North Carolina Election-Fraud F*ckery Goes To Eleven. Teen. Thousand Million
What we are saying is HOLY SHIT.
Details of "alleged" (sure) election fraud in the race for North Carolina's Ninth Congressional District keep piling up, putting in doubt whether the "winner" of the race, Republican Mark Harris, will ever take office. The state elections board refused to certify his "win" over Democrat Dan McCready (by just 905 votes) and has opened an investigation into "possible" (sure) election fraud. A contractor hired by Harris's campaign, Leslie McCrae Dowless, appears to have been running a brilliant scheme to nab absentee ballots from people all over Bladen and Robeson counties, then fake votes for Harris or just never turn in the ballots at all.
Harris "received" a ridiculous 61 percent of the absentee vote in the county, even though only 19 percent of mail-in ballots were requested by Republicans. Oh, yes, and huge numbers of requested mail-in ballots were never turned in. It remains to be seen who in Harris's campaign knew what was going on or whether anyone directed the absentee-ballot shenanigans. Let's dig in to all the latest in this fucktagon of fuckery!
Liz Cheney Knows What You Girls Want, And It Is MORE DICK!
See what we did there?
Fresh off a 40-seat loss in the House and a shellacking from suburban women, the GOP has an excellent comeback plan. They're hanging a sign on the Republican Clubhouse saying NO 'GINAS ALLOWED! Yep, that should close the 19 point preference for Democrats among American women this electoral cycle. And to seal the deal, they've boosted America's sweetheart Liz Cheney to conference chair. Problem solved!
Now, let's not get hysterical thinking the National Republican Congressional Committee has morphed into the manicure/yoga/free bleed session of your dreams. The NRCC isn't going to do anything crazy like recruit more ladies to run for office or anything. WaPo reports,
Cheney, who worked on Middle East policy in the State Department, brings a profile and clout among Republican women that has long been missing. But she does not see any need for course corrections on policies relating to women, arguing that Democrats create silos for female issues that treat women in a condescending way.
"I've always felt like it was very paternalistic to do what the Democrats do," she said. "It's offensive to women."
Bold words from a lady whose party just shrank its female representation from 23 to 13 seats in the House. The Democratic Caucus boasts more than 90 women -- and if you want to see something REALLY scary, click here! But please, GOPsplain us more about things that offend our delicate female sensibilities.
"It shouldn't be just based on looking for a specific set of ingredients — gender, race, religion — and then we're going to play in the primary," incoming NRCC chair Tom Emmer told Roll Call. Because ladies haaaaate it when you run candidates with ovaries. What they want is another white dude, but, like dipped in yogurt with a pink ribbon pin next to the flag on his lapel. Bonus points if he tells us he respects women because he has daughters. Nothing makes us ovulate in unison like a guy who knows when life begins because he looked at an ultrasound one time.
SWOON!
Trump's 'Deport Everyone' Policy Nabs Philadelphia-Born Citizen, But It's OK, He's Black
Not even your birth certificate can save you.
The Trump administration's efforts to deport all the nasty horrible criming foreigners just keeps scoring wins! Along with all the undocumented moms and dads scooped up while dropping the kids off at school (total threats to the nation), the New Cruelty makes the occasional error, like targeting US citizens for deportation, which is quite the regrettable oopsie, but is really just the sort of thing that will happen from time to time. Isn't Making America Great Again worth a little overreach now and then? Still, troublemakers like the American Civil Liberties Union seem to think people have "rights," and now the ACLU is suing a county sheriff's office in Florida for having held a Philadelphia-born US citizen, Peter S. Brown, for three weeks while refusing to even check his repeated offers to prove his citizenship. After all, Immigration and Customs Enforcement had asked the Monroe County Sheriff''s Office to hold "Peter Brown" for deportation to Jamaica, and that was that. Serves the US-born Brown right for having such an exotic name.
Alabama Police Shot E.J. Bradford In The Back Like They Were In A Gangster Movie
So, why is it legal for cops to shoot us in the back?
More information was released about the police shooting of a black man at an Alabama mall in November. Emantic Bradford Jr. was shot three times from behind, according to a forensic examination his family commissioned. This is the type of expense you can expect to incur when you can't trust the cops. Most black people have separate savings accounts set aside for this purpose.
The examination results reveal that Bradford was shot in his back, the back of his head, and the back of his neck. Very few back-related areas were missed. You normally don't see cops on TV shooting people in the back because it's gross. This is the type of gangland-style slaying you see in mobster movies. Even then audiences will cry out, "No, Tommy, don't go into that room! You're not getting made!"
DOJ, DHS Can't Decide Whether To Shoot Asylum Seekers Now, Or Later
International treaties and US law can fuck right off.
Oh, sure, the Trump administration has been blocked by a federal court from putting its new restrictions on requesting asylum into place. The rules would ignore existing US immigration law, which explicitly states people can request asylum "whether or not" they cross the border at a port of entry. Judge Jon S. Tigar ruled Friday that yes, he really means it, explaining very patiently the government failed to show anything about Donald Trump's executive order was legal, so until there's a final decision, people still have the right to request asylum. BUMMER.
Let's back up for some background on the latest asylum fuckery, which is separate from the rules the court told Team Trump it can't enforce. This new awfulness leaked the day before Thanksgiving, in case you'd missed the announcement (also, as with so much Trump "policy," there was no actual announcement). Under current law, those who pass a screening for "credible fear" of harm in their home countries are allowed to live and work in the USA until their case is decided. Donald Trump doesn't like that; he calls it "catch and release," although some radicals consider it "due process," as if anyone but indicted Trump aides were entitled to such a thing. The new idea has the completely Trumpian name "Remain in Mexico," because it would make asylum-seekers remain in Mexico, you see? Trump probably thought of the name himself, because he's real smart.
Ex-Florida Police Chief Finally Puts Guilty Person In Prison: Himself
Police chief's 100 percent clearance rate was 100 percent corrupt.
Raimundo Atesiano is going to prison for a while but not nearly long enough. Atesiano was sentenced last week to three years for conspiracy to frame black men for crimes they didn't commit. It wasn't personal. It was strictly a corrupt business. The former police chief of Biscayne Park, a small town in Florida, encouraged three of his officers to crap on the lives of innocent people as a quick fix for reported burglaries.
This is somewhat justice delayed: Atesiano resigned in 2014 after the officers involved -- Guillermo Ravelo, Charlie Dayoub and Raul Fernandez -- directly implicated him. They were all sentenced to prison last month for arresting a 16-year-old in 2013 under Atesiano's direction and pinning on him four unsolved burglaries. This is a serious felony.
Arizona Racist David Stringer Just Can't Stop With All The Crazy Racist Talk
At least he's on brand!
Kyrsten Sinema flipped a Senate seat in Arizona, but we shouldn't gloss over the fact that the state is still pretty racist. For years, Arizona refused to take a day off if it had to thank a black guy for it. But Republican State Representative David Stringer ranks pretty high on the Cindy Hyde-Smith scale of racism even for Arizona!
Back in June, Stringer said that immigration was "politically destabilizing" and an "existential threat" that will drastically alter US demographics for the worse. He pointed out that 60 percent of public school students were minorities, so there weren't "enough white kids to go around" to keep those schools from being shitholes, I guess. Republicans tiptoed away from him after these comments. He never actually apologized and later appeared at an event held in the "Chicken Coop" room of a local Lo-Lo's Chicken & Waffles, where he tried to convince a crowd of black people that they'd been "supplanted" by an influx of not-good-immigrants, "principally people from south of the border."
Black folks' newest BFF was re-elected on November 6. A couple weeks later, he spoke with Arizona State University students, at least some of whom are black, and pointed out how much we sucked. He claimed diversity in this country is "relatively new," which is an interesting statement considering European settlers -- and some less-than-willing folks from Africa -- literally diversified the existing population. But for totally non cross-burning reasons, Stringer has no problem with the European immigrants.
Sinclair Broadcasting: Our Insane 'Must-Run' Rants? Those Are *Someone Else's* Insane 'Must Run' Rants!
We are shocked, shocked at these things we find ourselves saying!
You may recall the wee bit of outrage this spring when anchors at local TV affiliates owned by Sinclair Broadcasting were forced to read the very same editorial script as if it were the anchors' own opinions. Even Donald Trump made fun of the fake news, at least until he learned the Sinclair stations were also running pre-taped pro-Trump messages. Many of them even featured shitcanned former Trump White House staffer Boris Epshteyn, aka "Oh yeah, he's a different shitcanned Trump staffer than Seb Gorka." This week, Sinclair was at it again, mandating that its more than 100 stations run an Epshteyn segment praising Dear Leader for tear-gassing women and children at the border, because after all, the few dozen migrants (out of several thousand asylum seekers) who were arrested breaking through border fences Sunday was an "invasion," just like D-Day, and you wouldn't expect the USA to let an invading foreign army wade ashore without shooting back, would you?
US Senate: Is Making 'Moral Poison' Dude A Federal Judge A Bridge Too Farr?
Tim Scott and Lisa Murkowski: You really want your names linked to this guy? Or that pun?
The US Senate voted this afternoon to advance the nomination of Thomas Farr to be a federal judge for the Eastern District in North Carolina, even though Farr has a sterling record of suppressing African-American votes. And in a completely unsurprising bit of trivia, that judicial district is home to some of the state's highest concentrations of black voters. What a coincidence!
The good news is that with Democrats unified in opposition to Farr and Jeff Flake pledging not to vote for any judicial nominees unless the Mueller investigation is protected from the whims of the "president," Democrats only needed just one Republican to break ranks and stop the guy.
The bad news is that Democrats had to find one Republican willing to break ranks, in a party that insists keeping black people from voting is good.
Quit Yer Whining! Liberals Did Better In Mississippi Than You Think!
Mike Espy pushed his state further toward actual democracy.
Racist lynch humorist Cindy Hyde Smith won, as expected, Mississippi's US Senate runoff yesterday against Democrat Mike Espy. Yeah, I know I promised I wasn't writing anything else about Senator Skeletor, but why are you keeping track of what I say? Stop stalking me.
Hyde Smith's margin of victory was relatively narrow (54 percent to Espy's 46 percent) for a deep-red state that Donald Trump carried by almost 20 points. It seemed no poll tax was too steep to keep black people from the ballot box, even if we did come up short. And we made Republicans spend money -- real US dollars not Confederate trumpaloos -- on an election in Mississippi. As Richard III said, "If not to heaven, then hand in hand to hell." That's what a resistance looks like. Make them sweat and fight for every win. Stacey Abrams's "defeat" in Georgia is not a total loss when it registers new voters and exposes the depths of Republican corruption.
The Mississippi special election exposed to the world the state's longstanding racial dynamics. Sunlight is an excellent disinfectant, but like a frat boy's bathroom, one thorough scrubbing isn't enough to fully sanitize Mississippi's politics.
Mean Judges Won't Let Trump Ratf*ck Census, UNFAIR!
Haters!
We've put it off long enough, Wonkers. It's time to discuss THE CENSUS LITIGATION. Bow-chicka-bow-bow! But first, let's watch the president of the United States attack the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court on Twitter.
Literally none of this is true, of course. But leaving that aside, what kind of idiot attacks the judicial body which will be adjudicating his fate in short order? Answer: The Giantest Fucking Idiot that ever parked his Russian-owned keister in the Oval Office.
Erick Erickson's Christmas Wish: Throw The Communists Out The Helicopters
Do not worry, he is only joking, except completely serious, kind of.
Rightwing thought leader and occasional goatfucker Erick Erickson is a big fan of Supply Side Jesus, and following the slight unpleasantness on the US-Mexico border Sunday, took to the Twitters for some holiday thoughts about good governance. Not here in the Land of the Free, where we're in great shape, but down South, where things are a mess.
Oh sure, some pansy "Christians" get all hung up about Jesus's admonitions to welcome strangers and care for them -- at the risk of eternal damnation, if you believe that sort of thing. But not Erick Erickson! He far prefers Manly Realpolitik Jesus. The Jesus who would give Henry Kissinger a Nobel Peace Prize and overlook the occasional stray bomb in Cambodia or coup in Chile. Because honestly, those people really need a firm hand, don't they? Here's his prescription for solving the problems of Latin America: The US should cultivate the next crop of Augusto Pinochets in the region! But don't worry, he adds, he's only MOSTLY serious!
Black Army Vet Wrongly Shot By Alabama Police Because Oh Who The Hell Knows Why Anymore?
And in Illinois, they shot the good guy with the gun.
The Second Amendment is lethal for black people. I frequently make this declaration because the police are frequently killing black men who exercise their supposed constitutional right to bear arms. A couple weeks ago, Illinois police shot and killed armed security guard Jemel Roberson on the grounds that he was armed while securing someone. Now Alabama police have added to the senseless body count.
On Thanksgiving night (that's last Thursday if you don't know how the holiday works), there was a shooting at Riverchase Galleria, a very fancy name for a very large mall in the Birmingham suburb of Hoover. During the commotion and gunfire, an officer working security fatally shot 21-year-old Emantic "EJ" Bradford Jr., and the police immediately set out to protect the cop and serve Bradford with posthumous slander.
Diamond and Silk's New Show Will Embarrass America And That's The Point
It's literally their job.
Those crafty, country, churchifying embarrassments to Black America and White America simultaneously, Diamond and Silk -- aka Zircon and Rayon -- are back once again to leverage their "fame" in order to make some more sweet sweet profits. And it's all thanks to their beloved Mr. Trump. He sure has fucked the world up, huh? Yeah.
Now, before you ask yourselves, "Why the fuck should I even give a shit about those garbage women?" we will remind you that they are one half of all of the black people Trump has helped get jobs (FACT). Apparently, it is YOUR job to be very impressed with their new show, or possibly to not be impressed because you will never pay $5.99 to watch ANYTHING created by Fox News. And your Old Dad probably can't figure out the paypal.
Gateway Pundit, Other Idiots: Tear-Gassed Babies Were CRISIS ACTOR GEORGE SOROS FALSE FLAG!
You guys, he has photos and they're ANNOTATED.
For a bunch of tough-guy immigrant haters who think tear gassing immigrants is just peachy, the far right sure does hate the idea that anyone could feel sympathy for a bunch of dirty asylum seekers. You'd think they'd have the courage of their convictions and be delighted to see a woman and her children getting tear-gassed for the crime of fleeing gang violence in Honduras, but instead, some of the top minds in the rightwing crazysphere have decided it simply makes more sense to deny that anyone worth empathy actually suffered at all in Sunday's tear gas attack at the border. So now the Brain Cell Trust at Gateway Pundit can tell you the real truth: That photo by Reuters photographer Kim Kyung-Hoon was actually staged, because that's just how evil liberals are, making a tear gas attack appear to have affected children (who aren't really in any danger anyway since all asylum claims are also fake).
Crazy Idea: How About We DON'T Put 'Moral Poison' Thomas Farr On Federal Court?
Being good enough for Jesse Helms is a good enough reason to reject him.
Mitch McConnell is using the lame duck session of the Senate to push through yet another crop of rightwing federal judiciary nominees picked for Donald Trump by the Heritage Foundation and the Federalist Society. This latest group includes yet another dipshit the American Bar Association has designated as "not qualified" -- the sixth Trump nominee to get that lowest-possible rating ... so far. Also among the nominees is Thomas Alvin Farr, whom Trump picked for the Eastern District of North Carolina. Although the ABA rates him as "well-qualified," there are one or two minor issues with Farr's record that have led every single Democrat in the Senate to oppose his confirmation, like the fact that the NAACP has called Farr North Carolina's "vote-suppressor in chief." Oh dear, he IS a nasty piece of work.
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