Post-Tax-Cut-Deal D.C. Winter Survival Guide

With Pissed-Off Obama desiring to completely alienate his base, it’s only a matter of time before we’re forced to start compromising everything we believe in. Soon Washingtonians will be eating turkey bacon and healthy foodstuffs, and maybe evenfeeling the recession. You may now enter your basement and not leave it for (at least) another two years. While you're down there, try to survive off your basil plant and life-time supply of PBR; but if you can't, it is possible to have foodstuffs delivered to you, at your door:


Food at your doorstep:

  • DC Noodles: DC Noodles will deliver a hot bowl of soup to you, at your home, in under 45 minutes for no additional charge. [DC Noodles]
  • Taylor Gourmet: D.C. may now (finally) have a Jewish deli, but this doesn't mean we have to stop eating hoagies. Taylor's will deliver any of their delicious sandwiches for an additional $2, so long as you spend at least $18.  [Taylor Gourmet]
  • Banana Leaves: Banana Leaves is ideal for all your sushi/noodles/Asian food needs. And bonus: you can place your order on the Internet, which means you only have yourself to blame if your order is incorrect. [Banana Leaves]
  • Radius Pizzeria: Even though we now live in a world where pretty much anything besides pizza comes via delivery, that doesn’t mean you can’t still have pizza delivered. And why not have really good pizza delivered? Radius will deliver pizza to you, for free, so long as you spend $15. [Radius Pizza]
  • Chix: For those who like to eat good, healthy food for a reasonable price, there is Chix. They offer lunch and dinner delivery, for free, to the surrounding area, with a $10 minimum purchase. [Chix]
  • Desperados Burgers: The FLOTUS and Co. may have outlawed the consumption of ground meet in circular form, but until anything that happens in America actually happens in D.C., you can still enjoy your hamburgers and Desperados will never deliver to you, for free, with a minimum order of $15. [Desperados Burgers]

If you haven't yet withered into a ball of sadness and think you can manage to make it out of your home onto the economically sound streets of D.C., here are some places where you can get warmth-inducing foodstuffs:

  • Sweetgreen: Little known fact: this hipster salad joint also serves really good soup made with fresh, locally grown, kid-tested, mother-approved ingredients. [Sweetgreen]
  • Pho: Pho is fun to pronounce, cheap, and warm. What more could you ask for? Pho DC is D.C.’s newest pho establishment; other good pho options including Pho 14 and Pho 75. [Pho DC, Pho 14, and Pho 75]
  • Bayou Bakery: Bayou Bakery recently opened in Court House, and serves chicken and sausage gumbo, butternut squash soup, beignets and other warm, fatty foods from New Orleans. [Bayou Bakery]
  • P.O.V. at the W: The W put a fancy glass crown on its roof terrace, so now you can spy on the Republican White House and spend lots of money on their drinks and food all year 'round. Hooray! They have a "Winter Warm Up" drinks menu, which includes hot peanut buttered rum, mulled pear cider, and hot "not" chocolate, which is spiced rum, vanilla and milk topped with chocolate marshmallows. [P.O.V.]

Busboys and Poets, Tabard Inn, Clyde's, The Tombs, and Mr. Yogato all also serve warm beverages. And when spring rolls in, we’ll get to play the spring eating/drinking version of "What Republican legislation did Obama agree to today? I think I'll never go outside again." Happy hibernating.

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