Portland Put On That Party Dress!

Portland, Oregon, put on your fancy frocks fashioned of only the finest Birkenstock vegan leather, and smear cruelty-free lipstick all over your pretty face, we are coming to barbecue meats and tofus at you, next Monday, May 8, at Mt. Tabor Park!

(Bring your own tofus.)

We shall meet at Picnic Area A at Mt. Tabor Park, because that is the only area we can readily make out on this verkakte map. We shall eat and drink and play "Throw the Baby" from let us call it 5 to 8 p.m.

"Editrix, why are you going to Portland instead of coming to visit me in Amundsen-Scott, South Pole," you are probably asking right about now, funk soul brothers. Well, we will get to the South Pole EVENTUALLY, and if you are on the way from northwest Montana to Portland, you can put in a request for us to come visit you personal, because we are the greatest, most reader-oriented of all the for-profit, ad-free, people-funded, neoliberal shill liberal news sites and recipe hubs. Josh Marshall does not pull his sailboat into your driveway in Louisville, Kentucky. Matt Yglesias does not wheel his ATV into wherever people drive ATV's. (He also probably does not have an ATV.)

Also, this time we just feel like going to Portland, because it is full of such good wonkers they seize the means of drinky-thing production and throw them themselves!

Until we get to Your House, USA, have a picture of a baby in a hat.

And another

You probably really should just buy a hat.

Ok, see you next Monday, Portland pals!

(To recap: Mon., May 8, 5-8 p.m. at Picnic Area A at Mt. Tabor Park. We will bring meats for barbecuing! You could bring a treat to share! Like MAYBE JUST SPITBALLING a tomato bruschetta from your garden that will knock my socks off! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.)

All other wonkers, COMMENCE TO CRYIN'! In this, your OPEN THREAD!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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