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OK, we'll vote for her, but he still has time to declare himself dictator for life.


We've said it many times this year, but Hillary Clinton's ad game is STRONG, son. Many of her ads are just Donald Trump's dumb face saying bad words. Trump loves the Hillary ad about what a shithead he is to veterans so much he's threatened to sue her, because that's how he shows love.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/603141/these-new-hillary-ads-will-warm-the-cockles-of-your-trump-hatin-heart"></a>[/wonkbar]But we think we have a new personal favorite Hillary ad, and this time it's not sucky old Trump putting his foot in his mouth. This time it's President Barry Bamz Obama, saying all the words about how YOU WILL VOTE FOR HILLARY CLINTON AND YOU WILL LIKE IT BECAUSE MANY REASONS. For one thing, he says he will take it as a "personal insult" to his legacy if you, instead of voting for the one woman capable of continuing the hard work he's done, choose the know-nothing asshole who grabs them by the pussy.

You are going to watch this video, because it is safe for work, and because we told you to. We can't tell whether Bamz has a boner during this ad, but we're gonna go with "hopefully."

As the ad's title implies, President O'Sexy says this election, Progress Is On The Ballot. Want the transcript, in case you're at your mom's house and she doesn't allow Sexxy Bamz and Crooked Hillary in her house? OK:

By so many measures our country is stronger and more prosperous than it was eight years ago. We know the progress we've made, despite the forces of opposition, despite the forces of discrimination, despite the politics of backlash. That doesn't stop with my presidency. We're just getting started. That's why I'm still fired up. That's why I'm still ready to go. So, if I hear anybody saying their vote does not matter, that it doesn't matter who we elect, read up on your history, it matters. We've gotta get people to vote! In fact, if you want to give Michelle and me a good send-off, get people registered to vote!

If you care about our legacy, realize everything we stand for is at stake, all the progress we've made is at stake in this election. My name may not be on the ballot. But our progress is on the ballot! Tolerance is on the ballot! Democracy is on the ballot! Justice is on the ballot! Good schools are on the ballot! Ending mass incarceration, that's on the ballot right now!

And there is one candidate who will advance those things. And there is another candidate whose defining principle, the central theme of his candidacy, is opposition to all that we've done. There's no such thing as a vote that doesn't matter. It all matters.

And after we have achieved historic turn-out in 2008 and in 2012, I will consider it a personal insult, an insult to MY legacy, if this community lets down its guard and fails to activate itself in this election. You wanna give me a good send-off? GO VOTE!

YES SIR! All of that comes with a sweeping musical accompaniment and a rapid slideshow of some of the best pictures of the Obama presidency, and oh goodness, it MIGHT have brought a tear to our eye. Just kidding, it brought a tear to YOUR eye, you crybaby.

But we're not done, because Hillary has released SO MANY GREAT ADS this week! This one, called "The Final Meltdown," just came out this afternoon. It's about Donald Trump's total crybaby tantrum of a week, if you didn't guess already:

Here's one with a buncha Mormons, bein' all Mormon for Hillary Clinton. This is great because Mormons really hate Donald Trump, because they don't like perv-nasty yuck-stains like him.

Here's one featuring Trump's nasty comments about women, including the leaked #PussyGate tape, against the backdrop of ALL THE WOMEN EVERYWHERE voting for Hillary, and against Trump:

Here's another, featuring African-American celebrities like Gabourey Sidibe and Tasha Smith, pointing that only ONE candidate in this race believes Black Lives Matter, and it is Hillary:

And finally, another one that might make you tear up. It's a Republican mother of an autistic child, describing how Trump makes fun of people with disabilities. She says, "My son Max can't live in Trump World. So I'm crossing party lines and voting for Hillary." She continues:

I don't always agree with her, but she's reasonable and she's smart. She can work with people to solve problems. I want to be able to tell my kids that I did the right thing when it really mattered.

Argue with THAT, Trump idiots.

OK, now you are probably thinking, "Wow, I have watched all these ads, and I am definitely voting for Hillary!" But you don't get to vote yet, so you need something to occupy your time between now and November 8. (November 28 if you're voting for Trump.) That's why it's great that Hillary's campaign website has a fun new thing where you can shuffle to line up two dates and see what Hillary was doing with her life right then, versus what Donald Trump was doing with his sad existence at that point in time. Here are a couple examples, and then we'll let you go play with it by yourself. HA HA that sounded pervy. [Click to embiggen. HA HA that sounded pervy too.]

Haha, Hillary Clinton, you are so lovable and great right now. You should be president or something!

[Hillary Clinton's website]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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