Very journalism! Much great!
Hey, Democrats, knock that shit off! There is a place for members of Congress to hash out their differences, and it's called a closed-door caucus meeting. Donald Trump is locking babies in cages, and we have an election to win in fifteen months. So if we could stop hacking big chunks out of each other in public, that would be GREAAAAAAT!
We do not need Speaker Pelosi running to Maureen Dowd to air her thoughts on "The Squad" of headline-grabbing freshman congresswomen who have become the face of our party's progressive wing. We do not need to open Twitter and see that Rep. Ocasio-Cortez's chief of staff thinks other members of the caucus are racist. We do not need Congresswoman Ayanna Pressley wrapping up the latest "Dems in Disarray!!!!" story in a bow for the national press by giving a quote that's going to be yanked out of context to make it sound like she thinks her fellow African American representatives aren't black enough. And we sure as hell don't need to see blind items on Axios by "top Democrats" attacking AOC and Rep. Ilhan Omar by selectively leaking data points from a longer poll to somehow "prove" they're a drag on the party nationwide.
Beto is no Mitch McConnell.
Beto O'Rourke is not Mitch McConnell. You can tell by the lack of horns and cloven hooves. When it was revealed last week that McConnell's ancestors owned slaves, the Senate majority leader tried to blame Barack Obama for having made being descended from slave owners cool in the first place. However, O'Rourke has confronted his own shameful inheritance like an actual human being.
O'Rourke posted on Medium Sunday that his paternal great-great-great grandfather, Andrew Cowan Jasper, held two women, Rose and Eliza, in bondage. His maternal great-great-great grandfather, Frederick Williams, "most likely" owned slaved in the 1860s. O'Rourke's wife, Amy, also had a slave-owning ancestor, according to personal records, and another one who served in the Confederate army.
The point of the post wasn't just to "fess up" and move on. Unlike McConnell, who wonders why you keep bringing up "old shit," O'Rourke understands that the present is greatly informed by the past, and we can't truly move forward if we just ignore what's always behind us.
The fuck you say!!!1!
Donald Trump is a racist white supremacist piece of shit garbage human, and that is a thing that Axios and the New York Times and so many others in the media have a very hard time saying, we guess because of how true it is. Dunno.
If you paid attention to the news this weekend, you might have seen that Trump spent his Sunday morning
worshiping Jesus Christ shit-tweeting racism at the so-called "squad" of newly elected congressional Democrats who seem to shake things up so very much all the time, and who have been particularly outspoken about Trump's evil policies from the very beginning, with a recent emphasis on his concentration camps at the border:
Oh wow, what a surprise that Donald Trump is a vicious racist. This is definitely an "escalation" from that time Trump started his campaign by coming down an escalator and calling Mexicans rapists. (No, really! Lots of news sites are saying that Trump's racism has "changed" and that this is an "escalation.")
The sister is dumb.
Candace Owens is the most embarrassing black woman alive. She's also desperate for attention. She saw an opportunity to scare up some this week when Rep. Ayanna Pressley snatched the wig off Kellyanne Conway and made her eat it.
Nothing sums up whatever it is Conway's paid to do better than "distraction." It's her entire job description. She distracts from serious inquiries about the Trump administration's latest foul deed with circuitious doublespeak and outright lies. Accusing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of having a "cat fight" with new women representatives is deliberating trading on sexist tropes to distract people from Trump's concentration camps. Pressley wasn't here for it. We love Pressley, but we actually like black people who are fierce and clever. Owens is neither. She called Pressley's tweet "ghetto, stupid and racist." When she reflexively dismisses black vernacular as "street talk," she sounds a lot like Laura Ingraham, who called LeBron James "barely intelligible." This is fitting because Owens likely fashions herself as a younger, dumber Ingraham.
Let's say one nice thing about Labor Secretary Alex Acosta as he packs up his office to GTFO of DC. At least the guy spared his wife and kids the humiliation of watching him walk around with an arrow through his head for another two weeks -- although he could have done it before painting a target on his back at that press conference yesterday, inviting every reporter in America to dig in and factcheck a mountain of, ummm, mischaracterizations about his prosecution of Jeffrey Epstein when Acosta was US Attorney for the Southern District of Florida in 2008. But eventually, he read the writing on the wall. Knowing that his hinky plea deal with pedophile Jeffrey Epstein was going to sink him, Acosta jumped before he could be pushed. SLOW FUCKING CLAP.
THE CONSTITUTION COVERS EVERYONE, JACKHOLES.
With mass arrests of immigrants apparently going forward this weekend, immigration rights groups are ramping up efforts to advise immigrant communities that they have legal rights and don't have to open the door to ICE unless the officers have a warrant from a judge. This really pisses off law-and-order types, because how can you have any order if people know their "rights" under the law? After all, "rights" are for people like national security advisers who weren't explicitly warned that lying to the FBI is a crime.
Now the wingnuts have another thing to freak out about, and it is a little thing called "Nancy Pelosi."
Thank you for your service, Senator.
White people are in general very confused about the concept of white privilege. You'd think the assorted racism concierges siccing cops on black people might clarify the issue for them. But no, broke-ass white people especially question the idea that they have any privilege compared to black people, for whom life is a bowl of cherries that a cop might mistake for a gun.
Kirsten Gillibrand, who we're told is running for president, was at a roundtable in Youngstown, Ohio, Thursday, and a woman asked the senator how Democrats can talk about white privilege when she, a real-live white woman, has her own struggles. This question is itself white privilege, but instead of holding up a mirror for the lady, Gillibrand listened patiently.
"This is an area that, across all demographics, has been depressed because of the loss of industry and the opioid crisis. What do you have to say to people in this area about so-called white privilege."
Just because you are at the top of the country's racial hierarchy doesn't mean you can't screw up your own life. White people can have both privilege and a talent for self-destruction. This woman mentions the opioid crisis, which itself demonstrates a stark difference in how drug addiction is treated politically based on race. Youngstown is 43.65 percent black, so she had ample opportunity to consult an actual black person about this. However, the nice white woman from New York delivered some truth bombs.
Last night in the Rose Garden, Donald Trump folded like a cheap suit paired with a longass, Chinese tie stuck down with scotch tape. Flanked by Bill Barr, President Dementia congratulated himself on his flawless victory at the Supreme Court where Chief Justice John Roberts said that Wilbur Ross was full of crap and stopped him from adding the citizenship question to the Census.
"Thank you, Mr. President," said the sycophantic attorney general. "And congratulations on today's executive order, which will ensure that we finally have an accurate understanding of how many citizens and non-citizens live in our country."
Having caved so hard that Mick Mulvaney found himself spelunking in his many chins, Trump no longer felt the need to pretend that the question had been added for any other reason than to rig the upcoming congressional redistricting process. No doubt Commerce Secretary Ross appreciates a formal announcement that he was lying to Congress about needing to know the immigration status of Census respondents to protect minority voters under the Voting Rights Act. It'll give House Democrats something to add to the criminal contempt citation they're voting on next week.
But back at the White House, Trump was happily barfing out nonsense.
Welcome back to a week ago, everybody!
Mark your calendars, the Constitutional crisis is scheduled for 5 p.m. ... PSYCH! ABC is now reporting that the Trump administration caved to reality and will acknowledge that their plan to add a citizenship question to the US Census is dead. So, either ABC is wrong and Trump and Attorney General Bill Barr will forge ahead and announce their Totally Legit Not At All Racist New Plan to defy the Supreme Court and ratfuck the Census this afternoon, or Trump will sign an Executive Order mandating that Wilbur Ross make a list of all those pesky illegals some other way. Spokesman Higglesford Giblets declined to comment on ABC's report, but said Trump "will do everything within his legal authority to determine and make public who is in the United States legally and who is not," according to Reuters, so at least we've got that whiff of fascism to look forward to. But are the Census cases finally, really dead? Or will they be resurrected like Dick Cheney to haunt us forever?
We believe this takes us back to exactly where we were a week ago. Happy Groundhog's Day, everybody!
After Chief Justice John Roberts held that Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross was patently full of crap when he testified that the citizenship question was added to the Census to ensure a complete count of minorities and comply with the Voting Rights Act, lawyers for the Justice Department conceded defeat and assured courts that the forms would be printed without it. But then ...
You knew these stories were coming. Now they're here.
In case anyone had any illusions that overcrowding and mistreatment of migrant kids in Border Patrol stations was purely a Texas thing, NBC News reported last night on terrible conditions -- including one accusation of sexual assault by a Border Patrol officer -- at the Border Patrol facility in Yuma, Arizona. The "significant incident reports" were filed by case managers with the US Department of Health and Human Services who interviewed children after they were transferred from Customs and Border Protection (CBP) for longer-term storage in HHS's also-overcrowded system of shelters.
There is no bottom for this guy.
It's hardly a shocking twist, but it turns out Mitch McConnell's ancestors owned slaves. The Senate majority leader was asked at a press conference if this sobering fact might cause him to reconsider his opposition to reparations. His response was perverse yet predictable.
MCCONNELL: I find myself once again in the same position as President [Barack] Obama. We both oppose reparations and we both are the descendants of slave owners.
McConnell has previously used Obama as his "Get Out Of Reparations Free" card. He's claimed that because "we" -- not him, personally, but lots of other people -- elected Obama, we're all good on slavery and segregation. The receipt for compensation for centuries of bondage and racial discrimination is a 2008 "Hope" poster, apparently.
James McConnell and Richard Daley, the turtle's great-great-grandfathers, "owned" at least 14 slaves -- 12 of whom were women (we don't want to get into that). It is appalling but not surprising that McConnell would compare himself to Obama, whose father was Kenyan and mother was white. Racists like to use the former president's unique background as a basis to stiff the descendants of slaves. However, most living black people have slave-owning DNA because slave owners raped a lot of black people. It wasn't that uncommon for them to create more "property" through rape.
Even before Attorney General Bill Barr reveals his super secret strategy to defy the Supreme Court and get the citizenship question onto the Census, his plans appear to have hit a snag. Yesterday, US District Judge Jesse Furman put the kibosh on Barr's motion to yank the Federal Programs lawyers who've been on the case this whole time and replace them with people who have recently been litigating consumer fraud and immigration suits. So the original lawyers -- and everything they promised the court -- are here to stay. In other words, the kids stay in the picture.
No one knows exactly why the Justice Department moved to withdraw the appearance of the very attorneys whose IRL job is to defend the government in suits like this. Maybe the Federal Programs lawyers refused to continue with whatever harebrained, Hail Mary scheme Barr cooked up to show Trump and Leonard Leo that he's giving his all to the party's efforts to ratfuck the Census. But just as likely, DOJ hopes to wipe the slate clean to roll out their new and improved Very Extremely Legal Good Faith Not At All Racist Rationale for including the citizenship question on the 2020 survey.
Sure he was funny-looking. But his funny THINKING was pretty amazing, too.
H. Ross Perot, the cranky Texas billionaire who ran for president twice and was taken somewhat seriously once, died today at the age of 89. His family announced his death, but didn't say what the cause was, so let's assume the Trilateral Commission finally got him. He had a fondness for conspiracy theories, and would have appreciated that. The main thing Yr Dok Zoom remembers about Perot is that long before Ron Paul became a national figure, Perot had an uncanny talent for sounding just right enough about some things -- for about ten minutes -- that when he unleashed the full-on nutso stuff, it came as that much more of a surprise.
BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY ARE.
ADoS: American Descendants of Slavery is a group founded by Yvette Carnell and Antonio Moore, and and their agenda ranges from reasonable demands to extreme assholery. A few of the main points: affirmative action solely for ADOS, the Voting Rights Act fixed, SBA loans, infrastructure, an end to mass incarceration, and money for HBCUs. So far, so good. Then they want limits on HB-1 Visas (Um? Hmmm), which matters A LOT to them, also direct cash payments, and most of all, separate categories for Black ADOS, and Black Immigrants. Which leads to Harris, as all roads do.
Here komes Kris Kobach's klown kar!
Welcome to Kansas's US Senate race, Chris ... errr, Kris Kobach! Godspeed, you crazy, immigrant-bashing dumpster fire. Your Wonkette has not lived a good enough life for this guy to throw another race to the Democrats. But if he wants to be a throbbing hemorrhoid in Mitch McConnell's ass, we're good with it!
Yesterday Kris Kobach made it official, declaring his candidacy to replace retiring Republican Senator Pat Roberts in 2020. His crack team kicked off the proceedings by misspelling his name on the FEC filing.
Why, yes, "false, erroneous, or incomplete information" on this form may subject the filer to civil penalties. But Kobach, who fought to purge voters for similar typos on their registration forms, shrugged it off, telling the Kansas City Star, "We had a whole bunch of people helping over the past week and I don't even know who was the person that transcribed it. It's not the first time Kris has been misspelled in my case with a CH rather than a K ... They quickly corrected their typo, I'm told."
Sure his losing 2018 gubernatorial campaign in a state where Republicans outnumber Democrats two-to-one was a shitshow with lackluster fundraising and pathetic GOTV, but this time is different. This time they "quickly corrected" the misspelling of the candidate's own name. So you know they're at the top of their game!
We watch the Sunday shows so you don't have to!
After Mother Nature pissed all over Trump's wannabe-dictator attempted hijacking of the Fourth of July, the Sunday shows got back to discussing the Trump-created humanitarian crisis at the southern border. Not the influx of asylum seekers fleeing from horrible conditions in Central America (made worse by Trump cutting off aid to them), but the way our country has decided to cage them in
concentration camps internment camps ... um ..."happy fun time summer camps"? After a visit by a congressional delegation and the Trump Administration's own DHS Office of Inspector General (OIG) report provided video/photographic/written evidence of the deplorable conditions occurring in our name, it was time for Trump officials to deal with the real culprits: Democrats!
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