We hear the local KKK is hiring.
Republican Congressman Steve King will now have a lot more free time at work. GOP leadership kicked King off of all his committees after growing backlash from the racist drivel he told the New York Times last week.
There's been blood in the water for days. Democrats Bobby L. Rush and Tim Ryan each filed resolutions to censure King, and even Republicans are abandoning him. Mitch McConnell says King should "find another line of work." Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney both said he should resign. They have a point. King's constituents do deserve a representative who can actually do something for them beyond increase local tourism from Klan rallies. However, the majority did knowingly elect a racist nine times, so it's hard to resist saying to hell with them.
King is not taking this with the class you've come to expect from your finer Nazi sympathizers. He called out House Minority Leader (that's the GOP now!!) Kevin McCarthy on Twitter yesterday.
That there is some outside the box thinking.
OH, NOES! Did Donald Trump utter a scandalous cuss? However shall the republic continue when our elected leaders do befoul our precious civil discourse with vile profanities? We beseech you, good sirs, to think of the children!
On January 4, President Arty McDeals met with congressional leaders to bluster uselessly about the federal shutdown, then in its 14th day. Lest anyone think he'd come to negotiate, Trump's promise to keep the government closed for "months or even years" should have tipped off his staff -- it was just another round of brinkmanship from a guy who got where he is by always being the craziest liar in the room.
Acting Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney provided the perfect foil when he suggested a compromise to fund WALL at some number between the president's $5.7 billion demand, and the Democrat's initial offer of $1.3 billion. Axios reports:
"Trump cut him off ... 'You just fucked it all up, Mick,'" the source recalled Trump saying. "It was kind of weird."
Another source who was in the room confirmed the account. That source said their impression was that Trump was irritated at Mulvaney's negotiating style. "As a negotiator, Trump was resetting," the source said. "Mick was not reading the room or the president."
Oh, but we are silly today! That's for brown ladies what don't know their place. Also, too, IOKIYAR.
This is hell, isn't it?
Happy Sunday, Wonkers! Is it snowing where you are? Are you stuck in the house? Let's beat the boredom with a little game called So You Think You Can President. For five thousand Wonkette NO DOLLARS: Are you a clandestine Russian asset who sold out your country to benefit Vladimir Putin?
... tick tock, tick tock
Okay, pencils down!
Was your answer more than two letters long? Congratulations, you go directly to jail! And take Donald Trump with you.
This world, apparently!
Earlier this month, newly minted Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib of Michigan called Donald Trump a "motherfucker." Republicans were thrilled for an opportunity to test the waters and see if they had enough street cred left to clutch their pearls over such a thing given their election of President Grab 'Em By The Pussy. Centrist Democrats were thrilled for an opportunity to show how incredibly balanced they are by saying it was definitely bad to call the President a motherfucker, something he obviously is. Chris Cillizzas across the country cried out about civility and going high and wrestling with pigs. Or whatever.
This past week, Congressman Steve King, in the pages of The New York Times, announced that he was not so sure what was especially "offensive" about being a white nationalist or a white supremacist.
At long last, Republicans have decided that maybe Steve King is just possibly LI'L BIT RACIST.
We told you yesterday how Iowa Rep. Steve King went full Nazi (again, some more) during an interview with the New York Times, wondering out loud why everyone suddenly thought "white supremacist" was a bad thing. We imagine he's probably also concerned about the all the colored people using his drinking fountains, but don't quote us on that, because we're sure Steve King will also say that out loud someday if he feels the need to.
The inevitable backlash was bad enough that King is now on the defensive.
"I reject white nationalism. I reject white supremacy. It's not part of any of my ideology. I reject anyone who carries that ideology," the Iowa Republican told NBC News in his Capitol Hill office.
Wow, RINO! Next thing you know King is gonna start calling bigots "deplorables."
Please remember that in the distant past of literally yesterday, King was quoted in the Times as saying the following toxic crap:
"White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization — how did that language become offensive?" Mr. King said. "Why did I sit in classes teaching me about the merits of our history and our civilization?"
King is attempting to pretend he never said "white nationalist" or "white supremacist." He was just politely dog-whistling "Dixie" about the glories of "Western civilization," which can include people of all races, even the subhuman ones.
Tucker Carlson would like to talk to us about 'merit,' because that's how he got where he is in life, yep, you betcha.
Tucker Carlson's daddy was the president of the Corporation for Public Broacasting and an ambassador to the Seychelles. His stepmommy is a TV dinner heiress. He attended boarding school at St. George's School, an elite academy in Middletown, Rhode Island, which boasts Prescott Bush and several Astors as alumni, and then went on to Trinity College in Connecticut.
Anyway, Carlson would like to give us all a good talking-to about merit.
And who let all these brown people in Congress?
Hey, did you hear that racist thing Steve King said? No, not that one. This is a new one. No, newer than that. We get if you're confused. I drag racists professionally, and even I have trouble keeping it all straight.
The New York Times has an article today about how the Iowa congressman is the white supremacist Beatles to Donald Trump's Oasis. It only really got interesting in the last couple paragraphs, when it painted a picture of King as some racist grandpa sulking on his porch while people of color invade his neighborhood.
Last week, as the new Congress was sworn in, Mr. King sat on his side of a chamber sharply delineated by demographics. The Democratic majority included record numbers of African-Americans and women, including the first Native American and the first Muslim women. Mr. King's side was mostly people who look like him.
"You could look over there and think the Democratic Party is no country for white men," he said.
King and I apparently have at least one thing in common. We're both aware of the title of the 2007 Coen Brothers film but have never gotten around to actually watching it. I do find it hilarious though to imagine King fuming over the rise of the colored empires like some common Tom Buchanan.
The Grand Wizard does have a point. It's racist and gross, but it is an observation the media has reported on a great deal since the midterm elections. King just doesn't consider it good news that the House is the most diverse in history. It's like if I showed up at a klansman's house with several pounds of dry-aged steak and he refused them because he's vegan and also hates black people.
Today's Congressional Badass: Lauren Underwood, Who Repealed And Replaced Illinois GOP Rep. Randy Hultgren
Dig this history-making candidate!
You might not have heard much about freshman Rep. Lauren Underwood from Illinois. No one's released a music video she made in college. She doesn't appear to have had a childhood nickname. She also hasn't publicly insulted Donald Trump, but the year is young.
Underwood is still worth your attention, starting with how she's the first woman and first black person to represent Illinois's 14th district. At 32, she's also the youngest black woman ever elected to Congress. She's a registered nurse who graduated magna cum laude from the University of Michigan and earned two master's degrees from Johns Hopkins University. That means she's smart, y'all.
She interned for Senator Barack Obama in 2006 and was an adviser at the Department of Health and Human Services when he was president. She helped implement the Affordable Care Act and later worked on public health emergencies, including the man-made water crisis in Flint, Michigan.
Underwood wasn't thinking about personally running for office until Republicans tried to kill her (we're speaking only somewhat metaphorically). Underwood was diagnosed at age eight with a heart condition called supraventricular tachycardia, and the care she received from doctors and nurses as a child inspired her to pursue a career in the field. Like millions of Americans, she relied on the Affordable Care Act to ensure she wouldn't have to someday get her health plan from a bubble gum machine.
Nevertheless, she persisted!
Rep. Ayanna Pressley, Massachusetts's first black congresswoman, read Donald Trump his ass on the House floor Tuesday, and it was glorious. She knew Trump was set to go on TV later and verbally kick us in the groin with his racist lies. My sister wasn't having it.
I rise today in opposition to the occupant of the White House.
Y'all see she didn't call him "the president"? No, there'll be no referring to Putin's stooge as "president" while Rep. Pressley's got the mic and her hair is on point.
Mr. Trump, you took an oath just as I did five days ago, to protect and defend the Constitution and the American people. Sir, you dishonor that oath. You devalue the life of the immigrant, the worker, and the survivor. I see right through you and so do the American people.
Goddamn! This is Angela Bassett setting fire to her trifling husband's clothes and sweet ride in Waiting to Exhale. This is Denzel Washington as Malcolm X serving notice in the opening credits to the Spike Lee film. This is concentrated bad assery. Now sit down with the hot beverage of your liking and listen to the rest of Pressley's speech.
They pre-empted Ellen's game show for THIS?
Donald Trump somehow got nine minutes of time on all the major networks last night to deliver a very presidential Oval Office version of the very same lie-filled immigration rant he's been performing at rallies since 2015, only sitting down and reading in his "president" voice from a teleprompter. Yes, he sniffed a lot, too. If you had any sense, you watched something else, like Stormy Daniels folding laundry in her underthings, or maybe you read a book. But nah, like us [not me! -- editrix] you probably watched in horror waiting for him to declare a national emergency, and at least he didn't do that yet, though he still might after he visits the border Thursday. Of maybe he'll declare war on Honduras, to really send a message.
So here's President Shroomdick doing the thing he did, which didn't change any minds and won't reopen the government, but was very definitely his first prime time Oval Office address to the nation, so we guess now he's really become presidential, huh?
This jackoff again.
Starting too soon, Donald Trump, who is unaccountably president of the United States, is gonna beam straight into your TV set to jaw and whine and SNIFFFFFFF in a speech he "is writing himself" about the "crisis" at the southern border.
By "crisis," Trump does not mean we are killing a non-zero number of Guatemalan children in our custody, whether through negligence or actual malice. There are now refugees whose babies we took from them, and those babies are dead. He means ISIS we guess, or the "crisis" he's really worried about: that if he doesn't get his border wall, he won't win reelection.
For being a child rape victim.
Cyntoia Brown's journey through the criminal justice system is finally coming to an end. She will be released after 15 years in prison, because, mercifully, outgoing Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam (a Republican) has granted her request for clemency. "Justice" is supposed to be foundational to our nation; we are taught from the time we are small that justice, liberty, and freedom are not simply words we say, but a fundamental part of American life, especially within our legal system. We were lied to. Justice doesn't exist until we create it.
We first witnessed Brown's struggles with American justice in Dan Birman's documentary detailing her case -- she killed a man who was raping her when she was a child sex-trafficking victim -- her crime, her trial, and her subsequent incarceration.
Convicted of first-degree murder and aggravated robbery, Brown -- although a minor and a victim herself -- was sentenced to 51 years to life, and would not be eligible for parole until the year 2055. Faced with what amounted to a life sentence at the age of 16, Brown began her quest for clemency.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Shockingly Claims Trump Is A Racist Based On Racist Things He's Said & Done His Entire Life
And Anderson Cooper is still in shock.
Anderson Cooper had Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on "60 Minutes" last night for some big boy journalism. Top of the list of probing questions for the "radical" congresswoman was her feelings about motherfucker-in-chief Donald Trump.
COOPER: "You don't talk about President Trump very much ... Why?"
AOC: "Because I think he's a symptom of a problem ... The president certainly didn't invent racism, but he's certainly given a voice to it, and expanded it, and created a platform for those things."
COOPER: "Do you believe President Trump is a racist?"
AOC: "Yeah, no question."
COOPER: "How can you say that?"
She was able to say this by manipulating her vocal chords to produce speech. Oh wait, was Cooper actually wondering how Ocasio-Cortez could say that Trump is a racist? That's just stupid. Nonetheless, Ocasio-Cortez patiently walks Cooper through Trump's presidential library of racism: "Here's 'fine people on both sides' in Charlottesville. Here are some 'son of a bitch' football players. Here are migrant children in baby jails. This is just the first floor. Did you get a snack? This could take a while."
This is hell, isn't it?
We need WALL to protect us from SKEERY TERRORISTS! Or maybe we just need a memory device for a senile old idiot who can't remember his lines when he's whipping the pitchfork mob into a xenophobic frenzy. Yeah, it's probably that one. This weekend saw a wild collection of whoppers from the White House as the Trump Brain Trust dreamed up increasingly fantastical lies to justify the shutdown over WALLBUX. Let's run 'em down quick before the bastards barf out any more.
Lies, damn lies, and fabricated statistics!
Secretary of Homeland Security Kristjen Nielsen got the ball rolling on Friday with a bunch of hateful arglebargle in the Rose Garden, fearmongering about over 3000 "special interest aliens trying to come into the country on the southern border." Eeeek, special interest aliens. Be very afraid! Oh, wait, if you check out the fine print, it says that special interest aliens can be any person "from parts of the world where terrorism is prevalent, or nations that are hostile to the United States." So they're not actual criminals? Never mind then.
But Nielsen wasn't done! Since Chuck and Nancy refused to sit for her Nightmare On Mexico Street Powerpoint on Thursday, she's taking that scary immigrant story directly to the American people. CNN waded through the bullshit and factchecked that sucker. Spoiler Alert: Numbers at the southern border have a known liberal bias. You can counteract that by throwing global terrorism and migration stats into your report to make them look like they refer to a horde of zombies storming into El Paso. For instance if the Washington Post questions your totally made up statistic of $500 million paid to smugglers by southern border crossers annually, show 'em you're serious by upping that number to $2.5 billion worldwide. Fact check that one, nerds!
Just kidding, Gateway Pundit's being idiotic and a liar, surprise surprise.
Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez officially becomes a congressperson today, so we can expect the deranged obsession the right has with her to only intensify. Over the weekend, there was some controversy when Ocasio-Cortez proposed some radical position on policy that ... no, I'm just kidding. She just alluded to a Jennifer Lopez song. That's what had the Gateway Pundit flipping out.
This past weekend Ocasio-Cortez tweeted out a photo of her congressional office on Capitol Hill. She made the mistake of adding that she's just your average girl from the Bronx.
But Gateway Pundit had incontrovertible proof: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, in high school, went by the name Sandy.
It's your daily shitshow shutdown roundup!
Sorry about that shutdown, America! President Grandpa can't reopen the government right now because, "I would look foolish if I did that." Yep, that's what he said when Chuck Schumer suggested that the White House sign a Continuing Resolution to open everything but Homeland Security, then argue about WALLBUX later. The man spent the morning free-associating over a giant poster of himself and claiming that the Soviet empire collapsed after a just war in Afghanistan "to fight the terrorists," but heaven forbid Donald Trump should look foolish.
After a morning of group therapy with his Cabinet, Trump met yesterday afternoon with leaders of the House and Senate to discuss WALL money. The White House brain trust had a foolproof plan to corner Chuck and Nancy and make them empty their pockets to build the wall Mexico will pay for. Step 1: Corral them into the Situation Room so they know this is serious, young man. Step 2: Have DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen video conference in from the border for a report on all the scary Al Qaeda terrorists masquerading as MS-13 drug dealers pouring into the US through our open borders.
But no sooner had Nielsen launched into her spiel about the 74 Ebola-ridden toddlers with calves the size of cantaloupes apprehended this morning (probably), then Nancy Pelosi jumped in with annoying "numbers" about border apprehensions. And then President Arty McDeal's whole meeting fell apart.
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