Mohammad Bone Saw Strikes Again, And This Time Trump Is Helping!

Shit is COMPLICATED.

BONESAW WEEK WILL NEVER END! It's like Infrastructure Week, only stuff actually happens. And the stuff is all horrible! This morning, Saudi authorities indicted 11 suspects in the October killing of Jamal Khashoggi, announcing their intention to execute five of them. Despite copious evidence that the killing in the Turkish consulate was ordered by Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, lackeys are going to take the fall -- with their heads. And the US Treasury Department dutifully responded by imposing sanctions on 17 Saudis "involved in the abhorrent killing" of a legal US resident who was in the process of applying for citizenship. So, we're good now, yes? We can go back to selling them murder machines to kill Yemeni civilians?

And then SHIT GOT WEIRD.

NBC reports that the Trump administration is so desperate to resume normal relations with Jared Kushner's BFF MBS that they're trying to trade 77-year-old cleric Fetullah Gülen -- a lawful resident of Pennsylvania for 20 years -- to the Turkish government in exchange for them dropping the inquiry into the Khashoggi murder.

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Post-Racial America

Please Call Augusta State Prison And Ask Them To Not Amputate This Man's Foot! (UPDATED!!)

Kamau Sadiki needs wound care, not an amputation. My god.

Hello Wonkers! How would you like to feel like you're doing something good today without even having to leave the comfort of your scratched-up pleather La-Z-Boy? Well, the Anarchist Black Cross wants YOU to call Augusta State Prison and ask them to please not amputate the foot of prisoner Kamau Sadiki, whose daughter says he only needs a wound specialist. And so am I, because that is freaking horrifying.

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Elections

GOP Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith Doesn't Love Lynching! YOU Love Lynching!

She loves all the little black babies.

Monday, we collectively scratched our heads over the racist, scatter-brained antics of Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith of Mississippi, who joked for no sane reason about attending "public hangings" -- what we know as, you know, "lynching." Her opponent in the upcoming Senate runoff, Democrat Mike Espy, is black and this seemed especially insensitive in a state where Emmett Till committed "Mississippi suicide." Hyde-Smith didn't apologize but she also didn't double down on the crude remark. That's almost worthy of the Jeff Flake Award for Moral Courage.

However, Hyde-Smith later appeared at a press conference with Governor Phil Bryant, who appointed her to the Senate in April, presumably after she was the 12th caller in a radio promotion. The National Right to Life organization had just endorsed Hyde-Smith (it apparently has a lax policy on hangings). Reporters asked some followup questions about her appalling comments, and she performed as well as Scott Bakula might've if he'd just "Quantum Leaped" into her body and was trying to get his bearings. Oh boy!

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Post-Racial America

Jim Jordan To GOP: What If We Were Big Stupid Liars Like Trump? You Know, HYPOTHETICALLY

Yes, it's because they're not Trumpy enough.

Ohio congressman Jim Jordan would very much like to become speaker of the House (not gonna happen), or even leader of the loser Republicans (not gonna happen), and he knows exactly how to make congressional Republicans popular with the American people again: Just be even bigger dicks and then everyone will elect them, once they're finally as ~~bugfuck insane~~ "intense" as President Grumpypouts. The former head of the House Freedom Caucus made his case on "Fox & Friends": Be like Trump, but turn it up to 15, because eleven is for pussies.

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Post-Racial America

Black Female Georgia State Senator Arrested, Strip-Searched For Doing Job

Black women working hard is scary as hell.

Apparently, a black woman can find herself arrested at a moment's notice, even though the only crime she commits is being damn good at her job. Georgia State Senator Nikema Williams is that particular type of black woman: good at her job, dedicated, and willing to put her freedom on the line to get the job done. So why was Williams dragged from the Georgia state Capitol building, arrested, zip-tied, and tossed into a police van for hours like some common Paul Manafort -- oh, and UPDATE, she says she was STRIP-SEARCHED TOO? (See end of post.) Let's find out.

Georgia state Sen. Nikema Williams was arrested Tuesday at a rally at the state's Capitol building, where she joined activists to demand the counting of every ballot cast in the state's razor-close governor's race between former Secretary of State Brian Kemp and former state Rep. Stacey Abrams.

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Post-Racial America

Armed Security Guard Killed By Police For Doing Job While Black

Shoot first and provide BS explanations later.

I don't like guns. No need for a spoiler alert there. My chief opposition, among many, is that they get black people killed. It doesn't matter if we're a kid in public park or a brother in his own living room, a gun will Calgon away all our problems and replace them with a death certificate suitable for framing. The NRA, always eager to sell more murder machines, suggests the "solution" is for black people to have more guns themselves. We get shot for holding fake guns and real guns are at least twice as dangerous, so I'm not sure how this is good advice. Do they just want us to die?

Look at what happened to armed security guard Jemel Roberson. There was a ruckus early Sunday morning at Manny's Blue Room in Robbins, Illinois, just south of Chicago. Some drunks were asked to leave before any Simply Red lookalikes were hurt (I kid to dull the pain). Someone came back with a gun and opened fire. Roberson, 26, caught up outside with one of the men involved and pinned him to the ground, with a gun pointed at his back -- classic cop procedural move. Two police officers appeared at the scene and, according to witnesses, one of them fatally shot Roberson, who if you're keeping track was the wrong guy. They shot the wrong guy. "Oops" doesn't quite cut it.

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Post-Racial America

WTF Is Happening In Georgia? A Lawsplainer Of All The Courts Kicking Brian Kemp In The Jimmies Right Now

The problem is all these people wanting to vote!

LOVE AND MAWWIAGE! That is what brings us here today. More or less.

In fact, what brings us here today is Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp's herculean efforts to drag his ratfucking carcass across the gubernatorial finish line after disenfranchising a million of his constituents who wanted to elect Stacey Abrams. Like Prince Humperdinck shouting, "Man and Wife! Say Man and Wife!" Kemp insists that the vote tally MUST be certified tomorrow, whether the counting is finished or not. And if not, well, so much the better.

The part of Westley will be played today by Common Cause Georgia -- which makes perfect sense if you are a Millennial or Gen X-er. (And if not, apologies!) On November 5, Common Cause made a novel claim against the state of Georgia. They weren't saying that Kemp was deliberately ratfucking the voter data base himself. But they did argue that the insecurity of voter information guarded by the secretary of state violated voters' due process rights because anyone could break in and change the data.

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Post-Racial America

Stacey Abrams Will Make Georgia Count The Damn Votes If It Is The Last Thing She Does

And judges are starting to agree with her!

Meet the new archetype of the modern Democrat. She's smart, she's fierce, and she's not here to let the GOP walk all over her while she begs for bipartisanship or tries to be extra best good friends with the racist ass GOP. Oh, did I mention she's a WOMAN, she's black, and she is completely UNBOTHERED by Republicans trying to shame her into going the fuck away? It is likely she would tell you "HELL NO" like Miss Sofia* if you order her to stop fighting until the LAST VOTE IS COUNTED. She is our Spirit Queen. She is suing Brian Kemp's corrupt ass and trying to shine a light on his corrupt little ways.

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Post-Racial America

Kirstjen Nielsen Quitting To Lock Babies In Cages In The Private Sector

Don't let the doorknob hitya...

BYE, KIRSTJEN! Looks like you'll finally be able to take that vacation to Norway, the multicultural wonderland of the north. Quick, stick a few of those cool tinfoil blankets in your pocketbook, just in case they deactivate your badge while you're in the ladies room!

The Washington Post reports that Trump will be giving Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen the boot any second now. Apparently, she failed to grasp that you can't just tell Trump the crazy shit he wants to do is illegal. You have to smile and nod, then try to keep a low profile while staying one step ahead of the law. DUH.

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Post-Racial America

What The F*ck Is Happening In Florida? Part 5,628,387,893,626,912,532,841

It always comes down to Broward.

The 2000 election is never dead. It's not even past. We're doomed to repeat the whole hideous hanging chads Florida debacle for all eternity. Roger Stone is even getting the gang back together for another Brooks Brothers riot, featuring Laura Loomer and the QAnon crew. Bring your Trumpy Bear along for the show and receive a free beer koozie!

As Rick Scott's lead over Bill Nelson in the senatorial election shrinks to 13,000 votes, the GOP has entered full panic mode. Just like in 2000, they need a judge to step in and put a stop to the vote counting STAT! What a lucky break that the election supervisors in both Broward and Palm Beach Counties are African American women -- not that they'd have had any trouble getting Trump to shout insane shit about the election, but it doesn't hurt.

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Elections

GOP Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith Is A Mississippi Goddam ... Racist

Lynching humor!

Mississippi Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith made a gross comment earlier this month that is both clueless of history and casually racist. On November 2, just before the midterm election, she was at a campaign event with cattle rancher Colin Hutchinson. Demonstrating just how "ride or die" she was for Hutchinson, she boasted, "If he invited me to a public hanging, I'd be on the front row!"

This is an odd statement because public hangings are historically general admission. Maybe she's saying she'd be willing to camp out overnight to ensure she can watch some poor bastard dance at the end of a rope like a common psychopath. She is, of course, un-ironically "100 percent pro-life," because life has value until it's born. Eventually ending that life in a sickening, extrajudicial manner is a pleasant spectator sport. Bring the popcorn.

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Trump

Sean Hannity Cannot Believe Michelle Obama Would Be So Crass As To Bring Up Trump's Birtherism.

WHAT IF BARRON HEARD ABOUT THIS?

Yesterday, it was revealed that in Michelle Obama's forthcoming memoir she states that she will never forgive Donald Trump for his ridiculous birtherism conspiracy shit. While that might seem like the mildest of all possible "mean" things one could say about Donald Trump, Sean Hannity and his guests were simply aghast during his show last night at how she could put forth such divisive rhetoric instead of "going high" and just letting it go. As we all know, the cruelest thing one can do to a Republican is to simply... mention that they said something messed up, or to repeat their words back to them verbatim.

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Culture

Michelle Obama Said A Mean About Donald Trump And Made Him Cry

God, we love this woman.

Michelle Obama has written a memoir, Becoming, that you should all pre-order right now so you can rejoice in the majesty of her life. She's always been real, unlike the current cubic zirconia first lady, so you might wonder how much real-er she can manage to be. Well, Obama easily ascends to the top of the Cheryl Lynn scale of realness when she reveals that she suffered a miscarriage 20 years ago that left her feeling "lost" and "alone." She also shares for the first time that both her daughters, Malia and Sasha, were conceived through in vitro fertilization.

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Post-Racial America

Donald Trump Ends Asylum, Stephen Miller Sad We're Not Shooting Refugees Yet

New rule: Asylum only for Russian workers at Trump resorts. Maybe Norwegians, too, we'll see.

The Trump administration is rolling out some truly evil fuckery on immigration today, rewriting how the US considers the cases of people asking for asylum at the southern border. In essence, the new directive will trash the asylum laws as written by Congress so that only people applying for asylum after crossing the border at an official port of entry will be considered. Those crossing outside ports of entry will be far more likely to be subject to immediate deportation. The new rules, expected to go into effect almost immediately, are likely to be challenged in court the moment they're implemented, since the Executive branch is attempting to override established law. Trump apparently figures his Supreme Court will let him do whatever he wants, and with his new crowd of creeps, he might even be right, who knows?

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Post-Racial America

Ted Nugent Being Subtle Again

Guess he'd know from shitholes.

Ted Nugent, a native of Michigan, took to Facebook Wednesday to express his displeasure at the ~~Badger~~ ~~Chevrolet~~ Wolverine State for electing a whole bunch of Democrats, and maybe one Democrat in particular if you know what he means and we think you do.

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Post-Racial America

Fox News Cancels Caravan 'Crisis,' Re-Declares War On Jim Acosta And Sharks And Happy Holidays And ...

These guys are shameless

Good news, everyone! Carol's lake house in Minnesota has checked in "safe" on Facebook from that awful caravan crisis, which unlike what conservatives think about climate change was definitely man-made. You probably recall the story about the Marie Antoinette of Minnesota whom Donald Trump had scared even more shades of white about an invading army of hostile poor people. This "caravan of migrants" would not stop until it reached a state that is only habitable for human life for about two weeks in May. Then would come the raping and pillaging in an undetermined order until even innocent lake houses were "occupied."

Mr. Trump's dystopian imagery has clearly left an impression with some. Carol Shields, 75, a Republican in northern Minnesota, said she was afraid that migrant gangs could take over people's summer lake homes in the state.

"What's to stop them?" said Ms. Shields, a retired accountant. "We have a lot of people who live on lakes in the summer and winter someplace else. When they come back in the spring, their house would be occupied."

What's to stop "them"? Absolutely nothing ... that isn't, say, a midterm election that happened Tuesday! The caravan probably packed it in on Wednesday, because what's the point? All eligible voters have been terrified. Turns out the caravan didn't contain gang members after all but just the electoral version of the creatures from Monsters, Inc. who live on fear.

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