President BabySh*ts Actually Tried To LOCK HER UP, Because He's A Garbage Human Being

Can the breaking news take a fucking break for five seconds so we can start getting in gear for eating nine million calories of food and being thankful for everything we ...


Fine, go, New York Times:

President Trump told the White House counsel in the spring that he wanted to order the Justice Department to prosecute two of his political adversaries: his 2016 challenger, Hillary Clinton, and the former F.B.I. director James B. Comey, according to two people familiar with the conversation.

The lawyer, Donald F. McGahn II, rebuffed the president, saying that he had no authority to order a prosecution.

Yay, Don McGahn! You fixed-ed the tinpot dictator banana republic tiny-handed shitmouthed bastard president again!

So Don McGahn had the lawyers write a big long memo about how that would be the stupidest fucking idea ever, and could end up with the president getting impeached or voted out. We are just hoping he instructed them to make the memo scratch 'n' sniff and full of pussy pictures, because otherwise we guarantee dipshit never read it. The New York Times does say that Trump "has continued to privately discuss the matter," so it's just great that there's no White House counsel anymore to tell the president no. It's even better than that that we're learning this just days after Trump fired the attorney general and jammed a political asslicker named Meatball McPorkchop in without Senate confirmation, in order to do his dirty work at the Department of Justice.

Hey you guys, remember this from the debates?

Trump Just Suggested Clinton 'Would Be in Jail' if He Were

He is such a fucking garbage human being.

But wait, what the hell did he want Comey and Clinton prosecuted for? Oh, just the conspiracy theories he pulls out of his ass and eats for breakfast every morning, but NYT isn't sure exactly which ones. They mention how Trump thinks James Comey leaked classified information, because of course Trump thinks that, because he's the stupidest person who ever lived. They also mention how Comey is one of Robert Mueller's witnesses, SO ... hey, look, more obstruction of justice!

NYT also says Trump has had VERY BIG SADS in his tiny black heart that FBI Director Chris Wray refuses to prosecute Hillary Clinton for giving all our uraniums to Russia. Perhaps he is so reticent because the entire Department of Justice knows full well that the Uranium One "scandal" is not a scandal, and that there's no there there. Fucking hell, even Fox News knows that. Or should we say, the "Shep Smith" part of Fox News knows it.

How thin-skinned is Donald Trump? This thin-skinned.

How much has Robert Mueller known every bit of this story for ages now? THIIIIIIIIIIIS MUCH! Hello, Don McGahn has only spent one million hours spilling his secrets to Mueller at this point.

How much is Don McGahn, former White House counsel, suddenly in the newspaper being the hero again? LOLOLOLOL.

How funny is it that this leaked less than 24 hours after the newspaper wrote about Ivanka Trump doing BUT HER EMAILS with her dumbass husband? It's pretty funny!

In summary and in conclusion, can we stop saying Trump doesn't understand what he can and cannot do as president? Because that's not correct at all. He knows exactly what he can do, and he wants to fundamentally change that, by destroying the United States of America and remaking it in his own perverted scumbag image.

Happy holiday week, everyone! The president of the United States is dogshit on the shoe of humanity, but whatcha gonna do? Gonna eat some goddamn turkey, that's what.

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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