Meet Your New Dad Marvin, Who Knows Kansas Ain't Got Coronavirus 'Cause Kansas Ain't Chinese Like Italy!
FACTCHECK: Coronavirus done come to Kansas.
The chairman of the board of commissioners of Riley County, Kansas, has found the bright side of coronavirus, and that is why he is today's America's Bestest Smartest Elected Official Not Named Trump.
Commissioner Marvin Rodriguez explained that everything is fine in Kansas — up to date, really — and they ain't got no coronaviruses (they do) and he knows why. His comments at the board meeting were described by Usha Reddi, mayor of Manhattan, Kansas, which is in Riley County:
"I'm paraphrasing, but he said we don't have a problem here because Italy has a lot of Chinese people, and we don't have that problem here."
Got that? ITALY has the CORONAVIRUS, because ITALY TOO CHINESE. As if the virus just sprouts up in people of Chinese heritage, regardless of where they've been or with whom they've been in contact.
Hey, do you get it now, assholes? THIS is why Trump calling it the "Chinese virus" is bad and racist and dangerous.
Texas State Rep Forced Into Runoff By Candidate Who May Not Exist!
That's some sweet, sweet ratfucking!
Over in Texas Tuesday, while minorities stood in line for hours to vote, state Rep. Harold Dutton from Houston faced the most competitive primary challenge of his almost 35 years in office. Texas is one of 10 states that use a primary runoff system, which means that if more than two candidates are running, the winner must receive 50 percent of the vote, plus one. Dutton fell a few points shy of the required majority and will advance to a runoff election in May with Houston City Council member Jerry Davis, who came in second. Here's where the weirdness develops: The candidate who came in third with 20 percent of the vote might not actually exist in the material world.
Natasha Ruiz performed pretty well for a candidate who was nonexistent on the campaign trail, and there's increasing evidence Ruiz herself literally doesn't exist. This really annoys Richard Bonton, who came in last with just 9 percent of the vote. Poor Bonton ran for the seat in 2018, as well. He managed 34 percent against incumbent Dutton, who easily cleared 50 percent and avoided a runoff. Now Bonton is losing to possibly imaginary candidates. This is the electoral version of that dream you have where you show up for class or work without your pants.
BONTON: There's definitely something fishy going on. You have a person with no ground work, no community service, no nothing. … You look up Natasha Ruiz — there's nothing.
Black Virginia Senators Explain To GOP Assholes That Confederate Statues Actually Hurt
We shall overcome, but also: we are overcome.
Virginia's new Democratic majority in the General Assembly has already passed some kickass legislation. In just the past couple months, the newly Democratically controlled legislature has passed an anti-LGBTQ discrimination bill. It's passed the Equal Rights Amendment. It torched Lee-Jackson Day and replaced it with a state holiday for Election Day. But not everything's been rosy, particularly when it comes to gun safety, and now there's some tedious pushback about Confederate memorials.
You'd think after Charlottesville, where Nazis and other white supremacists let their hate flags fly, everyone would agree to junk the memorials to slavery celebrating traitors. However, we live in a world where Republicans exist.
One of those Republicans, freshman lawmaker Sen. Jennifer Kiggans, claimed it was "divisive and not healing" to even consider removing Confederate memorials. Kiggans is the sort of Republican who conflates history with celebration. It's not as though anyone's going to forget 9/11 unless there are statues of Osama bin Laden in Central Park. Valorizing sworn enemies of the United States is a weird thing to do unless you really dislike black people.
Kiggans, who by the way is hella white, argued that Civil War memorials were "in most cases … dedicated to deceased veterans who fought for their homeland and died or were wounded alongside their hometown friends." This is bullshit. These people were all traitors. They willingly attacked and killed American soldiers. No amount of revisionist, "Lost Cause" nonsense can change that fact.
Tom Steyer Exits Race After His Plaid Tie's Crushing Loss In SC Primary
The billionaire's attempted acquisition of South Carolina didn't pan out.
Eccentric billionaire Tom Steyer staked his entire presidential campaign on a strong performance in Saturday's South Carolina Primary. He dropped almost $20 million in the Palmetto State and all he achieved was keeping Pete Buttigieg under 10 points. Although I think that's money well spent, Steyer himself is less sanguine. He's joining the other Tim Ryans on the island of misfit candidates.
STEYER: I said if I didn't see a path to winning, then I'd suspend my campaign. And honestly, I can't see a path where I can win the presidency.
There was never any path for Steyer, and I could've told him this before he wasted $253 million. You could buy at least two fixer uppers in Seattle for that kind of money. His mess of a campaign wasn't entirely self-funded. He did ask economic mortals for contributions of at least $1 so he could meet the individual donor threshold and loophole his way onto the debate stage. That grassroots support came out to $3,555,597 total, which is about $10 million less than what people have donated to Tulsi Gabbard, presumably by accident.
Congressman From 'Hee Haw' BURNIN' DOWN That Georgia Senate Race!
He DGAF.
The Devil went down to Georgia, he said, "Hi, I'm from the National Republican Senatorial Committee. Let me help you cut some super-fuckin' racist ads against one of your own."
And it sure looks like the Georgia GOP will be getting that fiddle of gold! Check this out.
Doug Collins wants you to think he's a conservative. But before last August when a senate seat opened up, he was far less supportive of the president.
Hold up! That guy talks like Boomhauer on speed, but we're pretty sure we'd remember if he'd announced his support for Mexican gaybortions while prostrating himself at Nancy Pelosi's feet. The supercut of Collins saying he doesn't agree with everything Trump does, as a prelude to an obvious defense of the latest indefensible assault on democracy -- minus the defense -- is also a nice touch.
But HOLY WILLIE HORTON, what is this shit?
Bill Barr's DOJ Gives Fox News New Excuse To Flash Scary Mexican Videos At Your Grandma
Like everything involving immigrants, it's a crisis!
The Trump administration's total war on immigrants took another big step forward this week, as the Justice Department opened a whole new section devoted to stripping US citizenship from naturalized citizens who lied on their citizenship application forms. The DOJ is spinning it as an effort to rid America of the very worst, scummiest criminals who have wormed their way into Our Great Nation, no doubt due to liberals who hate America. The actual number of people who'll end up losing their citizenship is likely to be small -- in the hundreds, at most -- but the new "Denaturalization Section" of the Office of Immigration Litigation will help achieve some top administration goals: It will reinforce the narrative that immigrants in general are criminals and all pre-Trump laws were too lax, plus it will send immigrants the message that they're never safe -- not even after they become citizens.
Tucker Carlson: BERNIE'S ARMY OF POT-SELLING BLACK KIDS IS COMING! AND THEY'VE GOT A BUSINESS LICENSE!
Carlson wants to keep legalized pot industry separate and very much unequal.
Tucker Carlson is as down with "reefer" as any conservative white TV dinner heir who wore bow ties in his youth. The Fox News host has linked marijuana use to schizophrenia, violence, suicide, and death. He apparently thought Reefer Madness was a documentary. He's argued, with little evidence, that marijuana causes school shootings, even as a popular competing theory suggests guns are to blame.
Carlson recently flipped out on Bernie Sanders because the crazy socialist suggested in this week's debate that not only should weed pots be legalized, and people with weed pot convictions should have their records expunged, but also he wants to help racial minorities create businesses to enjoy some of the financial largesse of the newly legal industry. Reminder: we're talking selling a product that's already legal in 11 states. Sanders deserves some free market cred for promoting the economic benefits of intoxicating substances. That makes him more Team Kennedy than Team Castro.
Carlson however scared his viewers with the images of black teens selling dime bags in suburban neighborhoods. In his fevered imagination, Sanders's army of weed dealers will numb a generation of Tucker Carlsons, robbing them of a rosy future as a right-wing propagandist. They'll just loaf around on someone's ratty couch, smoking out like Brad Pitt in True Romance, and voting -- by mail, of course -- for all sorts of insidious socialist candidates and policies.
How Racist Is GOP's Claim That Mike Bloomberg 'Bought' Lucy McBath? Pretty Damn!
You never come for Rep. McBath. You just don't.
Mike Bloomberg donated a crazy amount of money to Democratic candidates in 2018. That was very much appreciated. Unfortunately, at the Democratic debate Tuesday, Bloomberg might've accidentally on purpose implied that he owned the new Nancy Pelosi-led House.
BLOOMBERG: Let's just go on the record. They talk about 40 Democrats. Twenty one of those are people that I spent a hundred million dollars to help elect. All of the new Democrats that came in and put Nancy Pelosi in charge and gave the Congress the ability to control this president, I bough — I, I got them.
Just get Bloomberg a monocle and a top hat and he's Mr. Billionaire, the cackling lead in a political satire co-written by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. It's bad enough that Bloomberg is assuming ownership for the blue wave, but his slip of the tongue is a gift to Republicans who'll -- without any sense of irony -- shame Democrats for accepting his money.
Stop What You're Doing And Watch Jim Clyburn's Endorsement Of His Good Friend Joe Biden
This one is about more than just politics.
It's no secret that Saturday's South Carolina primary is must win for Joe Biden. The polls have consistently shown him ahead of Bernie Sanders in the Palmetto State, but polls are slippery devils (don't tell Nate Silver). Sanders has also narrowed Biden's lead in the past few weeks. Anything can happen Saturday -- including the possibility we might actually know who won the damn thing on the same day people voted.
Biden's greatest strength in South Carolina is his deep well of support from black voters, who make up almost 60 percent of the Democratic electorate. It was expected that the loyal wingman for the first black president would receive enthusiastic endorsements from prominent black Democrats, but his endorsement today from House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn was not just about Barack Obama. It was a moving testament to Joe Biden, the man.
Roger Stone's Genius Lawyers Pretty Sure Scary Black Lady Tricked Them Into Botching Jury Selection
Go to jail, asshole!
What did Judge Amy Berman Jackson ever do to deserve Roger Stone and his endless antics? After dropping Stone's motion for judicial recusal in the courthouse dumpster where it belongs, Her Honor was subjected to a four-hour hearing on his motion for a new trial Because of Mean Black Lady Juror. It was RIDICULOUS.
What is not ridiculous, though, and not even a little bit funny, is Trump's brazen attacks on the jury foreperson and Judge Jackson during this trial. It is frankly terrifying that the president of the United States is putting a target on the back of a private citizen who did her civic duty as an independent jurist.
You will be shocked, shocked to find that he was sending these tweets during the hearing yesterday. And also that Bill Barr failed to resign in protest.
State Department Kinda Making Up Coronavirus Policy As It Goes Along. That Cool?
It's hard to tell the weaponized incompetence from the regular kind.
The Washington Post published a disturbing-maybe story yesterday detailing internal White House deliberations Sunday, when the US was about to fly more than 300 Americans from that quarantined cruise ship in Japan back to the USA. The Americans who wanted to return home had already been taken off the Diamond Princess, which had been sitting at anchor in Yokohama Harbor since February 3 while the Covid-19 coronavirus spread among the passengers on board. But while the 328 Americans, all wearing surgical masks and gloves, waited on buses at Haneda Airport in Tokyo for their flight home, officials from the State Department and the Centers for Disease Control were wrangling over a new problem: 14 of the Americans had tested positive for the virus, although the State Department had promised that nobody who was infected would be allowed on the two 747s — their interiors stripped of everything but seats — chartered to repatriate the Americans.
As the Post reports, it seems nobody had planned for that possibility.
A decision had to be made. Let them all fly? Or leave them behind in Japanese hospitals? [...]
The State Department and a top Trump administration health official wanted to forge ahead. The infected passengers had no symptoms and could be segregated on the plane in a plastic-lined enclosure. But officials at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention disagreed, contending they could still spread the virus. The CDC believed the 14 should not be flown back with uninfected passengers.
"It was like the worst nightmare," said a senior U.S. official involved in the decision, speaking on the condition of anonymity to describe private conversations. "Quite frankly, the alternative could have been pulling grandma out in the pouring rain, and that would have been bad, too."
Ultimately, it may not make a huge difference — or at least we don't know yet. All the Americans who were brought back remain in quarantine at military bases in California and Texas, where they're no doubt being prevented from seeing the massive numbers of Russian and Chinese tanks left over from Barack Obama's Jade Helm 15 conspiracy. But even if none of those who tested positive for the virus actually spread it on the planes, it's not exactly reassuring to know that the people in charge were pretty much improvising their response — which is, after all, the default mode in Donald Trump's White House.
Elizabeth Warren Has A Plan. It Is A Plan For Kicking Ass.
Guess some people just refuse to be erased.
Elizabeth Warren was ready to debate last night. It was kind of glorious. While most of her wrath — measured, well-spoke wrath, but damn! — was focused on Mike Bloomberg, she also went after other candidates on their policy weaknesses, and she left plenty of online commenters looking forward to how she'd go after Donald Trump in a national debate. If he showed up at all. While Warren categorically rejects the Citizens United notion that money is a form of speech, her campaign certainly heard some pleasant voices last night. To the tune of $2.8 million in donations by the end of the debate, Warren's best single-day total, according to her campaign.
I have to warn you, kids, this post may read a bit like fanfiction. We're bullish. But don't worry, there won't be a character named Doktor Sue who gets hired as a policy adviser.
Trayvon Martin's POS Killer Sues Pete Buttigieg, Liz Warren For Aggravated Humanity
This guy never stops finding new ways to make us sick.
George Zimmerman, who fatally shot a then-17-year-old Trayvon Martin, has decided to sue actual human beings who expressed sadness over Martin's death. Zimmerman was not content to vanish after his miscarriage of justice acquittal. He periodically emerges from the bowels of hell and reminds people how repulsive he is.
Two weeks ago, on what would have been Martin's 25th birthday, presidential candidates Elizabeth Warren and Pete Buttigieg tweeted their condolences and benignly observed that racism and gun violence are bad.
Neither Democrat mentioned Martin's killer by name. Warren said Martin "should still be with us today," which is a fair and obvious statement to make about a person gunned down by George Zimmerman. Buttigieg correctly noted that too many "25th birthdays have been stolen from us by white supremacy, gun violence, prejudice, and fear."
Candace Owens Says Bernie Sanders Is As Racist As The Guy Who Passed The Civil Rights Act
Owens says Sanders is 'Lyndon Baines Johnson 2.0' because she's really dumb.
Candace Owens doesn't believe in racism. She has testified as much before an astounded Congress that just wanted her to hurry up and deliver them the pizza they ordered. She does however believe in the imaginary form of racism practiced by liberals who try to pass anti-discrimination laws.
During an appearance Monday on Laura Ingraham's white power hour, Owens defended Mike Bloomberg from accusations of racism. You'd think Bloomberg has enough money to prevent Owens from "helping" him or even saying his name out loud. Owens argued that Bloomberg isn't racist. No, the "best" racist on the Left is Bernie Sanders ... because of socialism?
OWENS: [Sanders] pretends to be their friend. He lies to black America's face when he knows that he's going to be the one like Lyndon Baines Johnson. He's Lyndon Baines Johnson 2.0 who is going to enact policies that are going to harm black America for the next 100 years.
When she was in high school, Owens sued the Stamford, Connecticut, public schools for racial discrimination, but she also should have filed a claim against whoever taught her American history. If Sanders were to literally campaign as "Lyndon Baines Johnson 2.0," he'd win South Carolina in a landslide. LBJ is arguably black people's favorite president after Barack Obama. One of my aunts had a set of LBJ commemorative plates. This is because most black people have brains in their head and remember that President Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965. That's worth a lifetime pass to the cookout.
That Softie Mike Bloomberg Won't Make Rudy Giuliani Give Up Loving Stop-And-Frisk
Giuliani is still the worst living former New York City mayor.
Mike Bloomberg is running for president as a Democrat, which means he can't overtly embrace racism and racist policies. At the very least, he needs to apologize for all the times he did. He's a new man with a New Democrat attitude. Rudy Giuliani, however, spent eight years as New York City mayor kicking black people in the teeth, and when his two terms of racial terror were up, he passed down his steel-toed boots to Bloomberg. He even endorsed his then-fellow Republican. Now Bloomberg has denounced the infamous "stop-and-frisk" police tactic of forgetting black people are citizens, and Giuliani doesn't even know who Bloomberg is anymore.
Giuliani blasted Bloomberg's newfound glimmer of humanity during an appearance Sunday on "The Cats Roundtable with John Catsimatidis," which apparently exists.
GIULIANI: What is this stuff that [Bloomberg's] condemning stop-and-frisk? I did it for eight years. He did it for 12. I did 100 [thousand] stops. He did 600 [thousand].
Even in a city of more than 8 million, that's a lot of black and brown people to feel up so Broadway tourists can feel safe. Giuliani insists that Bloomberg loved "stop-and-frisk" as much as he did, and he's now trying to act like that friend of yours who claimed they never bought a Spice Girl record. (Those ladies sold 85 million worldwide. It wasn't just me!)
Trump Extorts New York On Twitter, Just Right There, Right Out In The Open
Collins and Murkowski to raise eyebrow alert levels to 'red.'
Did we not just get done impeaching the motherfucker? Yes, we did, and impeachment is forever. But now that lunatic is out there on Twitter trying to extort the state of New York, demanding personal favors in exchange for federal government action. It's quid pro quo all over again, only this time you don't have to spend ten minutes READING THE TDJ@4QRPPPPPPPP5T, thanks to Twitter's 280-character limit.
He just ... he just tweeted it out. In preparation for a meeting with New York Governor Andrew Cuomo about suspending the state's residents from the Trusted Traveler Programs, which allow speedy entry at most highly-traveled northern border points, Donald Trump just demanded that the state stop suing him.
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