Russia

It Would Appear Donald Trump Lied About The Size Of His 'Obamagate'

Is that it? Bless his heart.

Donald Trump and his slobbering Republican manservants in Congress are losing their shit trying to show the American people just how much #Obamagate there really was, what a Witch Hunt, what a DEEP STATE!111!! Oh my God they have been leaving snail trails all over the streets of Washington DC.

At the center of Obamagate -- as best as anyone can tell, and to be honest, our explanation is more lucid than anything that will ever slither out of the president's thin lips -- is that during the transition, the Obama administration sought to undermine the incoming president and fuck with the peaceful transition of power, chiefly by FRAMING Michael Flynn and tricking him into lying to the FBI about his improper secret conversations with the Russian government about sanctions relief. In reality, the Obama administration was faced with an unprecedented situation, namely the very real possibility -- as yet still not disproven! -- that the incoming administration and maybe the president himself were severely compromised (or worse) by Russia.

On Tuesday, the Trump administration declassified a section of an email former national security advisor Susan Rice sent herself on Inauguration Day, 2017, her last official act, to memorialize what was really going on with Flynn, so that there would be a paper trail. And kids, this declassified section was supposed to be their SMOKIN' GUN! That proves! that Obamagate! Was a thing! That happened!

Spoiler alert: It is, um, not that.

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2020 presidential election

Obama Endorses Biden, Acts Shady The WHOLE ENTIRE TIME

We mean that in the good way.

It is sometimes frustrating that Barack Obama doesn't steal the spotlight as much as we might selfishly want him to, but when he does speak, people listen. As America's last legitimate president, who is number one on Facebook, his words carry a weight that's missing in this country right now, especially as we find ourselves in the middle of a global pandemic with zero federal leadership.

Obama said he was going to stay out of the Democratic primary, and he did. But now that Bernie Sanders has dropped out of the race, and yesterday endorsed Joe Biden, President Obama has chosen to completely #RIG the primary by offering his own endorsement today.

As many have noted, it is just full of shade directed at the orange squatter in the White House. We are going to post the entire transcript, because if Donald Trump can put his thumb and forefinger together and pull his weenus on TV while he lies about coronavirus for three hours every day, Barry Bamz O'Sexxs-a-lot O'Bama can have some space at the Wonkette to talk about his old pal Vice President Uncle Joe.

Also we will post a picture signifying "shade" every time Bamz is a shady motherfucker.

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Courts

Here Is Something Horrible For Your Christmas Stocking!

Yep, it's more bad judges, hooray!

Guess what? Once again, everything is shit.

Earlier this month, the Senate confirmed two more Trump nominees -- Patrick Bumatay and Lawrence VanDyke -- to lifetime appointments on the US Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit. Trump has now appointed 50 appellate court judges and 187 total federal judges in less than three years in office. Obama, by comparison, appointed 55 appellate judges over his eight years in the White House.

Let's learn more about these gaping human wounds!

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Tech

President Bigly Cyberbrain Uses Unencrypted Phone, *For Privacy*

Russia, if you're listening ... AND WE KNOW YOU ARE.

BUT HER BLOODY EMAILS! While the State Department continues to send threatening letters to former Hillary Clinton staffers about retroactively classified emails from literally 10 years ago, Donald Trump and his team of dipshits are spilling the country's national security secrets over unsecured cellphone lines. The Washington Post reports that Commander OpSec and his personal attorney Rudy Loose Lips have likely supplied Russia (and China, and Israel, and Saudi Arabia ... ) with mountains of delicious intel as they plotted their Ukraine scheme over unencrypted commercial phones. About which the GOP says ... NOTHING. Because all their howling about Hillary Clinton's private server was bullshit, of course.

In fact, Trump has made a habit of yammering on his personal Obamaphone from the minute he waddled into the White House. Convinced that his nightly sexxxxx chats with studmuffin Sean Hannity were no one's business but his own, Trump refused to use a landline which would log the calls. Because he didn't want mean old John Kelly to find out about them and stop him from taking national security advice based on howler monkey noises from Jeanine Pirro on a bender.

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