><p>The <em>New York Times</em> notes in <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/03/upshot/election-night-guide.html" target="_blank">this handy guide right here</a> that Florida counts fucking fast, and it has already BEEN counting its early and mail votes, for weeks. Once it starts reporting results, we should learn things about how Florida is going <em>pretty </em>quickly. The rest of Florida's polls, in the Trumpy panhandle, close at 8 p.m. Eastern</p><p>Georgia has also already started counting the mail-in/early vote. However, as the <em>Times</em> notes, Georgia is fucking slow. So.</p><p>At <strong>7:30 p.m.</strong> the biggies are Ohio and North Carolina, both of which are also pretty fast like a common Florida, and have also already been counting their mail/early vote. We will know things about Ohio and North Carolina tonight. </p><p>At <strong>8 p.m.</strong> big states up north like Pennsylvania and Michigan close. So does Texas in the south.</p><p>Pennsylvania is going to take fucking forever, they're only just starting to process mail/early votes today, and yeah, just ugh.</p><p>That said, Texas is a fast-counting state, the early/mail ballots will be reported very quickly, and we will just see if this is the year Texas decides to fuck Republicans the fuck up. We feel pretty good about it, actually, but we don't want to type any more words about it right now because we don't want to jinx it. </p><p>At <strong>9 p.m.</strong> we get Arizona, Wisconsin, Minnesota, except we don't quite get Arizona then, not really. "This one will be frustrating," the <em>Times</em> explains. "First, Arizona can't even report its results for a whole additional hour, so don't even bother to check for the initial results." Which would bring us to 10 p.m. </p><p>The <em>Times</em> says Wisconsin may be "less frustrating" and that Minnesota's reporting will be "reasonable." </p><p>And so on and so forth, with Iowa and Nevada at <strong>10 p.m.</strong>, etc. etc. etc.</p><p><span></span>Anyway, we just wanted to give you an idea of what to expect for the first couple hours of the night. Point is, we are going to get results in short order that, when read correctly, will tell us something about how this night is going. </p><p>If you want to read through all the different states and their times and their rules, bookmark the <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/03/upshot/election-night-guide.html" target="_blank">guide</a> from the <em>Times</em> that we've been linking to, and also <a href="https://www.npr.org/2020/11/03/929740947/election-night-viewers-guide-why-you-may-need-to-be-patient" target="_blank">this one</a> and <a href="https://www.npr.org/2020/10/31/929628299/with-deluge-of-mail-ballots-heres-when-to-expect-election-results-in-6-key-state" target="_blank">this one</a> from NPR. </p><p>And of course Wonkette will be here with live coverage, analysis and dick jokes starting just before the first polls close, let's say <strong>6:40 p.m. Eastern.</strong> </p><p>Bring booze, bring money to throw at Wonkette's faces as a thank you for liveblogging and also keeping you alive these past four years, and did we already say bring booze? You should bring booze. Thank you we love you.</p><p>There are zero (0) days left until Election Day. Let's make like a common Obama and go fuck that guy up. WITH VOTES.</p><p><strong>Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter <a href="http://twitter.com/evanhurst" target="_blank">RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!</a></strong></p><p><strong>GIVE IT WONKETTE. We mean money. Thank you.</strong></p><p><span style="background-color: initial;"></span></p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/33mKzZe" target="_blank">Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons</a>.</p><p></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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News
How To Lose A Guy In Just One, Important Day! Tabs, Tues., Nov. 3, 2020
Behold the sexiest Tabs ever!
November 03, 2020 08:00 AM
It’s Election Day and Americans across the country are voting, no matter how much it inconveniences Republicans. (Buzzfeed News)
Black Georgia voters are turning out for this election in record numbers. Read the following, cry, and then come back for more Tabs. (NBC News)
Norman Williams hadn't voted in 52 years.
But the 75-year-old retired Atlanta resident cast his first ballot since 1968 earlier this month for Joe Biden for one simple reason: His intense desire to see President Donald Trump kicked out of office.
"It's everything about him. He's a narcissist, he's a liar, he's a racist, he's proven he doesn't know what he's doing," Williams said.
"I had not thought about voting for years, because I always felt my one vote wasn't going to mean nothing," he added. "But it's too important now to not do it.”
The 2020 election is estimated to boast the highest voter participation since 1908. Let’s send that bastard packing. (NPR)
However, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place if you sexist asshats had listened to the Email Lady. (New York Times)
<p>Uncle Joe gets his Eminem on.</p>
<div id="879b5" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="4f2975b303b4e633d832ac249a38621d"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet twitter-custom-tweet" data-twitter-tweet-id="1323320216038776832" data-partner="rebelmouse"><div style="margin:1em 0">We have one shot. One opportunity. One moment.
Don’t miss the chance — vote. https://t.co/6khzdLyIjL</div> — Joe Biden (@Joe Biden)<a href="https://twitter.com/JoeBiden/statuses/1323320216038776832">1604339100.0</a></blockquote></div>
<p>Much like the Civil War, this election has pitted brother against brother who doesn’t support a racist. Pity. <a href="https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-election-trump-families/you-are-no-longer-my-mother-a-divided-america-will-struggle-to-heal-after-trump-era-idUSKBN27I16E" target="_blank">(Reuters)</a></p><p>Owners of Los Angeles sporting teams donated $642,200 to Joe Biden and a whopping $7,971 to Donald Trump. <a href="https://www.latimes.com/sports/story/2020-11-02/sports-team-owners-contributions-2020-election-trump-biden" target="_blank">(Los Angeles Times)</a></p><p>Two disruptive poll challengers in Detroit were removed this weekend. One reportedly wore a Jason Voorhees-style mask, called the whole process “crooked,” and said racist crap. The other guy was probably worse. Michigan Secretary of State and self-described marathoner Jocelyn Benson promises that any and all "voter intimidation will be charged ... to the fullest extent of the law.” <a href="https://www.freep.com/story/news/politics/elections/2020/11/02/poll-challengers-removed-detroit-ballot-processing-begins/6122976002/" target="_blank">(Detroit Free-Press)</a></p><p>The average coronavirus case count in Oregon surpassed 500 for the first time. Sigh. We're never leaving the house. <a href="https://www.oregonlive.com/coronavirus/2020/11/coronavirus-in-oregon-average-case-count-surpasses-500-for-1st-time-as-state-reports-557-cases-1-new-death.html?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=oregonian_sf&utm_source=twitter" target="_blank">(The Oregonian)</a></p><p><a href="https://www.oregonlive.com/coronavirus/2020/11/coronavirus-in-oregon-average-case-count-surpasses-500-for-1st-time-as-state-reports-557-cases-1-new-death.html?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=oregonian_sf&utm_source=twitter" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"></a>Also, in Lake Oswego, Oregon, someone left a severed deer head near a Biden/Harris campaign sign and a Black Lives Matter sign. Another severed dear head was found next to a Black Lives Matter sign on someone’s front lawn. <a href="https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2020/10/2-decapitated-deer-heads-left-near-black-lives-matter-and-bidenharris-signs-in-lake-oswego-police-say.html?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=oregonian_sf" target="_blank">(The Oregonian)</a></p><p>Some Idaho residents have just plain given up on containing the coronavirus.</p><blockquote>"I think we just open up and we just let it take its course," said Nancy Hillberg, 68, as church members mingled after the service. "Just let it be done.”</blockquote><p>That’s not American exceptionalism in action. That’s Trump’s blasé approach to the virus, which is also contagious and deadly. <a href="https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/as-the-virus-rages-some-are-convinced-its-too-late-to-stop-it/?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=owned_echobox_tw_m&utm_source=Twitter#Echobox=1604339196" target="_blank">(Seattle Times)</a></p><p>The Kentucky State Police training program quoted Hitler (<em>Adolf</em> Hitler) and famous racist loser Robert E. Lee. They are likely to invoke <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Td67kYY9mdQ" target="_blank">George Costanza: </a>“Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?” <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/11/02/kentucky-state-police-hitler-slideshow/?utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=wp_main&utm_medium=social" target="_blank">(Washington Post)</a></p><p>New York police were oh-so-supportive of the Trump cultists blocking traffic on bridges and generally behaving like assholes this weekend. They predictably put the smack down on counter protesters and two photographers, who the NYPD claimed weren’t “credentialed” members of the press. Yeah, that’s not how the First Amendment works. <a href="https://gothamist.com/news/photos-police-stand-caravan-trump-supporters-block-bridges-threaten-counter-protesters" target="_blank">(Gothamist)</a></p><p>On election night 2016, most of us expected a bad joke to end, but instead a nightmare began. Stephen Colbert’s escalating shock and horror during his live election night special was compelling, yet tragic, television. Don’t make him (and us) go through that again. <a href="https://variety.com/2020/tv/columns/stephen-colbert-election-night-special-2016-2020-1234821833/" target="_blank">(Variety)</a></p><p>Now go vote!</p>
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<p><br></p><p><em><em>Follow Stephen Robinson on </em><em><a href="https://twitter.com/SER1897" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Twitter.</a></em></em></p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/33mKzZe" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons</a>.</p><p><strong>Yr Wonkette is 100 percent ad free and supported entirely by reader donations. Please click the clickie, if you are able!</strong></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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Stolen Elections
Hannity Poll Guy Has Most Perfect Polls, Will Scream VOTER FRAUD! Just In Case He's Wrong
Conservatives are more willing to believe in systemic voter fraud than systemic racism.
November 02, 2020 03:45 PM
The Trafalgar Group has consistently served as a rare source of good polling news for Donald Trump. Even when Rasmussen shows Joe Biden curb stomping Trump, Trafalgar is there for him with polls that seem to just really accurately reflect the voting preferences of the most racist members of a 1950s Alabama subdivision.
Trafalgar's chief pollster is Robert Cahaly, who the Wall Street Journal credits with correctly predicting the 2016 election's gruesome outcome. That doesn't make him Nostradamus. Nate Silver at FiveThirtyEight gave Trump a 28.6 percent chance of winning the Electoral College in 2016, which is a lot unless you're someone who'd buy a used car that had a 28.6 percent chance of exploding whenever you started the ignition.
Dave Wasserman at Cook Political Report also saw warning signs for Hillary Clinton at the congressional district level in 2016. He sees the opposite trend now — Trump is underperforming his 2016 margins in district-level polling. That's a problem when he carried Pennsylvania, for instance, by less than a percentage point. If he's stumbling in Trump country, where is he going to make up the difference? The coveted Lil Wayne endorsement holds lil weight in Scranton.
<p>Cahaly appeared on an extra-special weekend edition of Sean Hannity's show, his bowtie securely fastened and his beard trimmed to Kentucky colonel standards. He stood by his <a href="https://www.thetrafalgargroup.org/news/pa-pres-102520/" target="_blank">prediction</a> that Trump will win Pennsylvania. He's less confident, however, that the president can overcome Sleepy Joe's massive voter fraud operation.</p><div id="b44fb" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b987b5812925c40eb05b2f4afdbe384f"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet twitter-custom-tweet" data-twitter-tweet-id="1323087162938720256" data-partner="rebelmouse"><div style="margin:1em 0">there are no credible accusations of mass voter fraud.
trafalgar's chief pollster just told hannity that trump wil… https://t.co/jmAv28jppV</div> — John Whitehouse (@John Whitehouse)<a href="https://twitter.com/existentialfish/statuses/1323087162938720256">1604283536.0</a></blockquote></div><blockquote><strong>CAHALY: </strong>The way I look at Pennsylvania is unfortunately, I think [Trump's] four or five to overtake the voter fraud that'll happen there. </blockquote><p>Apparently, Biden's combination Vote Fraud Manipulator/Weather Dominator maxes out at five points.</p><blockquote><strong>CAHALY: </strong>It's very systematic in Pennsylvania.</blockquote><p>There's <a href="https://www.snopes.com/news/2020/09/25/pennsylvania-military-ballots/" target="_blank">no evidence</a> of voter fraud in Pennsylvania. Your Republican Nana's being <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CubNruSEM8Q" target="_blank">fed lies. </a></p><blockquote><strong>CAHALY: </strong>I think it's achievable to get to four or five, but I think that's the margin he needs to have in Pennsylvania to survive ...</blockquote><p>It's unclear if Cahaly believes Trump actually had a five-point winning margin in 2016, which Democratic <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2016_United_States_presidential_election_in_Pennsylvania" target="_blank">voter fraud reduced to 0.72 percent.</a> If so, that's pretty half-assed fraud. The Democratic machine couldn't bother to throw out an extra 44,292 votes? No wonder the <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/donald-trump-horrified-by-2009-h1n1-pandemic-tells-covid-19-hold-my-diet-coke" target="_blank">Obama administration bungled</a> the swine flu pandemic no one remembers.</p><p>There's no way Trump is going to carry Pennsylvania by five points. He's barely averaging a five-point lead in <em><a href="https://www.realclearpolitics.com/epolls/2020/president/sc/south_carolina_trump_vs_biden-6825.html" target="_blank">South Carolina.</a> </em>But sure, dude, whatever.</p><blockquote><strong>HANNITY: </strong>You're issuing a prediction that ... saying he will win but they'll steal it? Is that what you'll predicting.</blockquote><p>Even Hannity struggled not to laugh.</p><blockquote><strong>CAHALY: </strong>I'm saying he better win by four or five percent to make sure he actually gets the victory. That's the margin he needs to avoid what they will systematically do. </blockquote><p>Who the fuck is “they"? I swear this shit wasn't on primetime television when I was growing up. Goofballs in tinfoil hats — who still smartly avoided bow ties — might rant to a call-in radio talk show while we all laughed, but they didn't spread baseless conspiracy theories to millions of radicalized old white people, which includes the president of the United States.</p><p>Hannity tried to reassure Cahaly that <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/trump-so-sad-random-goons-not-allowed-to-intimidate-voters" target="_blank">friendly neighborhood poll watchers</a> would keep everything legit.</p><blockquote><strong>HANNITY:</strong> There are poll watchers everywhere. They are lawyers on the ground. Both sides have them.</blockquote><p>Yes, Trump's team will try to toss out ballots and Biden's team will remind courts that the Constitution exists. </p><p>Hannity asked Cahaly how he thought Trump was doing in other swing states, such as Wisconsin, Michigan, and Minnesota. (The last one is not a swing state.)</p><blockquote><strong>CAHALY:</strong> We have him up in Michigan. We had him a little bit down in Wisconsin.</blockquote><p>Biden is up <a href="https://projects.fivethirtyeight.com/polls/president-general/wisconsin/" target="_blank">by an average</a> of 8.2 points in Wisconsin. Cahaly promised that Trafalgar would have another BS Wisconsin poll out before the election.</p><blockquote><strong>CAHALY: </strong>In Minnesota, we have him a little bit down but we still have Kanye getting 3.3 percent of the vote. When you run it without Kanye, [Trump's] winning.</blockquote><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image">
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</p><p>OK, Kanye West isn't winning 3.3 percent of any vote at any time anywhere. However, if this were true, then Jared Kushner's reported <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/jared-kushner-is-going-to-hell" target="_blank">abuse of West's fragile mental health</a> would've backfired and cost Trump Minnesota's 10 electoral votes. That's about the level of competence we've come to expect from Kushner's evil. </p><p>Cahaly <a href="https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/fake-polls-are-a-real-problem/" target="_blank">has whined</a> that he's not accepted as a legitimate pollster, but now he's willing to make baseless accusations of systemic voter fraud to justify his crap polls. That's more than just scuzzy. It further destabilizes our democracy.</p><p><em><em>Follow Stephen Robinson on </em><em><a href="https://twitter.com/SER1897" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Twitter.</a></em></em></p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/33mKzZe" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons</a>.</p><p><strong>Yr Wonkette is 100 percent ad free and supported entirely by reader donations. Please click the clickie, if you are able!</strong></p><p></p><form name="donation" method="post" class="donation-form"><p class="subheadline">How often would you like to donate?</p><div class="form-row row--plan"><label class="plan-type__label"><input type="radio" name="plan_type" value="once" class="plan-type" required="" checked> Just once
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Right Wing Extremism
Oath Keeper Stewart Rhodes Standing By To Defend Donald Trump From Democracy
Stay safe next Tuesday.
October 29, 2020 08:39 AM
Both SER and Dok accidentally wrote about this last night, so we smashed both posts together and think it still makes sense.
Donald Trump has desperately tried to sow distrust in the results of his scheduled ass-whooping next Tuesday. Like the emotionally damaged spoiled child he is, Trump contends that the only “fair" election is one he wins, and he's convinced that any election he loses is “rigged" against him.
During the first presidential debate, when he advised white supremacists to “stand back and stand by," President Klan Robe also “urged" his droogs to "go into the polls and watch very carefully" for any suspicious activity, presumably (Black) people voting against him. This is the exact sort of voter intimidation that served as the “happy ending" of Birth of a Nation, which plays endlessly in the abandoned movie theater inside Trump's head.
Stewart Rhodes is one of far too many loons out there who are “standing by" on Election Day. Rhodes is a member of the Oath Keepers, one of those violent rightwing groups that Trump knows nothing about despite technically being president. The Oath Keepers are cops — both former and present — and military veterans who snapped after Barack Obama was elected. (They also wanted to hang John McCain for treason, so neither 2008 presidential candidate would've pleased them.)
<p>
The Oath Keepers, like most unstable psychopaths, are big Trump fans. Rhodes appeared on "The Alex Jones Show" Tuesday and explained how his fellow thugs would protect the nation from a Joe Biden victory next week, which can only happen if the election's stolen from Trump. Wonder who put that idea in his head?</p><div class="rm-embed embed-media"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="" height="360" scrolling="no" src="https://www.mediamatters.org/media/3909141/embed/embed" width="480"></iframe></div><p>Jones himself argued that Democratic leaders plan to “punish" conservatives and make mass arrests of Republican leadership.<br></p><blockquote>
<strong>JONES: </strong>They're planning an authoritarian takeover if Biden's able to get in or they're able to assassinate President Trump.
</blockquote><p>According to <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/cannibal-ass-eater-alex-jones-spreading-more-sick-covid-19-conspiracy-lies" target="_blank">our research, Jones </a>is always this unhinged. He asked Rhodes what would happen if — God forbid — Biden won.</p><blockquote><strong>RHODES: </strong>A good third of this country will not recognize [Biden] as being legitimate, and I'm one of them.</blockquote><p>It's 1860 all over again! When Abraham Lincoln won a free and fair election, South Carolina declared this "a hostile act." It turns out people evil enough to own other people aren't big on democracy.</p><p>Jones <a href="https://www.mediamatters.org/media/3909121" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">insisted </a>that China, Hollywood, and Big Tech are all plotting together in a "globalist Chi-Com" plan to destroy America, which prompted Rhodes to call on Trump to "declassify all the secrets" prior to the election, to expose everything that China has on its American dupes, who apparently include all the Democrats, and every member of the Deep State. Then the Oath Keepers would know who to "go and put it to them, and take them into custody and do what we have to do."</p><p>Haha, remember when the Oath Keepers <a href="https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2010/02/oath-keepers/" target="_blank">used to</a> worry Barack Obama would declare martial law and put "patriots" in concentration camps? Not to worry: That would all be perfectly fine if Trump did it, because he's the good guy who loves America, the Constitution, and the rule of law, which is whatever Donald Trump — or Rhodes and his vigilantes — say it is. (Rhodes didn't say this, but we're sure he'd agree that it would be much more efficient to get rid of "due process," which just protects people who need to be strung up for their crimes against the US Constitution.)</p><p><span></span>Rhodes went on to praise Project Veritas for the “awesome work" it does exposing “all the fraud" Democrats commit. Project Veritas is itself a <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/james-okeefe-did-a-misleading-video-claiming-voter-fraud-thats-not-very-veritas-at-all" target="_blank">fraud.</a> </p><blockquote><strong>RHODES:</strong> When you're trying to attack a country and destroy it from within, you make sure everyone questions the legitimacy of their government. In a way they win when it's us not trusting the results. Either way, you wind up with a destabilized country.</blockquote><p>This all seems like what Trump has done for four years, but Rhodes argued that we're the ones gaslighting Trump supporters whenever we recall true events. He claimed for instance that Trump supporters are being intimidated and harassed for wearing Trump T-shirts (made in China) and that his goons have no choice but to “defend their rights."</p><blockquote>
<strong>RHODES: </strong>They're gonna be stealing the election while accusing Trump and his followers of stealing it. They'll be out there coercing and threatening people while accusing us of doing it.
</blockquote><p>Rhodes told the <a href="https://www.latimes.com/world-nation/story/2020-10-10/what-happens-if-armed-right-wing-groups-polls" target="_blank">Los Angeles Times</a> that his goons will patrol voting sites “undercover" and are prepared to draw arms if necessary to “protect people who are voting." This seems the opposite of legit.<br></p><div class="rm-embed embed-media"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="" height="360" scrolling="no" src="https://www.mediamatters.org/media/3909131/embed/embed" width="480"></iframe></div><p>Jones insists that Trump is going to win, polls be damned, but we'll just claim he “lost" because of “all of the fraud" or, you know, Biden winning more votes — and not just nationwide, like those suckers Al Gore and Hillary Clinton. We were worried that a narrow Biden victory would prove contentious, but it looks like the tinfoil hat set will also point to an overwhelming Biden rout as proof of a Deep State coup. There's no other way to explain Trump losing once-reliably red states such as Arizona, Georgia, or even Texas — aside from more people voting for Biden, which is what the Deep State wants you to believe.</p><blockquote><strong>JONES:</strong> [Trump's] gonna be driven from power by these <strong>armies of meth heads</strong> they've already got cranked up and ready to go in DC.</blockquote><p>Yeah, there's no way the United States military could possibly protect the president from this highly trained team of homeless junkies. </p><blockquote><strong>RHODES: </strong>We're concerned about a Benghazi-style attack. That's why Oath Keepers will be posted outside of DC. We have some <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_wRPC02xnw" target="_blank">of our best men</a> working on the plan right now. We'll make sure we're in range because I don't trust the Pentagon. I don't trust the brass. I don't trust even the secretary of Defense to stand behind the president. And don't be surprised if you get the same kind of “stand down" order like you saw in Benghazi. </blockquote><p>Rhodes couldn't say where or how many imaginary militia guys would protect Donald Trump, because operational security, but he's determined that we'll never see "the antifa flag or communist flag flying over the White House."</p><p>Well finally, a prediction we think is accurate.</p><p>Jones, perhaps worried that none of this sounded implausible enough, then explained that the violent leftists everywhere are just "decoys" for the <em>real </em>enemies, the "international multinational mercenary groups that literally could drive in armored dump trucks with explosives and roll one in there and blow up the White House. I mean, that, that — this is real."</p><p>Rhodes agreed that "a lot of jihadists who are well-trained and experienced in warfare" and "PLA advisors" would surely be part of any such attack, because isn't radical Islam allied with the Chinese People's Liberation Army to bring about anarchy?</p><p>The Gathering of the Fifteen Brain Cells agreed all of this is very worrisome, and that what's more we need to round up all the leftists on the West Coast who are conspiring with China, because isn't that what the Founders did, round up and exterminate the enemy within?</p><blockquote>You got to defeat them in warfare, and then you got to figure out, it's kind of like with the Founding Fathers dealing with the loyalists, what do you do with these people?</blockquote><p>Oh hooray! Those of us who survive the lynchings will be <a href="https://www.npr.org/2015/07/03/419824333/what-happened-to-british-loyalists-after-the-revolutionary-war" target="_blank">deported to Canada</a>, I guess, where we can watch the Republic of Gilead be born from a safe distance.</p><p><span></span>Jones and Rhodes, of course, are both master grifters, making money off gullible idiots who buy Jones's trucker speed or send Rhodes money to make sure he can keep America safe. But they're far from harmless; while they keep the money rolling in, plenty of deranged idiots with guns believe them, and a few start <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/pretend-ohio-governor-who-sought-to-kidnap-real-ohio-governor-has-ties-to-republican-legislators" target="_self">deciding</a> it's time to <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/boogaloo-boi-facing-charges-for-shooting-up-minneapolis-police-precinct" target="_self">take the fight</a> to whichever <a href="https://www.wonkette.com/donald-trump-gets-his-stochastic-terrorism-on-at-lansing-michigan-rally" target="_self">liberal enemy</a> they think needs to be put down.</p><p><span></span>In a functioning society, men this paranoid and disconnected from reality would not be permitted to own firearms. Rhodes and the Oath Keepers are a ticking time bomb, and we can't trust that a defeated Donald Trump won't set it off.</p><p><a href="https://amzn.to/33mKzZe" target="_blank">Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons</a>.<br></p><p>
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