Pour A Little On The Ground For America's Greatest Deadbeat Dad, Hero Congressman Joe Walsh

Pour A Little On The Ground For America's Greatest Deadbeat Dad, Hero Congressman Joe Walsh

Today we remember our fallen heroes, a pantheon of peerless fighters like Allen West (probably) and some other ones. But first among equals must always be hero congressman and deadbeat dad of the decade one Mr. Joe Walsh. Let us have a moment of silence for the man whose big GOTCHA in his first debate against war hero Tammy Duckworth was that he hadspy photos of her wearing women's clothing. Okay, good silence, you guys! Now let us honor Mr. Former Congressman Walsh with a montage.

[Joe Walsh climbs on a bed and sings into a hairbrush the Aretha Franklin soul hit "Respect."] Rep. Joe Walsh picks up the self-proclaimed "president," pats him on the head, and calls him "son" one million times while explaining that he is as a tiny stupid child -- a "boy," even!

[Joe Walsh goes to a boutique and starts trying on wedding dresses and funny sunglasses to "Raspberry Beret."] Rep. Joe Walsh offers opponent Tammy Duckworth a purple heart band-aid for her missing legs.

[Joe Walsh does a "funny dance" across the street, with a traffic cop, to Human League's "Don't You Want Me."] Rep. Joe Walsh unleashes a torrent of screaming abuse at his constituents.

[Joe Walsh stands in line at an all you can eat Las Vegas buffet, to Mr. Wayne Newton's "Danke Schoen."] Rep. Joe Walsh heroically sues his ex-wife over his continuing failure to provide for his children.

[Joe Walsh pokes his head out of the box where he has been sleeping, with a "funny hat" on. Then a raccoon pokes his head out too. The raccoon is Joe Walsh's only friend. Vivaldi's Spring swells romantically.] Joe Walsh lives in his office, because he is a deadbeat.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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