President Lazyass Is Like SO BUSY You Guys
President Lazyass has a packed schedule today! First up, three hours on the curvy couch with Brian, Ainsley and Steve. Once the old bowels kick in, it's time to tweet some shit about the Lügenpresse and scream at Democrats for ruining civility. Plus a little shoutout to whichever GOP candidate kissed his orange ass hardest that morning -- so you better not embarrass him by losing, Ron! Then it's time for the "intelligence briefing," when John Kelly makes some words at him about wars, or economics or whatever, and leaves a pile of papers on the desk for Jared to read. It's exhausting!
Seriously, that's his whole day.
This morning, Politico reminded us just what a slothful loser our president is. Not that we were in any danger of forgetting, but nine hours of television, Twitter, and talking on the phone last Tuesday while the manhunt for the MAGA Bomber was on is ... not a good look.
President Donald Trump had about three times as much free time planned for last Tuesday as work time, according to his private schedule. The president was slated for more than nine hours of "Executive Time," a euphemism for the unstructured time Trump spends tweeting, phoning friends and watching television. Official meetings, policy briefings and public appearances — traditionally the daily work of being president — consumed just over three hours of his day.
The president was slated to spend 30 minutes on the phone with CEOs and make brief remarks at a state leadership conference. He was briefed by senior military leaders in the evening and joined them for dinner. Apart from an 11:30 a.m. meeting with White House chief of staff John Kelly — his first commitment of the day — the rest of his day consisted of open time, some in blocks as long as 2 hours and 45 minutes.
Other presidents got down into the nitty gritty of policy. But Trump just hashes it all out with Hannity, then hollers for the nerds to make it true.
"He might read something in the paper and immediately you'd get an impromptu meeting on trade," said a person familiar with the president's scheduling. "It's just more impromptu than like a month in advance you have a policy time set that you're going to work up to."
Some White House aides insist that president is productive during these open stretches, calling lawmakers, Cabinet members and world leaders, and scheduling meetings rather than simply watching television in the private dining room off the Oval Office. One aide even described Trump as a "workaholic."
That aide was described as a "liar." BY US. Because we have to read The Couch Potato's Twitter feed, so we know that he's just channel surfing and barfing nonsense onto his iPhone. Or as the White House branding team calls it, Executive Time!
The concept of "Executive Time" was Kelly's response to the president's complaints that he was over scheduled under his previous chief of staff, Reince Priebus, and "didn't have any time to think," one of those aides said.
"There was always this tug and pull early in the administration when Priebus was there because if there were too many things on his schedule, he would complain. But if there were too few things on his schedule, the senior staff would complain because he would be left to his own devices and spend more time watching TV or calling people on the phone or calling in advisers unscheduled to the Oval Office," said a former White House aide familiar with the evolution of his schedule and the president's gripes about it.
Awww, Reince! You gotta let Trump be Trump. And if that means coming up with a stupid euphemism to pretend that serious work is going on behind the scenes during the ten hours every day when the president channel surfs and gabs on the phone for an audience of Chinese hackers, then that's what you have to do, Bro! Now be a good boy and hop on 95 for a national emergency. The Old Man just found out that a McDonalds in Locust Grove, Virginia, has the McRib, and he's threatening to land Marine One on the roof if he doesn't get one by lunchtime!
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One more week until the midterms! Throw a flivver in the kitty to keep Yr Wonkette in the jitter juice.
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.